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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu re. neighbour with chickenpox?

48 replies

mikado1 · 03/09/2015 16:46

I am fully prepared to be told I am being unreasonable and I am really just a bit Hmm about this but am interested in others' opinions.

So ds plays in communal, gated front garden with one or two little neighbours. I usually sit on wall or bench watching. He loves it and it gives him a much needed break fromssitting in while I bf ds2 round the clock. It's a break for me too.

Anyway, one of the little boys has cp since Monday. My ds has just started montessori for the first time and with the new baby etc I am hoping he settles ok with what is another big change, obvs also great for me to have a few hours alone with baby. I just have fingers crossed that he didn't get it from neighbour last weekaas it would be a bit of a disaster a. Having a sick and fed up child at home kn top of just having a toddler and newborn which I am finding challenging enough and b. He would miss this important settle-in time in montessori and have to start all over but can do nothing only wait and see.

Then on Monday and everyday since I see neighbour is out playing as usual though he is still contagious. So I now can't send ds out which is a real pita. I know it's an illness that many encourage to get it over with but what with current situation it couldn't be easier worse timing. Aibu to think he should stay in until he's no longer contagious or is it ok that my ds, who is hungry for some outdoor play, has to be kept in instead?

OP posts:
Rinoachicken · 03/09/2015 16:48

How do you know he's still contagious?

coconutpie · 03/09/2015 16:50

YANBU. Your neighbour is really inconsiderate sending him out into a communal space when he has chicken pox, a highly infectious illness. Keep your DC away from him, the last thing you need is your infant to catch cp.

Original poster
mikado1 · 03/09/2015 16:53

Spots came up Monday, he's contagious until crusted over and was out playing the same day.

As an aside, I am hoping and assuming that my ds2 is protected by my immunity for the moment.

OP posts:
Original poster
mikado1 · 03/09/2015 16:54

Xpost coconutpie I can't even think about newborn getting it and hope he is protected.

OP posts:
Idefix · 03/09/2015 16:55

Why don't you go out when they are not out? Surely the other children are not out all day?

Your ds could get an illness when going to his new school, from experience starting a new setting is often a time when children come down with viruses, hopefully this won't be the case for you op.

Original poster
mikado1 · 03/09/2015 17:21

He is out all day because his preschool won't take him. Yes I know re viruses etc. I am hoping we can survive first few weeks as he's not at all as enthusiastic as I would have thought and I know it is because of new ds so I am rooting for him to settle ok.

OP posts:
Idefix · 03/09/2015 17:37

If your neighbours ds s really outside all day long why don't you speak to them and negotiate a time when they go in? Do they have a picnic lunch outside?

It seems strange for them to literally play out all day long.

Hopefully ds will adjust to all these changes soon.

Cherryblossomsinspring · 03/09/2015 19:41

YANBU. Very inconsiderate of your neighbour but she probably hasn't considered that other mums want to be out there with their kids at the same time. It'll only be another couple of days and neighbour will no longer be contagious. If ds manages to avoid cp this time, how about having him vaccinated? I'm halfway through my shots for both kids at the moment.

Birdsgottafly · 03/09/2015 19:47

The child playing in the communial garden doesn't have the option of going anywhere else, you do.

do you not have any local parks etc. I would try to be more sympathetic towards the options for the contagious child, compared with your options.

Palomb · 03/09/2015 19:49

If they played together Simon the week or so before the spots came out then your son is already brewing the virus.

I'm not sure why your sons need to play trumps your neighbours son, especially
As your son gets to go to nursery for a few hours but your neighbour can't as he's infectious.

Both my dc were plastered with spots with CP but not otherwise unwell and we went spent a lot of time walking in the park and playing in the garden when they were off school. The fresh air does them good. It doesn't last long.

Palomb · 03/09/2015 19:49

No idea who simon is!

Simon = during!

BikeRunSki · 03/09/2015 19:56

The chances are your son may already have caught CP from the neighbour's child.

Purplepoodle · 03/09/2015 19:56

If they played together pre spots then he's been fully exposed as that's when your most contagious. Mine were never ill with chicken pox and probably would let them play outside. If your worried head to he park or something. It's been nearly a week of spots, I'd say most would be dried out now

Snoopadoop · 03/09/2015 20:06

I couldn't agree more with this...
The child playing in the communial garden doesn't have the option of going anywhere else, you do.

