To get pissed off and a bit sad for ds when people continually make comments about his height?

[zippyswife]

Ds is tall for his age. He's 5 and is the same height as the taller people a year older than him. So not obscenely tall but taller than most his age (having said that a friend's dd and cousins dd are the same age and height as him). He's naturally slim so I guess it's more noticeable.

He's gone through a growth spurt lately and in the past few months not s day goes by where his height isn't commented on. This is mainly by friends and family but also strangers.

Tends to go along the lines of "he's so tall, like really tall, he's going to be a head taller than everyone else in his class". So not nasty but nearly always in front of him or directed to him. Some people comment on it every time they see him.

So far he just shrugs it off but I don't want him being self conscious about his appearance. He is tall he will be tall. Dh is 6"2 so it's inevitable. I just don't want ds to be concerned about his appearance especially at such a young age. We tell him it's good to be tall and that daddy and uncles are tall etc to try to combat any negativity and promote positive body image.

Or am I just being precious?

My DD is very tall for her age and the oldest in her year so stands out a mile. We assume she takes after my MIL, they both have same short legs long body shape, who was also tallest in her class but stopped growing earlier than her peers and ended up a perfectly average sized adult. People comment on it loads, I think the thing to do is to make sure he has a response ready. My DD now tells people who comment "I take after Grandma". Just make sure you put a positive spin on it, good for seeing over everyone's heads, can reach to climb better, aren't you lucky, that sort of thing.

My children are tiny (all born on 2nd or 9th percentile) so I've always had the 'oh aren't they tiny' comments. Er, yes. I'm not really sure what to say to them in response.

The worst though have been the comments from other parents that because their DC are taller they somehow are superior parents

I can't change the height of my children, so I can't really get too stressed about it.

In the nicest possible way you are being a bit precious. Tallness, especially in boys, is generally seen as a good thing.
My 15 year old DS is 6.5 and he has no problems. Getting clothes and shoes for him is a nightmare but that's a whole other thread.

YANBU.

IME the main problem with tall-for-age children is that they are ofter perceived as actually being older than there are and their behaviour is judged accordingly.

DS2(11) has a friend who is (and always has been) very very tall for his age. He is now 5'8'', shoe size 10 and who knows what height he'll end up at. I asked him the other day whether it bothers him when people comment on his height and he said 'yes, sometimes'. He is a very polite and pleasant boy and I think his response was a reflection of that rather saying something more forceful.

I don't think people feel that there's a risk of offending with the 'oh he's tall' comment though.

My x was tall so people take a look at my son, take a look at me, do a double take. One woman, tall herself, practically challenged me about my son's date of birth cos she couldn't fathom that my son was taller. But I try not to comment on heights as I am only five one and I hated people telling me I was short all the time. What do you say?! I was sometimes tempted to say I deviate from the mean less than you :-p

Ds has been the tallest in school since P5 and people comment on it regularly. Never been a problem.

You just wouldn't say to someone "wow you're really short/fat"

That's just not true in my experience. Difference is that I when I was younger (and when it got to be true)it was 'look at that fat bitch' yelled at me when I was 13 before I really was fat, its not like people lean out of their trucks and yell 'Oi you tall fucker'. I agree with what other have said about it being seen as positive.

My family are all taller than me and I am always described as the short one. I'm 5'6", it's seen as being lesser than them. I have far far far less grey hair though :P

My nephew is 12 years old and 6ft 3 and is likely to grow.
He is fine about his height, but my dsis worries about the fact that he is judged more harshly because of his height.
She actually asked her GP if there was an injection to stop his growth.
As far as I am concerned, there is nothing one can do about ones height, therefore embrace it.

He'll get bored of it. I am big busted and if I had a pound for every comment that's ever been made about them I would be very wealthy.

If he was small for his age people would comment about that as well.

If he was Ginger he'd be bored to tears with comments about that too.

Yanbu. Dd is 11 and 5'7, and always been on that scale. I'm 1/2" under 6' and was exactly the same. It used to really annoy me, because combined with being narrow framed and skinny with it, I hated having my difference pointed out. In my head it translated as 'look at the freak'. My body itself i didn't mind cos it was handy for sport. And later on I liked my appearance too. Just peoples comments that bothered me.

Dd has been brought up to have more self esteem in herself, including her looks. And like me loves the sports advantage in what she enjoys. Still it does get wearing, especially when announced as 'aren't you big for x yrs old'. If she wasn't so skinny the big would give her a complex. It's more the assumption she's older and should therefore act it that has pissed me off in the past. And currently I don't like older lads assuming she's older too.

Re the saying short, it depends on whether comments on height are actually meant as conversation/ compliment. Dd had one occasion of a girl her age making quips that were intended to be insulting, and dd did the same in return about the girls different size. Same as I remember doing as a kid/teen. And would probably do as an adult if the situation arose.

