To think fitness and health are not "all or nothing"

[Thefitfatty]

Ok, I'm on several health and fitness forums and most of the posts are from people trying to lose weight and get healthy. After many years of unsuccessful yo-yo dieting, my attitude is gaining the "perfect bikini body" is a nearly impossible goal, and that that sort of "all or nothing" attitude is what makes most people stay in unhealthy habits.

Today on one of the forums, a woman, who has been eating healthier and exercising for two years, and who in my opinion is looking pretty good and healthy, wanted some advice for toning up. I told her to try weight lifting, etc etc. Then this other woman, with a body builder physique, came on and said:
"Toning" is kind of a bs phrase that gets banded about a lot. It generally means a combined reduction in fat and increase in muscle mass so your muscles appear more "defined" (ie you cans ee the muscle outlines)
No offence but you are a long way from seeing any definition."

She then told her to eat "clean" cut out all junk food and alcohol and do intense exercise as often as possible.

In another thread about a woman would though she'd blown her diet, she said: "Im kind of glad so few people have willpower. If they did everybody would be in shape and it wouldnt be as special."

AIBU in thinking that this girls advice is crap and health and fitness aren't "all or nothing?" I feel like her advice is going to make people give up and go back to unhealthy habits? Or am I the one whose encouraging people not to be healthy with my more laid back attitude?

YADNBU

I think your laid back attitude is the right one to have.

I remember posting on a health forum (to do with a particular condition, not a general health and fitness forum) that I had made a few tweaks to my diet and in particular was drinking more water. Another poster came on and slated me for not doing x, y and z and there was no point drinking more water when I was still doing a, b and c. Even though I couldn't do x, y and z because of my health condition.

In a similar vein, after many, many attempts to stop smoking I decided to 'cut down' rather than quit. It meant I could have a cigarette at the weekend without feeling I had 'undone' all my previous hard work. I actually dealt with the cravings better knowing that I could have one if I really, really wanted. And within a couple of months of having cut down, I naturally stopped smoking and haven't touched one since (apart from one very drunk and emotional night, but that's one night in 5 years, I won't beat myself up too much!)

I just found the other "forum" :o

LOL AngelicaDelight It's probably not hard to find. Though I have found similar attitudes on many others. This bitch just really got my goat today!

CrohnicallyAspie I'm sort of the same (not a smoker) but with "dieting" I find I can't stick to a diet AT ALL. However, I love exercise, so I decided to focus on that. I found after awhile a natural by-product of exercising was that I was eating better. I'm still not slim, but I look and feel great, and SURELY that should be most peoples goal?

Completely agree. I was on a thread here a few months ago with people who were trying to make small changes, and particularly to add exercise into their routine, from doing almost none. There was a poster who was a fitness instructor who basically said there is no point doing couch to 5k, you won't get fit enough, everybody should be exercising intensively 5-6 Times a week, doing a combination of cardio/endurance, intervals and muscle conditioning, and if you weren't going to push yourself hard at every session, you might as well not bother. Which I thought was crap, given I had just lost 4.5 stone and run 10k, by doing exactly the things she said were pointless. Anyone looking at me, walking or running with me, or eating with me would see quite clearly thAt I am much healthier than I was two years ago. If it really was all or nothing, everybody would be categorised as healthy or not, but as we know, it's a continuum.

Yanbu and I say this as someone who goes to the gym 6 days a week and eats 'clean' (which is a bs term in itself) 95% of the time.

My job is in the fitness industry so as part of my job i need to look fairly lean, fit etc. but I also love going to the gym. I also have lots of food allergies which forces my dietrt choices in many ways.

While the first woman is technically right, to 'tone up' you need to gain some muscle and reduce body fat. You don't need to go at it all out all the time. And insulting someone is not giving help or support and people like that piss me off.

Being in shape doesn't make anyone special. Unfortunately there are a lot of people in the fitness industry who do think that being able to see your abs makes you special. But then there are dickheads everywhere.

Also sticking to your diet 100% everyday ends up with you being a diet bore.

Exercise and overall health is best when it's something you can stick to. Exhausting yourself or depriving yourself all the time will result in people giving up.

Thank you Spartans, I'm also an exercise freak, and go to the gym 6 days a week! But I have to admit I probably only eat clean 75% of the time LOL. I'm getting better everyday, but being on a restrictive diet for the rest of my life isn't what I want. I just wanted some other people to reassure me that she was being insulting, because the OP in the thread didn't seem to notice that.

I read something a while ago, about how when you get experts in one area, then they (of course) think that the thing they are passionate about, we should ALL be passionate about.

• So you get fitness instructors saying that you have to do all this crazy exercise and eating 7 days a week.
• Dentists insist everyone brushes, flosses twice a day and eat no sugar
• Liver specialists want us give up alcohol

And so on and so on.

When you see this advice online, I just try to remember that the person behind it is probably a specialist so of course is going to be really evangelical about it. But in real life, we can't all be evangelical about everything - we all need vices - we're not all perfect.

OP exactly! I could train more, I have friends who train twice a day. But I prefer staying in with the kids ona night. For me it's about balancing. I love training, I have to eat well or end up I'll. But I won't let it take over. I missed trainin all over bank holiday weekend and got drunk at a bbq with the neighbours. Had a great weekend.

