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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think Headmaster is wrong to be FB friends with parents...

75 replies

minionmadness · 31/08/2015 23:47

Just that really. Just seems wrong to me and generally seems very unprofessional but prepared to be told I am wrong.

OP posts:
Murfles · 01/09/2015 20:13

You opinion, Murfles, is at odds with that of your profession. You are taking the 'scared and luddite' stance

Nope, you're wrong there. I'm taking the 'Murfles has a private life that would most likely scare the shit out of any parents that were aware of it and I'm entitled to live my personal life how I choose' stance. I only have friends and family on my FB. Parents of children who attend my school are not my friends. nor would I like them to see my holiday pics, drunken pics, dancing on tables pics There is a clear social media policy in our LA which applies to all school staff. I prefer the staff to adhere to it. If they breach it then I would take any action needed.

OurBlanche · 01/09/2015 20:26

What does your LA policy actually say?

It won't say you CAN NOT have fb.

It will not say you CAN NOT have parents of children at your school as friends.

It WILL outline what it deems unacceptable and what it will do if these guidelines are transgressed in such a way as to bring it/you into disrepute.

You are now saying something a bit different from your first and second responses... which is what I was responding to.

I was on our local social media committee, which is why I am fairly certain of the usual procedure and the legal stance, well, as of September last.

Original poster
minionmadness · 01/09/2015 20:29

And OP, pupils as friends is an entirely different mater You are muddying the waters. But even then, older students, FE and HE, would not pose much of a problem. Many FE/HE institutes use social media all the time.

I was referring to Parents... why put yourself in a position where you have to sit in front of a parent who is a FB friend and have to discipline/exclude their child.

As the headmaster you should remain impartial and I don't see how you can do this whilst being FB friends with some parents and not others.

I completely agree that in this instance (as in my own) work and personal life should be separate.

OP posts:
OurBlanche · 01/09/2015 20:43

I don't really disagree. It is the equating having such fb friends as unprofessional that annoys the hell out of me.

To be unprofessional it would have to be proscribed within teaching certification, employment law, contracts etc. And it isn't. Nor is impartiality!

Sometimes it should be pointed out, teachers and HTs are supposed to teach your kids, not rule the world or be held up as paragons of perfection in the workplace.

There is nothing in the job description that says "on entering the teaching profession you must be prepared to become Billy No Mates and severely curtail your social life".

How many of your work acquaintances are in your social sphere? For some teachers the answer would be almost all of them.

Common sense and good guidelines are required, that's all.

Murfles · 01/09/2015 21:00

How many of your work acquaintances are in your social sphere

Not very many. I live a considerable distance from the school. Apart from leaving dinners and Christmas nights out I don't socialise with colleagues from school. I never have, again, due to where I live. We tend to socialise with friends out with my career and DH's career. Neither of us particularly enjoy 'talking shop' at social events. We have to socialise a lot due to DH's chosen career which I find tedious and boring.

Impostersyndrome · 01/09/2015 21:12

I think it's a serious error of judgement, even if it isn't proscribed. Even as a university lecturer I'd never dream of being a 'friend' of a student. In fact I'm not on Facebook at all, partly because of not wishing to have such a situation of a student asking to befriend me.

FATEdestiny · 01/09/2015 21:17

An Assistant Head left my children's school in circumstances that rumour has it wasn't positive.

Since leaving she has started Fb friending various socially active parents from our school. The teacher evidently does not havegood privacy settings since I see the holiday pictures and picture of her child that are "liked" my some of my friends that are her friend (ie I am a "friend of a friend", not this ex-teachers friend).

I am a teacher myself. And a governor. I find seeing this womans personal life highly unprofessional and, urm, well just very odd.

I have been debating for the whole summer hols if it would be worth mentioning to the HT that this is happening.

Still not sure if I should tell the HT what is happening (not sure if this teacher is still working for LEA) or just mind my own business. What do you think?

silvercatowner · 01/09/2015 21:19

I am also a University lecturer and I have a professional Facebook page. It is open - i.e. no security, and works really well as an informal method to augment my communications with students. I also have a personal FB which is locked down as fast as it will go. Not that I have much to hide - there is a definite fluffy kitten theme to my personal FB. FB isn't dangerous per se, it is the use to which it is put that is the issue.

WineIsMyMainVice · 01/09/2015 21:22

Don't care if it's a private school or a village school or whatever - it's completely unprofessional and completely wrong!!!

OurBlanche · 01/09/2015 21:28

Jesus! How many times? The word you are looking for is not unprofessional. It cannot be unprofessional as it is not proscribed by certification, regulation or job decription!

Murfles, that is fine for you but I have relatives and friends for whom any 'no parents as friends' rules would leave them socially stranded.