People are just finding something to say - my aunty commented how tall and big my two old DS was the other day turned around to see she was looking at 7month old DD.
Ive had people say how cute and little my daughter is when I'm actually holding her cousin (a boy) who is a yr older than her.

Yanbu. My dd is very tall and was always the tallest by far in her class. I'm sure people don't mean to be rude, but it can make a child self conscious if an aspect of their appearance is always being commented on.

Height is seen as a good thing, especially in men. If he was short, which is seen as a bad thing for a man, I'd see your point about the comments, but in your case I think you're being precious.

Agree with those who say your reaction is more important than their comments.

My eldest isn't sporty , he got asked one million times slight exaggeration if he was playing rugby at school .
He had heard my speech, blaa blaa other interests. I was delighted the first time he used it, he sounded very confidant.

People aren't very imaginative when talking to/about kids .

I'm very pro-short men myself - DH is a couple of inches shorter than I am, and I'm not tall - and he's attractive, confident and successful, and all-round fabulous or I wouldn't have married him, but he's under no illusions his life would have been easier in certain ways (he works in a particularly macho industry) if he'd been taller. And if I had a pound for every time I've seen women on here saying that they would never date a shorter man because they simply wouldn't find anyone shorter than them attractive, or the snide comments about Sophie Dahl being so much taller than whichever singer she's seeing/married to, I'd be rich.

"You just wouldn't say to someone "wow you're really short/fat"

Tell that to my uncle.

3rdsymphony, well I agree with you. I like short men too, so long as they're good company and good looking! If anybody has any good-hearted, good looking, good company men they've rejected for being short, please forward them to me. Thank you. Anybody who's 'met' me on the "where are the 42 year old men?" thread will know that I mean it.

Having been almost 6' myself at 12 I can sympathise, except that height is seen much more as a good thing for a boy than a girl. I can honestly tell you that school discos weren't much fun as a teenager - I was either asked to dance by the geeky beanpoles (that my mum used to say would end up really attractive but I refused to believe it) or by boys who enjoyed being bosom height (now that was fun, NOT!), or more often left as a wall flower.

Given that DH and I are both over 6', our DCs are pretty certain to be tall and I see that as a positive thing, mostly. Statistically speaking, tall people are more confident and more likely to occupy prominent positions in society. Yes, it's a pain on long-haul flights (hence why we tend to make sure we have extra legroom seats) but on the other hand it's an advantage at the cinema, theatre, on a busy tube etc. In any case, since you can't do much about it, just embrace it!

be worse if he was small. i know a grown man who is 5 foot. his brother is 4 foot 11. poor bastards.

My DS1 has always been tall for his age.

when he changed schools I remember a little boy saying 'Oh look at the size of him Mum'

He is 15 now and 6'2.

be worse if he was small. i know a grown man who is 5 foot. his brother is 4 foot 11. poor bastards.

thanks for that, calmyourselftubbs - I have just posted that ds is likely to be about 5 foot as an adult, he isn't a poor bastard. Jeez.

Oh FFS, is there anything that people won't get offended about?

Height is seen as a generally positive attribute (not saying that's right or appropriate, but it's the way it is), especially in a male. People are commenting on his height because they see it as a positive thing/compliment.

My DD is just over 5'8" at the age of 12, with size 8 feet. People comment on it all the time, as do we, and she loves it. Teach him to be proud of who he is, for crying out loud.

My sons are both small. My eldest is especially short for his age. Do people comment- yes. Does he care? No. He just sees it as his thing.

If YOU see people commenting on his height as a negative thing, he will be negative about it. If you are positive about it- so "isn't he tall" is answered by "I know, I can't wait for him to reach things off the top shelf for me" or "we'll have to get a basket ball hoop set up in the garden for him to practice" then he will see it as positive. Show him it's a positive attribute and he'll be happy about it.

I don't think what grates is the commenting as such (and I agree that height is seen as a positive, particularly in men/boys), but it's the incredulousness of it: "OMFG, isn't he frigging huge?!", said with this -> face.
Ok, maybe without the swearing, but the implication that it is somehow freakish or anything that anybody has control over.

My DS3(7) is the smallest in his class. I had not noticed until he told me. Because he had noticed. So now we do a lot of being positive about it.

I, otoh, was always perfectly ordinary in height, am now 5'6'', and used to get annoyed when great-auntie Gerda (not her real name ) at every frigging family meeting would go 'Oh my, haven't you grown!". Well, yes, I am a child, we grow, hopefully and as a rule

We get this. DD is eight and as tall as the year six kids. People say, isn't she tall, she's stood next to dh, Hes 6ft 6in. Did they really expect different?