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AIBU?

Working children living at home

39 replies

mumsgoingtouni · 03/09/2015 18:53

My son has just started working on a 24 hour part time contract but has been covering others so has been doing 40 hours a week. He's only just over minimum wage at the moment and will get a raise after three months. I've said he can keep all his wages for the first month to give him a headstart to buy clothes etc he needs for work but we need to work out how much rent he should pay after that. I'm thinking 20% but dh says he used to give his mum half his money!

So, can I ask, what's the going rate, percentage wise, for working children living at home?

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hedwig2001 · 04/09/2015 07:16

I paid my parents about a 3rd of my income. Without telling me, Mum put it in a savings account for me, so when I needed a car, the money was there. She is awesome.

ShebaShimmyShake · 04/09/2015 07:10

My mother paid a small amount of rent to her parents when she was working and living at home. She had no idea they were saving every penny of it in a high interest account. When she got married, they gave it all back to her as a wedding present. (If she hadn't got married, they would have given it to her on a certain birthday.)

Not an option for everyone, of course, but if the payment is more to teach young adults the value of money and the need for independence rather than because the parents genuinely need it, it's a nice idea.

Mistigri · 04/09/2015 07:06

Rather than taking the money and saving it yourself, as has been suggested, it might be more transparent to come to an agreement that you won't charge rent on the condition that your adult offspring sets up a standing order into a savings account (one he can't get instant access to).

I think the very least that an adult member of the household should contribute is the variable cost of them living there ie food, a share of utilities, a contribution to wear and tear.

Savagebeauty · 04/09/2015 07:05

My dd is off to uni in 2 weeks and knows that in the summer holidays she will be expected to contribute to the food bill.

GlitzAndGigglesx · 04/09/2015 07:02

I got my first job at 17 whilst in college and was earning under £500 a month with p/t hours. I had to pay £100 a month. One of my friends works 32 hours a week taking home around 1k and doesn't pay a penny at home

HazelBite · 04/09/2015 06:50

Actually once mine got to a certain age (ie mature enough not to blow it all on crap) I stopped taking rent from them on the proviso that they put that much away every month. It is the only way the oldest two have been able to afford their own places.

I still have two at home and i have made it clear that I am expecting them to be gone by the time me and their dad retire!

MsJamieFraser · 04/09/2015 06:43

*wrong in my opinion not a lot

MsJamieFraser · 04/09/2015 06:42

I'd say 1/3 to 25%, taking half his income to e is just not right! In fact I feel quiet strongly that it's wrong. Half his income on a paltry NMW income is not a lot in my opinion.

DixieNormas · 04/09/2015 06:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Spartans · 04/09/2015 06:24

I have younger kids, but my plan is (as others said) to take about 25%. But assuming we are in the same financial situation and don't need the cash, will save at least half of it for when they move out.

wowfudge · 03/09/2015 23:31

You were obviously motivated to find your own way in the world though mountain. Plenty aren't. Ime it's the girls who seem to actively want to leave home too.

mountainofdreams · 03/09/2015 23:24

I disagree that by not taking money off your kids they are likely to stay longer.
I'm from a household of high earning parents who completely looked after me, I left home at 22, emigrated and worked in a low income job.
I'm now 25 and have purchased my own place in London. I don't take/get a penny off my parents.

BackforGood · 03/09/2015 23:24

On these threads, I often think the answer is influenced by what your dc is like with money.
My ds just spends any money he has and some he doesn't have, so, quite frankly, it makes a lot of sense to continue to help him in terms of budgeting etc, to take a realistic amount off him if he lived at home, so he gets a "feel" for what he has to spend on himself.
dd OTOH is far more tight sensible with money. I'd be more than happy to take a much smaller amount off her, as I know she'd actually be saving a high % of it anyhow, so it would be fairly irrelevant if it's her saving it or me saving it for her.

Obviously, I wouldn't do differently from the other one now - I'd have to decide what was sensible if either of them come home to live once working but if I only had one or the other of them, my answer would be different.