Some people I know are shocked I did that. But even my personal trainer was in agreement with me. That it shouldn't be about training and food all the time.

I was 16 stone when I started, so it's obviously worked for me without having to put my life on hold.

YANBU.

I exercise a lot (at least 30mn of strength training and HIIT cardio every day). I am also overweight because of eating disorders. Before, I used to give up on exercise when I fell off the diet wagon, thinking "what's the point?".

By dissociating healthy eating and exercise, my head is in a much better place. I have very strong muscles, even though you cannot see them much, and good endurance. I am healthier than I have ever been, even though I am a size 14. And when I feel well enough to eat less, the weight falls off much faster.

And yes she was being insulting. It's just rude!

YANBU!

I do distance running, and I get many people on these boards hate excessive cardio but some relations. To do well at most sport and fitness stuff you do have to eat well and train well etc but god it's about balance. I try to eat well (not "clean") just good home made meals and not too much of anything. Sometimes I eat pizza or Krispy kremes.

The biggest fitness person in that I'll I know does bikini modelling and finds sort of behaviour mentioned by op infuriating. She trains hard eats seriously well but also know she loves pizza/roast dinners etc and doesnt deprive herself of them.

All about balance and listening to your own body what works for some won't work for others!

Gizzy I went from a size 18 to a size 10/12 in the last 2 years just through exercise and cleaning up my eating habits a bit (funnily the scales say I still weigh the exact same). Feeling strong is great! But I know what works for me may not be right for everyone. Some people have an easier time controlling what they eat, others prefer exercise. But I can't imagine telling people they aren't special or that they are a long way from their goals!

I've found that in real life too. I'm overweight and unfit and recently decided to try and take some steps towards sorting that out. I'm in therapy for mental illness and chatted with my therapists who helped me make a plan - first steps were getting off the bus to work a few stops earlier meaning I do a 20 minute walk 4 times a week.

I mentioned this to a "friend" as I was proud I'd achieved it for a whole week and she basically told me not to bother as a short walk 4 times a week will "achieve nothing". It really demotivated me!

Diet and exercise isn't all about weight loss and having a "perfect body" there are so many other benefits, so I do believe every little helps.

I'm not stupid enough to think a 20 minute walk will make the weight fall off me but I think it has to help, it's burning more calories than sitting on the bus, and it really helps my mental health and puts me in a better place for starting work :)

Good Job Karaoke as I always say, healthy living is a marathon, not a sprint. Take your time and stick to it. :) You should be very proud of yourself.

YADNBU! I have had a personal trainer (who was rubbish, but that's another thread) and an ex boyfriend who both criticised my attempts at starting to exercise as being not enough. So I stopped.

Karaoke I hate these ideas that x is pointless. 80 mins of walking a week would burn more than a chocolate bar!
I get 200 odd miles of running a week is excessive and not for everyone but to me it's more relaxing than watching telly/baking/gardening/ whatever else people do to unwind!
People should be encouraged to exercise whatever is realistic for them be that Paula Radcliffe running 20 miles a day or parking a bit further than usual and walking in. No one should feel disheartened for exercising

YANBU.
I used to do a lot of exercise. Now I'm in my 40s I don't have the time of the inclination. I still do more than most folks my age - i.e. run parkrun once a week, go to Metafit, make sure I get in at least one gym workout a week, but I'm far from toned looking .

My core now is to use my pedometer. If I get in 10,000 steps a day everything else is a bonus.

I've received an awful PM from this woman saying that I'm sugar-coating things, and that I'm a moron. Lovely.

I don't know, the OP DID ask for toning advice though, didn't she? If by looking toned she means get that kind of definition she seems to be looking for, then the poster's advice is probably good advice.

someone's been quite chippy with the other poster too - was it you who said 'not everyone wants to look like a bodybuilder [eyeroll]'?

Not everyone does want to look like a bodybuilder.

Yanbu. I say that as someone who is naturally tall and thin, never had a weight problem, and loves exercise. However because I don't live on planet twat, I realise that a) not everybody finds it that easy, and b) it's better both for self esteem and health if people have realistic aims.
I also find that people like me who find it easy, don't feel the need to put others down to feel good about ourselves, in the way some people who work at it do. Possibly because I don't need to convince anyone that my efforts are worth it.

However it's fair to say I can see the other side. Sometimes, very fit people with low body fat often have assumptions made about their lifestyle, habits and mental health, and are often considered fair game for snide comments from larger people. And I find in general it's usually bigger people that put down someones efforts, telling them they don't need to do more when truthfully the person could do with positive encouragement to keep it up. Don't forget many people have a strange idea of what healthy looks like, or what constitutes a realistic aim for weight and exercise. Bikini body isn't necessary, but neither is it truthful to imply managing a few average gym classes a week and fitting in a size 14 for the average built ,able bodied is the only realistic long term goal either. But positive encouragement is the way to go, not dismissing previous efforts or achievement.

Not everyone does want to look like a bodybuilder.

And the OP of that thread would have a way to go to see true muscle definition.

Both are true, but you seem to think only one is rude.