to feel I am wasting his childhood

[cjt110]

I have always been the OCD, must be tidy, clean, tasks done kind of person.

DS came along. I love him more than words can describe but I haven't recently found myself thinking, god I'm doing mindless shit X, Y, Z when I should be playing with him, watching tv with him, reading to him.

Our typical night. I get home at 515. I cook tea if DH hasn't. Tea is at 6. Tidy up after tea. Takes me to about 630. He then watches ITNG and I find myself making lunches for the following day or some other task.

Lately I have realised I should be putting all that stuff to the side and spending my time with him. He suddenly turned 1. well not suddenly obviously but it felt like it!

I find myself letting him play on his own whilst I busy myself with things.

How do you do it? Not put housework etc over your child. I feel awful that one day I'll turn around and have missed something, all because I was busy doing something else.

For me at least its not about having to have the house tidy because Im female. Just because I don't like mess.

Anywho. Not done one bit of tidying tonight and had fun with him. Tidying will commence after bedtime! ????

Get in the bath with him! Honestly he will love it!

Bath was done. Maybe next time artandco! Had a fab night with him. Tea and tidying once he was asleep. I like this. It feels good

That's good

I don't think anyone wanted to turn this into a feminist debate (though what on MN isn't?!), just... He's only small once. I get (though don't personally understand!) that there a people who get itchy when they can see housework that has been done, but IMO that shouldn't win out over spending time with your DS. Well, not when you've been at work all day.

Not judging at all - I work f/t and have a decent commute, and we pretty much have to juggle all our housework with DD around - but it's nice some evenings to just spend some quality time with your DC, rather than focusing all the time on the housework.

Yay! Sounds great OP

Bath was done. Maybe next time artandco! Had a fab night with him. Tea and tidying once he was asleep. I like this. It feels good

Not sure why that post reposted?! I really enjoyed it and am enjoying a guilt free glass of wine whilst he soundly sleeps. I cba even putting the pots away that are on the drainer!!

Thankyou everyone for your posts and helping me get things in perspective. We sat playing ball, DS, me and DH. DS chasing the ball round and rolling it back to us. Then some duplo and he kept throwing putting the bricks on the duplo base showing me he understood where they went. Clever little bean!!!

Having sneaky sleepy cuddles again

Had a great morning with him this morning. Up a bit earlier than normal and we played duplo and just spent good time together before I went to work. It felt good

Sounds great. I think since you are working it is good for you both to play together and save the dishes for when he's asleep. Though your balance didn't seem to be way off before, you said you read him stories and bathed him. For me though I think I need to get on with housework once dinner is done and let dh play and bath as he only gets in from work once dinner is ready. Yesterday you all inspired me to clean the bathroom, put a load of washing away and another load on and dry up whilst my dd napped. I even had time to eat some sneaky chocolate and do my puzzle before dd woke up so I still had some time to myself and since I got so much done I felt that I could sit and play with her. Hope you have another lovely evening today op.

Thankyou Arrietty I have prepared tea in the slow cooker today - zilcho prep time tonight = mucho fun!

I don't think there's a right/wrong in terms of the environment being neat - I had a happy childhood and a messy home (but not dirty!) I'm naturally messy/untidy but do manage to clean/tidy 'enough'; I hoover everyday and make the dinner.. and it sounds like some of the people on here with messy childhood homes are actually the neat ones now so it probably wont predict what your kids will be like when they're big!

do you have a partner who can share a little of it? I do everything else but my OH always does the dishes after kids in bed (no dishwasher arggh) so that frees up a little time. I still have enough time to play with the 2 and 4 year old even when their games whisper bore me!

I tend to be more of the 'deep clean' once a fortnight where I'll go crazy making sure every inch is spotless - then i'm ignoring the kids all in one go.

I still go to bed feeling guilty about either the amount of time spent on the house or time spent with the kids.

Mum guilt - cant win!!

think myou are definitely right about Mum Guilt Winstonsma* I enjoyed my time with him last night and felt really great that we had had quality time and the same this morning although it did break my heart when he started crying when I left him at nursery