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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to sack my cleaner ... and who is BU now?

43 replies

Dieu · 02/09/2015 21:11

Evening everyone.
Cleaner worked for me once a fortnight for a few hours (wish I could afford weekly cleaning!) and did a pretty good job. I usually had to go out though, as for one half hour out of the 3 or 4, she'd want to chat. I'd be more likely to entertain this with an older person or loner, but she's a young woman with lots of friends and an active social life!
She let me down at the last minute several times in the year I'd had her. I'd be getting the kids ready for school and making sure the house was tidied for her, money left out etc, then I'd get the text 20 mins before she was due to say that she had period pains and couldn't come, or whatever. I tried to be understanding and considerate towards her but the last time she did this, I explained that I really did need someone reliable who wouldn't cancel on me at the last minute, and that if it happened again I would have to find someone else.
I received a really stroppy text in reply, saying that she couldn't believe I'd sent her that message, that cleaning for me was a hassle for her as it was only fortnightly, but she tried to be 'good' by agreeing to clean for me. She said that it was my decision if I wanted her to hand my keys back.
I replied that it was in fact her decision, that I would be happy to have her back if she didn't cancel on me at the last minute. I said that I was sorry she felt that way about cleaning for us, and that perhaps she shouldn't have said yes to doing so if it was a hassle to her. I asked her to let me know if she'd like to come back.
A few days went by and I heard nothing at all, so I made the decision to end it it there and find someone else. I let her know that I'd assumed by her silence that she didn't want to continue working for me and that I was sorry it had ended this way, but I had decided to go with an agency as I really did need a dependable service.
She wrote back that she understood, I thanked her, wished her the very best, and politely asked her if I could have my key back. She replied that she was really busy now and offered to meet me near her place to get it back. I suggested that it might be less hassle all round if she were just to pop it in an envelope and post it. She rejected this option, saying that she wouldn't be paying for postage now that she wasn't working for me, to which I offered to send her a SAE if she would give me her address.
I got a shouty upper-cased reply from her saying that this was a very strange suggestion, that she would drop the key off at mine, but that it was MY responsibility to get the key from her, as it's MY key. She also made it so that I couldn't reply to the message, as apparently she's upset every time I get in touch.
A part of me is gutted that I have made someone feel this way. It wasn't my intention for it all to end so badly. A part of me thinks that she's being stroppy and immature, and that I (who am on the same hourly wage as her, but in childcare) would never let my boss down last minute like that or speak to her in such a mardy way.
I think I am probably a bit depressed these days, so am unsure if it's my judgement that's skewed. I guess I have lost my confidence a bit in my dealings with people (in my personal life at any rate) and hate falling out with people! Please could you let me know who is in the wrong. Many thanks.

OP posts:
JanetBlyton · 02/09/2015 21:14

I would just concentrate on getting your key back even if you have to go over to her place to get it and not worry about who was right or wrong. Obviously it wasn't working so it doesn't really matter who was right or wrong.

There are 600,000 cleaners in the Uk and lots of people wanting cleaners so most cleaners can be fairly unreliable and still find another job. Ours has stayed 15 years and I'm lucky.

Noregretsatall · 02/09/2015 21:17

Yanbu. She sounds difficult and hard work! Maybe get the locks changed if she won't return the key.

Dieu · 02/09/2015 21:17

Thank you Janet. I just wasn't sure if it was me who'd made a bad situation worse! I wish I could just shrug it off as one of those things in life, but I find that harder to do these days. Glad your cleaner is working out - 15 years must have seen you through a lot of life changes together!

OP posts:
Dieu · 02/09/2015 21:18

Thanks Noregretsatall.

OP posts:
londonrach · 02/09/2015 21:18

Tbh id change the lock as this didnt end well. Yanbu by the way.

Stillyummy · 02/09/2015 21:18

Change the locks. She sounds a little strange and over invested.

Dieu · 02/09/2015 21:19

She was one of those people who seemed really lovely (and I'm sure she is on the whole) but you see a new side when things start to go wrong.

OP posts:
KitKat1985 · 02/09/2015 21:20

She sounds hard work - unreliable and immature. So no YANBU. However I'd go get your key back asap.

Dieu · 02/09/2015 21:21

Aww, thank you ... am appreciating this validation tonight! It feels awful to be thought of as the weird, unsympathetic one!

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 02/09/2015 21:21

She's a bloody lunatic. Do you know where she lives? Do you have a husband? If so ask her for a convenient time and send him round there. If you don't have a partner, pay someone else (eg a taxi driver) to do it. I wouldn't go near her.

Osolea · 02/09/2015 21:22

You haven't fine anything wrong by the sounds of it so try not to question yourself. She sounds like a stroppy madam and you're well rid.

Lauren15 · 02/09/2015 21:22

I'd change the locks.

TheAnswerIsYes · 02/09/2015 21:23

I wouldn't chase the keys, just get the locks changed. She sounds unstable and I wouldn't trust her.

ihatethecold · 02/09/2015 21:24

Yanbu op.

Dieu · 02/09/2015 21:26

Thanks all.

OP posts:
ThomasRichard · 02/09/2015 21:26

I'd change the locks or I'd be forever worrying about her turning up for a nasty 'payback'. You haven't done anything wrong OP.

notquitehuman · 02/09/2015 21:26

Change the locks, as it's far too easy for her to have a copy of your key made. She sounds a bit unhinged and you can do better in terms of cleaners.

GissASquizz · 02/09/2015 21:27

Lock change for sure.

Dieu · 02/09/2015 21:28

I honestly don't think she'd do anything bad but yes, you never know. Aargh, how annoying to have to do that now.

OP posts:
FairNotFit · 02/09/2015 21:32

Definitely change the locks. Can't hurt.

Dieu · 02/09/2015 21:34

Hopefully more childish than nasty, but yes, it can't hurt.

OP posts:
threenotfour · 02/09/2015 21:34

Yes I would 100% change your locks. That is very odd behaviour and very immature.

MotherOfFlagons · 02/09/2015 21:36

I'd change the locks too. She sounds OTT.

I had a cleaning company who used to come in and they broke something as well as being generally shit. The owner of the company came around and denied that his cleaners had done it, refused to pay for a replacement and generally tried to intimidate me (large man, standing too close, pointing in my face etc). I asked for the key back and he took ages to return it so I just changed the locks.

Janet is right, there are loads of reliable and trustworthy cleaners out there. My current one has been coming in for six years and is brilliant.

CrapBag · 02/09/2015 21:36

YANBU. She sounds childish, immature and very unreliable. You did the right thing and she acted badly and like a stroppy teenager.

I'd change the locks too. I wouldn't trust her at all.

TenForward82 · 02/09/2015 21:37

Another vote for changing the locks. She sounds immature, whiny, and frankly mental.