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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

dh, sickness and childcare

65 replies

lemoncordial · 01/09/2015 12:20

Aibu?

Dh is sick today. He's got a vomiting bug. He's obviously not gone into work. He's been vomiting since last night but hasn't vomited since about 9am and can now keep water down.

He usually picks up 12 month old dd from nursery and I get home in time for bedtime. We had prearranged that I would stay at work late tonight as I have the mother of all deadlines. So he was going to give her formula at bedtime (she's usually breast fed at bedtime). He wants me to abandon my plans to stay late and get home to time to pick dd up and do the childcare and bedtime as he feels he can't manage. This would mean that I would have to go into work tomorrow to meet my deadlines but I'd booked the day off as annual leave. I can't work from home. I need my day off to do some studying for a course I'm doing.

I think my dh should pull it together and look after dd this evening considering he's no longer vomiting. If he was still vomiting then that would be different. He's got 6 hours to rest before he needs to pick her up from my nursery. I know he's feeling crap but I think he can manage.
Aibu?

OP posts:
Original poster
lemoncordial · 01/09/2015 13:22

Thanks for all your input.

In answer to done questions: I can't take my annual lead day any other day as the course starts next week and this is my only opportunity.

Yes he does usually pull his weight. We both work full time and fit parenting futures around that equally.

Dd has already been at risk of catching it as we co sleep so she was in close proximity last night. We don't have a spare bedroom for him to sleep in so he slept next to us both as usual last night.

If he was his hands carefully before going in, risk of spreading germs at nursery is minimal.

OP posts:
TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 01/09/2015 13:26

Can't he take the baby out all day on Saturday and let you study then? [Assuming you have to be in the office for the rest of this week]

CheddarGorgeous · 01/09/2015 13:26

My answer still stands. I work FT, DH is SAHP. No way would I expect him to drag himself out of bed and go to a nursery. I would rearrange my work.

redskybynight · 01/09/2015 13:28

If nursery is only a few minutes walk away, can another nursery parent just drop her at home?

SolidGoldBrass · 01/09/2015 13:29

Is there absolutely no one else who could do the pick up and feed the baby? Grandparents, neighbour, friends? Can you afford a professional babysitter for a couple of hours?

Original poster
lemoncordial · 01/09/2015 13:32

I don't know any of the other parents well enough redsky no family nearby either.

Could study at the weekend tread but we've booked a holiday cottage for the weekend so I'd miss out on enjoying the countryside.

OP posts:
googoodolly · 01/09/2015 13:39

Of course there's a risk - there's a reason there's a 48 hour rule for kiddies going back to school/nursery. You're contagious - your skin, sweat, etc. is full of germs for at LEAST 24 hours afterwards.

I think unless there is absolutely NO other option, he shouldn't be going out and picking up. I wouldn't even go out with a stomach bug, let alone to a nursery.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 01/09/2015 13:42

Maybe point it out to him that you are going to have to postpone the cottage/spend it studying but if he's not well enough to cope then there's really no choice. With any luck he'll feel a bit better by 5pm and can call you before you leave the office.

schokolade · 01/09/2015 13:53

Oh I feel for you OP.

Still, I think YABU. Especially in light of being able to study at the weekend. Assuming your DH is not normally a lazy arse.

Either you lose some countryside enjoyment, or he loses the chance to recuperate. And possibly passes onto DD/you, ruining entire countryside enjoyment...

schokolade · 01/09/2015 13:54

Could you at least do some studying once DD is in bed?

coconutpie · 01/09/2015 13:58

YABU. He is ill. When I had a vomiting bug I was out for 2, nearly 3 days and was only vomiting for the first 12 hours but it took me a good while to recover after. And you are being incredibly irresponsible sending him up to the nursery, potentially infecting vulnerable babies.

londonrach · 01/09/2015 14:01

Yabu. The last thing you want is your dd to catch it.

BarbarianMum · 01/09/2015 14:07

On balance (and it is a tough one) I think YABU. But I think he should take tomorrow off to look after your dd so you can work (if he is well enough then).

As a SAHM I did cope with the dc when ill unless I needed to be in bed. Then dh had to leave work and deal with them.

NewLife4Me · 01/09/2015 14:08

Why are you needing to study if the course doesn't start until next week?
Surely you won't have anything to do yet.

I would take this time to find local childcare for when this happens again. Little children pick up everything that is going and sometimes both parents need the extra help if they have had enough time off work already.

I know mine were off a lot and we wouldn't have coped having no family at all. This was one reason why we decided on a sahp.

PoppyPopTart · 01/09/2015 14:08

I completely understand your dilemma WRT your work deadline, so I'm not going to say YABU. However, these bugs are mightily contagious, as I sure you are aware, and it's unfair to potentially infect other babies/children/parents at the nursery. I used to work in a nursery, and once someone caught a bug it spread like wildfire.

StarlingMurmuration · 01/09/2015 14:12

If he was his hands carefully before going in, risk of spreading germs at nursery is minimal.

This makes you sounds really cavalier. I'd be furious if your sick DH passed someone on to my child when it was avoidable, just so you didn't miss enjoying the countryside at the weekend.

ProudAS · 01/09/2015 14:13

I think the chances of him infecting children at nursery are pretty slim especially if he washes his hands thoroughly, avoids touching anything and picks her up last thing after the other children have gone. The nursery no doubt have the 48 hour rule for good reason but children who are not particularly hot on personal hygiene, knowing when they are likely to throw up and dash to the loo etc are another matter.

See how your DH is feeling at pick up time. If you had to go into work tomorrow how much of the day would it take up?

AbeSaidYes · 01/09/2015 14:14

I think your husband should be given a break. Is this a reverse AIBU?

ThatDoesntMeanWhatYouThinkItMe · 01/09/2015 14:28

When I was feeling really terrible last week I was so grateful to have DP's help.

If he'd have told me to suck it up because that's what single parents do all the time then I would've been really pissed off and felt like we weren't part of a team.

It's no doubt very annoying and bad timing for you and your deadline. But it's not his fault.

Osolea · 01/09/2015 14:32

The chances of him passing anything on at nursery are small, but that's really not the point.

He's ill, and you have just said you could do your studying at the weekend. So obviously, that's what you should do.

I can't believe you'd rather make someone you claim to love drag themselves to a nursery and look after a small child when they're ill so that you don't miss out on a day of countryside.

That is just horribly selfish.

CountryLovingGirl · 01/09/2015 14:36

I don't think he should look after her. He will be feeling rough and very contagious (for up to 48 hrs after vomiting has stopped). Not only will your daughter be at risk but also the entire nursery.
Can you get a childminder?

middlethird · 01/09/2015 14:38

what muddling said.

I've had to do it when the whole family was sick! I think he should step up... you would have to!!

LieselVonTwat · 01/09/2015 14:42

I probably wouldn't assume he'll be fit to travel tbh. If all he had to do was stay in the house with her, it might be different, but the walk will probably be the hardest part.

BertPuttocks · 01/09/2015 14:52

YABU.

If your dh goes out he may risk infecting the nursery children and staff, as well as anyone he meets on the walk there and back.

It's not a question of whether you think he can manage. You can't possibly know how crappy he might be feeling.

Some illnesses are the kind you can struggle through with. Others can leave you knocked on your arse with no energy to do anything.

Your post comes across as very "Me me me".

Babyroobs · 01/09/2015 14:52

YABU- he shouldn't be going anywhere near a nursery if he only last vomited this morning, he could risk passing the bug around to others.