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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To get pissed off and a bit sad for ds when people continually make comments about his height?

60 replies

zippyswife · 03/09/2015 16:23

Ds is tall for his age. He's 5 and is the same height as the taller people a year older than him. So not obscenely tall but taller than most his age (having said that a friend's dd and cousins dd are the same age and height as him). He's naturally slim so I guess it's more noticeable.

He's gone through a growth spurt lately and in the past few months not s day goes by where his height isn't commented on. This is mainly by friends and family but also strangers.

Tends to go along the lines of "he's so tall, like really tall, he's going to be a head taller than everyone else in his class". So not nasty but nearly always in front of him or directed to him. Some people comment on it every time they see him.

So far he just shrugs it off but I don't want him being self conscious about his appearance. He is tall he will be tall. Dh is 6"2 so it's inevitable. I just don't want ds to be concerned about his appearance especially at such a young age. We tell him it's good to be tall and that daddy and uncles are tall etc to try to combat any negativity and promote positive body image.

Or am I just being precious?

OP posts:

TenForward82 · 03/09/2015 16:26

People see being tall (as a male) as a good thing. I doubt he'll be self-conscious, unless you make a thing of it. He'd have more trouble if he was short.

exexpat · 03/09/2015 16:26

You are being a bit precious, tbh. Tallness is generally seen as a good thing - if people were constantly commenting on how tiny he was (not usually a compliment for boys) you might have something to complain about.

My two DCs were both tall for their ages (98th centile +) until secondary age, and people mentioned it all the time. It was only an issue when people thought they were older than they were, and expected behaviour in keeping with their height rather than their age.

wasonthelist · 03/09/2015 16:27

YANBU I am 6'4" (and a bit) and have had to put up with this crap all my life.

Upside is he'll be able to see at gigs/festivals etc. Sadly, that's been about the only upside for me. Hated people going on about when I was younger.

chelle792 · 03/09/2015 16:27

Ah I feel your pain. As an adult, OH still has comments daily. But then he's 6 ft 7. The funny one is
"wow! You're really tall!!"
"am I? I hadn't noticed!!"

Others tend to be about basketball teams. Especially when he's out with his two equally tall cousins.
You just wouldn't say to someone "wow you're really short/fat"
Friends and family more understandable, I'd say because they are proud of him being healthy?

exexpat · 03/09/2015 16:28

(DD is now having to come to terms with not being the tallest in her class anymore - she's nearly 13 and has stopped growing, while friends are starting to take over - but luckily I did warn her that was going to happen)

wasonthelist · 03/09/2015 16:28

I used to get picked on for my height as a kid too - I was skinny as a rake and useless at violence.

Squooshed · 03/09/2015 16:28

YABU

Height is a seen a positive attribute, people probably think they're complimenting him.

redskybynight · 03/09/2015 16:31

TBH at 5 I think people say children are getting taller and won't they be big regardless. Loads of people told me how tall DD was at the sort of age - she wasn't she was actually below average height for her age!!

SelfRaisingFlour · 03/09/2015 16:36

I agree that it is annoying. My son is 99 th percentile and his height has always been commented on.

There's a very tall dad at school and I heard one of the other parents (an adult!) telling him that he's tall and does he play basketball.

EatSleepWorkRepeat · 03/09/2015 16:36

Are you tall OP? My DS is tall although people only comment once they know how old he is (generally I think they just assume he's an average height older child unless it comes up in conversation). Me and DH are both tall too and both view it as a positive thing, so haven't perceived any of the comments as anything other than a compliment! DS loves being tall too and sees it as something a bit special (which is lovely as he has some other physical health issues which hold him back a bit). So, I wouldn't expect it to become an issue for your DS unless he senses there's something wrong with being lovely and tall!

WeirdCatLadySaysFuckOffJeffrey · 03/09/2015 16:37

Dd is tall, was always head and shoulders taller than everyone else. She was 5'9 by about age 11. (We think she's finished growing now at 5'10).

God every single day "Gosh she's tall isn't she' we ALWAYS answered 'yeah, it's great isn't it'. She consequently has a great self image and is very pleased she is so fabulously tall. Embrace it OP, tall is fabulous.

