to sack my cleaner ... and who is BU now?

[Dieu]

Evening everyone.
Cleaner worked for me once a fortnight for a few hours (wish I could afford weekly cleaning!) and did a pretty good job. I usually had to go out though, as for one half hour out of the 3 or 4, she'd want to chat. I'd be more likely to entertain this with an older person or loner, but she's a young woman with lots of friends and an active social life!
She let me down at the last minute several times in the year I'd had her. I'd be getting the kids ready for school and making sure the house was tidied for her, money left out etc, then I'd get the text 20 mins before she was due to say that she had period pains and couldn't come, or whatever. I tried to be understanding and considerate towards her but the last time she did this, I explained that I really did need someone reliable who wouldn't cancel on me at the last minute, and that if it happened again I would have to find someone else.
I received a really stroppy text in reply, saying that she couldn't believe I'd sent her that message, that cleaning for me was a hassle for her as it was only fortnightly, but she tried to be 'good' by agreeing to clean for me. She said that it was my decision if I wanted her to hand my keys back.
I replied that it was in fact her decision, that I would be happy to have her back if she didn't cancel on me at the last minute. I said that I was sorry she felt that way about cleaning for us, and that perhaps she shouldn't have said yes to doing so if it was a hassle to her. I asked her to let me know if she'd like to come back.
A few days went by and I heard nothing at all, so I made the decision to end it it there and find someone else. I let her know that I'd assumed by her silence that she didn't want to continue working for me and that I was sorry it had ended this way, but I had decided to go with an agency as I really did need a dependable service.
She wrote back that she understood, I thanked her, wished her the very best, and politely asked her if I could have my key back. She replied that she was really busy now and offered to meet me near her place to get it back. I suggested that it might be less hassle all round if she were just to pop it in an envelope and post it. She rejected this option, saying that she wouldn't be paying for postage now that she wasn't working for me, to which I offered to send her a SAE if she would give me her address.
I got a shouty upper-cased reply from her saying that this was a very strange suggestion, that she would drop the key off at mine, but that it was MY responsibility to get the key from her, as it's MY key. She also made it so that I couldn't reply to the message, as apparently she's upset every time I get in touch.
A part of me is gutted that I have made someone feel this way. It wasn't my intention for it all to end so badly. A part of me thinks that she's being stroppy and immature, and that I (who am on the same hourly wage as her, but in childcare) would never let my boss down last minute like that or speak to her in such a mardy way.
I think I am probably a bit depressed these days, so am unsure if it's my judgement that's skewed. I guess I have lost my confidence a bit in my dealings with people (in my personal life at any rate) and hate falling out with people! Please could you let me know who is in the wrong. Many thanks.

She must be odd, making sure you can't reply, so how can you pick up your key, even if you wanted to?

Change your locks, keep the text messages, and when she gets in touch for a reference (such people will often do this, so skewed is their sense of how things work), refuse to do so.

I don't think that either of you are being unreasonable, you are depressed and she doesn't sound like she's feeling that great either. I'd change the locks and move on.

She sounds nuts. YY to changing locks.

That's a good question, it is really hard to tell with text messages as the tone can often get misinterpreted.

If she genuinely misinterpreted the tone of your message as a bit narky then I'm not surprised she's not planning on bringing your key round.

I once had a cleaner leave me a really nasty note in response to my leaving her a note to ask her if she could manage some extra hours the following week as I had an estate agent coming round to take photos. Turned out she didn't understand how selling a house works and fully expected to turn up the following week and find me gone ( and thought I should have given her 4 weeks notice of my intention to get the estate agent out ), but fortunately we had a quick chat on the phone and everything was fine.

IME cleaners and non verbal communication doesn't end well!

I think you handled it very well and agree on changing the locks.

YANBU for feeling let down. A few things I have learned from bitter experience, over the past few years:

1 If the cleaner is unreliable, 1st time they let me down, I accept it. 2nd time I give a formal reminder that I need someone who is reliable. This gives them fair opportunity to know where they stand. The 3rd time, I wait until the end of that week's clean and suggest we part company.

1. I personally would never give a house key to a cleaner (or a contractor, come to that) - even if they say "but all my customers give me their key" - well sorry I'm afraid I'm the exception! It is so fraught with dangers, it just isn't worth it, and if things go wrong, you end up having to change the locks = more cost and hassle.

1. The minute they get stroppy (eg if timekeeping is poor, or they start to leave earlier than their time), I start to feel like the relationship isn't positive any more, time to part company.

Worst experience: My DP's former cleaner did his cleaning one week when he was away working, wacked up the heating to the max, did the clean and forgot to turn the thermostat down again when they left. DP came back 5 days later to a furnace of a house and ?150 worth of heating oil used up (1/3 of his supply!). When he mentioned it, instead of saying sorry the cleaner yelled at him, called him every name under the sun and stormed off, never to be seen again.

She is saying that she will return the key to mine tomorrow, as she flatly refused my offer of the SAE (if I were a driver, I'd hop in the car but not that easy). Out of interest, whose responsibility is it in these cases? I'd always thought it was the responsibility of the employee/keyholder to return it, but I could be talking nonsense.

I think it's her responsibility to return it. If there were traumatic circumstances such as a death in the family, I'd expect to pick it up myself, but otherwise I think it's her job to return it.

Change the locks. She can always have made copies. Sorry but I wouldn't trust her an inch.

Hmm, and she has cleverly avoided giving me her address by refusing the SAE

Changing the locks is really expensive, though. I'd just meet her somewhere and get the key back. She's unlikely to do anything to you.
We found our cleaner through a personal recommendation - could be worth asking around?
Hope it all works out.

Hi Lovely. Have found someone else who seems brilliant. She has started up her own cleaning company, so I'm pleased to give her the work. It also means that she can send someone else in place of my regular cleaner if sick, so no more being let down! Thanks again everyone for your replies and the moral support.

That is APPALLING customer service and I would seriously consider a bad review on her facebook page or wherever she advertises!

Disgraceful behaviour!

It is actually possible to change your own locks. Hooray for YouTube and B&Q a.
I strongly recommend this as IF you were burgled in the next few months, for example, you would be asked who else had a key. Especially if no forced entry. Not trying to scaremonger, just a sensible precaution that an insurance company might be keen on

Changing the lock does not have to be too expensive. You can just change the barrel, rather than the whole lock.

I hope she does return the key and yes it's her responsibility to return it. I do a few employee terminations and getting back keys, mobiles etc is often more fraught than negotiating the compensation package. They seem to feel it is their only area of power - to hold on to that property. Sometimes it pays to send a courier to collect it or just let it go but not with keys which you must get back.

Previous posters are right - you can just change the barrel of the lock, and don't have to change the whole thing - plus, as they've said, you can do it yourself.

We had to change our Yale lock two or three times, when ds1 was around 11, because he kept losing his key - whole new locks, fitted by a locksmith would have been horrendously expensive, but iirc, the new barrel for the Yale lock cost only £15 or thereabouts.

Thanks for the info about the lock barrel - really good to know.