If they played together before the spots arrived it is likely that your child has already been exposed. If he's lucky enough not to catch it he will still get it eventually especially if he goes to nursery soon, they catch everything going when they start nursery.

Original poster
mikado1 · 04/09/2015 00:58

I know he may be brewing it but obviously at time I couldn't have prevented that but now I know I am not going to knowingly put him in contact with a contagious child. Yes I know we could go elsewhere but with a constantly feeding newborn the day can be a bit relentless and it has been so handy and effortless for ds to play nearby. In the usual way, and hopefully soon again, I would go further afield as often as possible. I know many don't feel awful with cp but I don't think it's fair either to knowingly send a contagious child into close quarters with others. I personally wouldn't do it unless knew they'd had it too. I saw him earlier running over to a 2yo who'd just got out of the car-they are going on holiday next week, don't think they would appreciate their ds getting it. I know they could already have it, it's the knowingly bit that's putting me out.

In a few months' time it won't bother me, it's because I am nervous for my pfb settling in to playschool after the trauma of psb coming along!

OP posts:
MsJamieFraser · 04/09/2015 06:51

I'm sorry but yabu, yes it easier for you to kick your ds outside, but this child can't be couped up inside for possibly over a week/10 day.

You need to communicate it's his parents.

HazelBite · 04/09/2015 07:00

Give it two weeks from contact and the spots will appear. My oldest gave it to his three younger siblings, his baby brothers were five weeks old and breastfed, and probably because of that only had half a dozen spots each.

It is very contagious, and probably better for him to get it young, I caught it at 16 and it was no joke!

Original poster
mikado1 · 04/09/2015 07:26

In fairness msjamiefraser I go outside with him, 'kicking him out' is not the plan! HazelBite, 2 full weeks? YThought I read 11 days somewhere. . Bracing myself for it so.

OP posts:
Gatehouse77 · 04/09/2015 07:54

My 3 week old caught chicken pox off her older siblings. She was being exclusively breastfed and I was assured that she would not catch it. She did! She had only about 10 spots all-in and was not ill from it at all.

We weren't even sure if she had had it 'enough' but when she got shingles at 7 we were sure Wink

GudrunBrangwen · 04/09/2015 08:10

Does his parent have a new baby also? I would think it just as easy for them to take their child elsewhere (somewhere without other children/people about, an empty park, beach etc) than it is for you.

He should be supervised so that he does not approach other children.

Reminds me of a parent at our school who brought her child to the playground at drop off and pick up and let him play freely with hundreds of other children - most of the class then caught it from him and probably many other older children too.

Very selfish and very unfair.

MiddleAgedandConfused · 04/09/2015 08:10

YANBU!
My DS caught cp when he was a few weeks old - no idea where from. He had one or two spots and was absolutely fine otherwise. DD was 3 and caught it from him and was a bit more poorly. So if your DC have caught it, it may not be too bad. I was just pleased that this was during my mat leave when I was already off work.

Original poster
mikado1 · 04/09/2015 08:34

I agree middleaged, would much prefer to be here with him but preferably not this month! !

He's not supervised but is outside alone.

OP posts:
Original poster
mikado1 · 04/09/2015 08:35

No gudrun, no baby and a sahm.

OP posts:
Osolea · 04/09/2015 08:37

You just need to communicate with your neighbour and work out times that yiuc an each use the garden. It's only temporary.

If they're paying for the use of a garden then it seems a bit mean to want them not to use it, it's times like this that having a garden is invaluable. Your ds is getting some outside time elsewhere, presumably your neighbours ds isn't and this is his only way of getting some fresh air. I understand your concern, and why it's a pita, but I don't think your neighbour is doing anything wrong by using the garden.

SawdustInMyHair · 04/09/2015 08:44

YANBU - there's a reason the nursery won't have him! Chicken pox can be serious:(although it's not usually, luckily), and in rare cases result in hospitalisation. Serious consequences are more common with babies, too.

It's really irresponsible of the parents. What if your child/ren had a compromised immune system? Doesn't seem like they've taken the trouble to think about anyone else, frankly.