(Obviously short is fabulous too, I'm not height-ist )

Original poster

zippyswife · 03/09/2015 16:41

I'm 5"8. Is that tall? I suppose it is. My mum said people used to comment on my height all the time growing up. But then I'm a redhead too so I more remember the comments from Adults asking if I was the milkmans daughter etc .

OP posts:

3rdSymphony · 03/09/2015 16:42

I bet why it's annoying, especially when he's so young, but I agree with others that male height is generally seen as a good thing, associated with masculinity, strength, success etc (whereas sexist social norms that are still prevalent see tall women as unfeminine etc).

My three year old is likely to be short, given his genes from his father's side (entire family of short people) which are unlikely to be counteracted by my 5 ft 6, and I think that may be a lot harder. Especially given the regular comments on here about how women couldn't possibly consider a man shorter than they were in a sexual light...

CocktailQueen · 03/09/2015 16:45

YANBU - as pp have said, being tall is seen as a good male attribute. Having said that, it could make your ds self-conscious.

My ds is on the other end of the spectrum and in IMO it's more annoying having people say 'oh, isn't he tiny'. Which he's not!! Being tall for a boy is much better than being short.

CatMilkMan · 03/09/2015 16:45

I regularly got comments when I was younger and still do, I have never cared.

UnderTheGreenwoodTree · 03/09/2015 16:45

Tall is good, OP. My ds2 is also tall for his age (and quite skinny too) he seems to be a head above all his friends. I think he may be tallest in his class - people do comment, I take it as a compliment.

There's some stat about for every inch taller a man is, he earns X amount more per year.

RainbowFlutterby · 03/09/2015 16:45

It's far harder being short as a boy. Certainly at school. DS is one of the smallest and he gets teased a lot and picked on by the tall kids (probably because he's an easy target )

Original poster

zippyswife · 03/09/2015 16:46

3rd I don't think that's true I went out with a guy that was shorter and never saw an issue in it. Also all my cousins are really short/ the men are alll about 5"3 they've never had any problem with women. Quite the opposite!!

OP posts:

MrsSippy · 03/09/2015 17:02

My son has had this all his life too, so I had him a t-shirt printed which goes...

To answer your questions...
I am tall yes
The weather's fine up here
No I don't play basketball
6' 8"

LunchpackOfNotreDame · 03/09/2015 17:04

Yanbu being just shy if 6' myself it's crap when that's all anyone can think of to focus on

AuntyMag10 · 03/09/2015 17:08

The thing is whether your taller, shorter, skinnier, fatter than average people are going to comment. I agree that lucky for you it's the height with your ds. It is a positive. Imagine if he was a short child. People will find a way to comment.

BeautifulBatman · 03/09/2015 17:10

You're being a bit precious..... he needs to get used to it. I was 6'1 by the age of 14. And a girl. He'll be fine, there's nothing wrong or odd about being male and tall.

noiwontstoptalking · 03/09/2015 17:12

Both my DC are tall, age 7 wear clothes two - three years above.

It is mentioned quite a lot (esp as I'm petite) I just reply very positively and say 'yes, isn't it lovely - they take after their Dad'.

Your DS will take his reaction cues from you.

My two assume it's a compliment because I always smile when anyone comments.

firefly78 · 03/09/2015 17:16

my son is 4 and starts school next week. he is tiny. took him for a stsrting school haircut and dont think the hairdresser believed me that he was starting school. kept saying "but you mean pre school?" everyone comments on how tiny he is within his earshot and he hates it. keeps saying "but im a big boy mummy". bless him. would prefer him to be tall for his age!

hazeyjane · 03/09/2015 17:19

You just wouldn't say to someone "wow you're really short/fat"

I think that is because being tall is seen as being a positive attribute, especially for a boy, whereas being short is a negative thing to be mocked.

I have had people say, 'wow you're really short..' usually as a way of putting me down.

I am surprised that your shorter male relatives have never had any comments - my dad and his family were all short and all the men got comments about their heights, and my dad was very defensive about it.

Ds is below the centile range for height, he gets called 'baby' by older children, and gets mistaken for a much younger child. If he follows the line he has since birth then he will be about 5 foot in his late teens/twenties. We are keeping our fingers crossed for a growth spurt!

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