Imposter no one has said that having students as friends is OK. The OP is about parents! However, many schools use fb as a means of communicating with both students and parents. Not quite the same as having them as friends.

Murfles · 01/09/2015 22:24

It cannot be unprofessional as it is not proscribed by certification, regulation or job description!

'Unprofessional' can be defined in many ways depending on the circumstances and individual views. It's very unfair of you to attempt to tell other posters how to define 'unprofessional' as they are expressing their personal opinions and views.

IguanaTail · 01/09/2015 23:12

The thing is, she could have parents that are friends, but their children could be one click away from seeing their Geography teacher blind drunk in a bikini at a party in Thailand and that might (should) not be how she wishes to be seen by her pupils.

OurBlanche · 01/09/2015 23:28

Shame on you Murfles. You should know that is not true when you are speaking of an actual profession. Its meaning has a legal definition, one yu can lose your career over.

THAT is what annoys me. The waffly usage of terminology when the choice of words has a specific meaning in a specific case. If you are a HT you should be aware and wary of its misuse also! It could have unfortunate legal ramifications if left unchecked when applied to any individual.

IguanaTail · 01/09/2015 23:35

It also means falling below the standard of behaviour expected. Not all expectations are written down.

OurBlanche · 01/09/2015 23:39

At that point I shall give in and simply mourn the passing of the English language.

IguanaTail · 01/09/2015 23:54

Oh dear! I'll sing a sad hymn for you to create the atmosphere. Shock (me singing!)

Original poster
minionmadness · 02/09/2015 00:02

Murfles, that is fine for you but I have relatives and friends for whom any 'no parents as friends' rules would leave them socially stranded.

Are you serious... friendships aren't reliant on social media. I have friends who are not on any type of social media, they haven't suddenly become friendless.

OP posts:
missmartha · 02/09/2015 07:35

I have a family member, wife of a cousin, who's a school room assistant (sorry no idea what the actual title is as I have no children in school), who informs me that it is illegal for school employees to be on FB at all. She is but says it's all very hush hush.

My SiL is a school principle who's on FB, so thought this might not be the case.

I'm still a bit confused though.

FuzzyWizard · 02/09/2015 07:52

Martha- your SIL is fine to have a FB account. Your cousin's wife has got confused.

KeyserSophie · 02/09/2015 07:56

why put yourself in a position where you have to sit in front of a parent who is a FB friend and have to discipline/exclude their child.

minion But if you're friends with them in real life (which is why you are FB friends) then disciplining their child will be awkward anyway BUT teachers dont just fold themselves into a cupboard at the end of the day. They have lives. By the laws of averages, HT's and T's will have friends whose children are at the school. I currently play netball with a woman who might be DS's teacher next year. What shall I do? Socially shun her?

Providing theyre not slagging off the school/ pupils on FB or disclosing private information, I dont see the issue.

00100001 · 02/09/2015 08:23

Of course teachers shouldn't be friednwith parents or students. It pits then at risk.

Our school says you canonly electronically communicate through school email, so records are kept and archived.

We just had a huge complaint made, and we were able to back up our position because we had a record if every emai, even thigh deleted. If that was through Facebook or hotmail or twitter, there's pretty much fuck all we could have done to prove any innocence/lack of wrong doing etc

We maintain that the school email only policy is for the protection of both staff and students, and it works.

00100001 · 02/09/2015 08:25

I always feel with social media and working I schools, why the fuck would I have parents as friends? I have zero interaction with then outside professional, and certainly nothing out of hours, so what's the bloody point of having then on FB?

Bogburglar99 · 02/09/2015 08:39

It's not straightforward. I'm a school governor and one of the teachers at school was a close friend before DD went to the school. We now have kids in the same class. We are FB friends.

I am also friends with a couple of parents who are also teachers/TAs at the school, because they are friends/ fellow parents. I wouldn't request a friendship with DDS teacher lovely as she is, or with the Head/ other teaching staff I have only a professional relationship with.

I am careful what I post - nothing but positives/ bland re school ever, and I have never seen any content from friends re school that's otherwise. If I did I think I'd reconsider being friends on FB.

I don't think there is a black and white rule but you do need maturity and common sense on both sides.

Original poster
minionmadness · 02/09/2015 09:35

Very spooky...TV is on whilst we are getting ready and they are discussing this very topic on the Wright Show" this morning.

OP posts:
missmartha · 02/09/2015 10:35

Thanks fuzzy I did think it was like that. I can't really imagine my SiL getting it wrong.

SiL doesn't have parents as friends and doesn't post anything school related apart from things like "Another term begins" or something equally as meaningless.

I think she actually has a FB account so that she can keep an eye on the rest of the family and her friends.

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