JaceLancs · 03/09/2015 23:24

Mine pay £150 each, plus a share of the council tax - I provide food for evening meals if we are eating together - they buy their own lunch materials and any luxuries (usually drinks)
We all share household chores

Floralnomad · 03/09/2015 23:23

What do you actually think you are teaching your DC by taking money off them but secretly saving it and then giving it back ? Surely it would just be better to say I would take x amount for keep so I expect you to be responsible enough to save that for your future . I didn't pay my parents anything when I lived at home and I am perfectly capable of running a budget , it's common sense and being responsible not rocket science .

mandy214 · 03/09/2015 23:19

BIL moved back in with MIL after uni. Didn't take any money off him. That was 12 years ago. He is now 33 and is still there.

Whathaveilost · 03/09/2015 23:16

It's being irresponsible as a parent IMO if you take nothing, or a token amount.
There are lots of ways of being irresponsible parent but not taking money from your kids ain't one of them!!

DS budgets fo his insurance, as I said before its £4,500 which seeing that he earns about £10,000 is a substantial amount, he saves up for birthday and Christmas presents and a holiday. There isn't that much left over.

Just to wind up some Mners I we still pay for his phone, gym membership, and pay for meals out for him and his girlfriend!

letmehaveyoursoul · 03/09/2015 23:13

I paid my parents £80 a month (2014) and they saved it and gave me it back to buy a sofa when I moved out

maddening · 03/09/2015 23:11

Take 50% but put 25% in a savings account so he is unwittingly building a deposit

FishWithABicycle · 03/09/2015 21:58

I'm with your dh op - go for a highish amount but save half of what you take secretly to give back when he needs a deposit.

Sixweekstowait · 03/09/2015 21:31

It's being irresponsible as a parent IMO if you take nothing, or a token amount. It's got absolutely nothing to do with if you need it. With my dd, we sat down, went through the household accounts so she could see what our outgoings were and the cost of maintaining a home and family. We worked out a fair proportion of that which included food but she bought all her own toiletries, clothes etc. I think it was probably about a third of what she earned ( net) that she contributed. We didn't need the money at all and ( unbeknown to her) we saved it and she had it all back when she moved into her first flat. OP you are spot on. Why on earth would anyone think it was a good idea for an adult earning child to live at home for nothing?

mumsgoingtouni · 03/09/2015 20:58

He's an adult. The idea of a working adult living with parents and contributing nothing at all financially is bizarre to me. We will continue to pay the mortgage and bills, as we would if he wasn't here, but he eats food, uses electricity and lots of hot water! We don't need the money but even if we billionaires we'd expect our adult children to pay their way, and hope they'd have the self respect to want to do so. We have two other children not far behind him so if we don't take anything from him, we'll have to do the same with them.

It's just how much? We want him to enjoy his new found salary. Dh wants to take more than I do, but save some for the day he needs a deposit etc, without telling him we're saving it.

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QuiteLikely5 · 03/09/2015 20:18

I think you take what is fair. There can be no arguments that way.

Half would be absolutely wrong imo.

Take his food costs and a share of the bills.

Anything else is just making a profit out of your own child and I don't think that's right.

Trafalgar1805 · 03/09/2015 20:13

Mine pay £100 a month, earn about £700. But are expected to pay all other things for themselves, such as cars, insurance, clothes, holidays and social life.

tableanadchairs · 03/09/2015 20:13

DS is 24 and on a good wage for his age. He fritters cash away.
DH and l decided to take £250 a month off him for keep/washing/food etc. He doesn't know that we are actually saving this money for a deposit for him when he moves out. He has just started to realise that he needs to save and budget if he wants his own place. However he has decided to wait till after Christmas
He is not happy at having too pay what amounts to less than 1/8th of his wages. i think he is just an ungrateful spolied little brat.
I am happy to have him living at home but he has to grow up and be a bit more responsible.

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