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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

dh, sickness and childcare

65 replies

lemoncordial · 01/09/2015 12:20

Aibu?

Dh is sick today. He's got a vomiting bug. He's obviously not gone into work. He's been vomiting since last night but hasn't vomited since about 9am and can now keep water down.

He usually picks up 12 month old dd from nursery and I get home in time for bedtime. We had prearranged that I would stay at work late tonight as I have the mother of all deadlines. So he was going to give her formula at bedtime (she's usually breast fed at bedtime). He wants me to abandon my plans to stay late and get home to time to pick dd up and do the childcare and bedtime as he feels he can't manage. This would mean that I would have to go into work tomorrow to meet my deadlines but I'd booked the day off as annual leave. I can't work from home. I need my day off to do some studying for a course I'm doing.

I think my dh should pull it together and look after dd this evening considering he's no longer vomiting. If he was still vomiting then that would be different. He's got 6 hours to rest before he needs to pick her up from my nursery. I know he's feeling crap but I think he can manage.
Aibu?

OP posts:

Smutlins · 01/09/2015 15:04

Last time I had a vomiting bug I ended up in an ambulance after passing out from low blood pressure and dehydration. I'd only been sick twice but it was enough to land me on my arse. If I caught a vomiting bug from someone who deliberately went out to a public place, knowing full well that they had a vomiting bug, I'd be mightily pissed off at their selfishness because the same thing could happen to me again. It's also made DH wary of leaving me to "get on and manage" if I've got a vomiting bug in case the same thing happened again while I was on my own with the DC (all under 6).

Sick Shit happens and when it does you need to pull together to deal with it, it's one of the perks of being in a partnership. Your DH is ill and I think YABU to leave him to struggle on and that YABVU to send him to the nursery knowing full well that he is contagious.

akindofmagic · 01/09/2015 16:27

I'm afraid another YABU here. We have all had a nasty stomach bug. First was DS, he was only ill last Thursday but because of his nursery hours has only gone back today so had plenty of time to recuperate. I was poorly on Sunday. Today my DH is ill. I am doing nursery pick up instead of him, changing my working plans, as if the boot was on the other foot I know he would help me. I would also be angry if I found out a parent currently within the 48 hour exclusion had come to nursery to pick up. These things spread like wildfire and it's bad enough with just the children, adults should know better.

akindofmagic · 01/09/2015 16:28

Forgot to say - was poorly Sunday morning, DS attends after lunch so have cleared the 48 hour exclusion myself.

Theycallmemellowjello · 01/09/2015 16:34

Ooh I was on the fence, but just read that you could do your studying at the weekend but don't want to miss out on a day out of your holiday. I think YABU. It's not a choice between him resting and you missing vital work, it's a choice between him resting and you missing a jolly. You're putting your leisure time at the weekend over his rest time now. That's unreasonable. Just get up super early on both days at the weekend - you can get a lot done in two 6 hour stints and still have two afternoons free.

Florin · 01/09/2015 16:39

I think he needs to man up, do major hand washing not touch anything and pick your child up. I am a sahm and when I am ill I have to just get on with it. Even if I am flat out on the sofa. Husband makes food for both of us on plate before he goes to work and we watch a lot of tv but when you have children you have to just get on with it. It is only for an hour then he can go back to flopping on the sofa. Some flat coke or lucozade might help him give him some energy to do it.
Personally my husband would also so whatever he could to avoid ruining a day of holiday.

NancyCaroline · 01/09/2015 16:48

ProudAs (and others) hand washing does NOT minimalise the risk of infection from a D&V bug. It has nothing to do with personal hygiene. It's in your sweat, saliva, tears and on your skin. I am a medical professional and we have the 48hour rule which is strictly enforced and we do a LOT of hand washing!

OP I do feel for you, it's a bugger when plans get messed up- but YABU. He's ill. It happens. He'll be rough for a few days even if he isn't vomiting (body will be fighting the infection and he'll have a low electrolyte level for a start)

I think you're being a bit mean.

LibrariesGaveUsP0wer · 01/09/2015 16:49

Hang on I'm lost now.

You can finish your project you work very late tonight and you can get your study done in a day tomorrow?

Surely you can swap the study and work over and only be 'down' 2-3 hours. Which you can make up easily. Maybe Thursday /Friday your DH could take on some of 'your' chores to free up time for you all to enjoy the weekend.

I regularly have to look after my kids when I'm ill and it sucks.

All of this does assume he's properly ill.Not just a but mopey.

Smutlins · 01/09/2015 16:52

To everyone saying he should just man up and wash his hands lots, would you be happy with staff at your child's school doing that when they have D&V? Or with your GP doing that? Or your dentist? Or your postman/woman? Or would you rather they, quite rightly, stayed at home and kept their germs to themselves?

ProudAS · 01/09/2015 17:28

He's not going into work (handling things and using loos) though is he.

A child cannot be kept off school just because parent has sick bug and nobody else is available to take/collect them.

I'm more concerned about whether he us up to it.

Smutlins · 01/09/2015 18:01

Intercom button to gain entry? He's putting sweat on the button, along with any fecal or vomit particles on his hands, and if he leans in close enough he'll leave spittle on the mouth piece.

Door handles.

Pen and sign out book? He'll probably rest the other hand on the table top.

When the DD is handed over he'll be in close proximity to whoever hands her over, if she has a coat or bag that's passed over to him then their hands will possibly touch.

If she's got any drawings or anything to collect he might touch the table tops when he picks them up.

If there's a safety gate on the room door he'll be touching that.

The reason vomiting bugs spread like wildfire is because they're transmitted so easily and they can live on surfaces for a long while, just waiting for the next host to pick them up and pass them on.

Then there's the fact, like ProudAS says, he's probably feeling ropey as anything and it's unfair to expect him to have to struggle on when the OP is capable of switching plans around in order to help him.

Smutlins · 01/09/2015 18:04

A child cannot be kept off school just because parent has sick bug and nobody else is available to take/collect them.

I once rang DS1's school to say that he'd be a little bit late that morning. DD had a vomiting bug so couldn't leave the house and I was waiting for my DM to come collect DS and drop him at school for me. School said they'd rather he stayed home that day just in case he had it too as they didn't want it to get into the school and, provided he wasn't sick, they'd see him the following day. It was marked down as an authorised absence.

Original poster

lemoncordial · 02/09/2015 19:41

libraries yes I could have split my day like that, but going into work again the next day would mean doing the 2 hour commute again, plus I really needed a day completely away from work psychologically.

newlife we have pre-course assignments to hand in.

theycall, bert and osolea I can see why from my explanation it sounds like I am being selfish by not wanting to study at the weekend. I desperately need a weekend off. Once I start the course, it will be really full on for about 6 months. I will be working hard during the week and studying at the weekends. I won't have a chance for a full weekend break until February. I've been working ridiculously hard as things have been really hard at work and I worked through the bank holiday weekend (in addition to my normal working week). A weekend away before I start the course is just what I needed.

Anyway we found a way round, I was given some leeway to complete the work I had to do later next week after I have started my course. So I was able to leave work earlier than planned.

Thanks for all your comments.

OP posts:

Jelliebabe1 · 02/09/2015 20:04

I'd love to see a post where a man was posting this about his wife!

Original poster

lemoncordial · 02/09/2015 21:32

I'm sorry I don't understand your point jellie.

OP posts:

LibrariesGaveUsP0wer · 02/09/2015 21:39

I think she's suggesting it would have been a unanimous 'go home' and not a split of any sort.

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