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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think Headmaster is wrong to be FB friends with parents...

75 replies

minionmadness · 31/08/2015 23:47

Just that really. Just seems wrong to me and generally seems very unprofessional but prepared to be told I am wrong.

OP posts:
Itllbefiiiiiiiiine · 01/09/2015 09:43

I'm a TA and the rule is, no parent friends on fb.

FuzzyWizard · 01/09/2015 09:54

I am Shock at some of the social media policies people are willing to sign. I'm a teacher and don't have any parents, ex-students or colleagues on my Facebook. I'd still refuse to sign a social media policy that dictated which adults I could or could not be friends with on my private, locked-down Facebook account. No way should any teacher be posting anything to social media that would create problems if seen by parents etc anyway. It's ridiculous to have such strict rules... A colleague has a niece at school- any policy that would make her unfriend her sister and BIL on Facebook is frankly bonkers. Likewise the colleague with a daughter at our school shouldn't have to unfriend all the parents she made friends with whilst her daughter was at primary school just because they have moved up to a secondary where she teaches.

UterusUterusGhali · 01/09/2015 09:55

But what if you're friends anyway?

My Ds attend a tiny village school and I'm friends with some of the staff.

Vintagebeads · 01/09/2015 10:00

My friend teaches secondary, she has students,ex students and staff on her fb and often makes comments about school,ofsted etc she is one of the smartest women I know except in this instance.

GoblinLittleOwl · 01/09/2015 14:15

He is a fool. It may not be forbidden, but it is strongly discouraged.

sanfairyanne · 01/09/2015 14:21

Schools are usually about a decade behind everyone else in terms of modern technology. I have 2 facebook accounts, one is for 'work' but still presents as a private fb page, i'm just more careful kn it. As a school governor, we were not allowed any fb friends who were parents at the school or under 18. It was one of the reasons i stopped being a governor, it annoyed me as a policy.

Original poster
minionmadness · 01/09/2015 14:22

I will have to accept that some find no issue with this, although I haven't been convinced to change my mind. It's just not something I would personally do but perhaps that down to my own job.

Interestingly there is guidance on one of the Teaching union websites that states with regards to social media use... never accept a friends request from a parent or pupil at the school, alongside other things, which suggest they believe this might be an issue under some circumstances.

OP posts:
Mistigri · 01/09/2015 14:29

All I would expect of my children's teachers is that they respect their employers' social media policies.

To a certain extent it does depend on the context (it would seem fairly normal to be FB friends with some parents if you teach in a small village school for eg). But ultimately as long as people behave professionally why should it cause a problem?

I don't share my FB identity with colleagues or business contacts (I use an alias) because I don't want to have to watch what I say, but many of my colleagues use social media sensibly (I'm not in teaching but I don't think this is an issue confined to teaching).

HirplesWithHaggis · 01/09/2015 14:29

A sensible policy would be to be careful about what is posted on social media, rather than an out and out ban. Posting pictures of your dinner or lovely sunsets fine, posting selfies when wearing minimal clothing and pissed out of your head, or political/religious rants, or moaning about work, not so fine.

VinylScratch · 01/09/2015 14:31

I think it's unprofessional. There's a teacher at DD's school who has added all the school mums to try to flog them fecking Herbalife shite on the side. I think it will come back to bite her in the arse because I've heard other mums gossiping in the playground about stuff in her private life that she's put on Facebook.

experiencedhider · 01/09/2015 15:56

We've had Safeguarding refresher this week and were reminded about the importance of privacy settings,and not having pupil or parents as friends. In itself it is not generally misconduct, but could create situations which are e.g. If a teacher talks disparagingly about the SLT, and pupils/parents see it, that is arguably a disciplinary offence.

littlejohnnydory · 01/09/2015 16:35

Village school here, several teachers have children at the school and also live in the village, so are fb friends with a lot of the parents.

MagicalHamSandwich · 01/09/2015 16:47

HT's daughter here. My mum doesn't do FB thank goodness but is definitely friends with some of the parents (nowadays usually grandparents) of kids that attend her school. She's also friends with plenty of co-workers so I had my fair share of my own teachers coming for dinner growing up. They were all 'Maddie' at my house and 'Miss Jones' in class.

In a rural small town there's really no other way to have any sort of a social life for a teacher. I suppose it depends on the circumstances but I don't think it's necessarily a problem.

MagicalHamSandwich · 01/09/2015 16:48

X-post, littlejohnny but that's exactly what I mean.

OurBlanche · 01/09/2015 17:08
  1. It is not unprofessional as it is not included in the Code of Conduct or certification for teachers. So just having fb or being friends with parents is not sanctionable, you cannot be called into professional disrepute/struck off just for having fb like that.
  1. No union will tell a teacher they MUST NOT have fb or be fb friends with parents. I checked each Union a few months ago... they have mealy mouthed policies at best.
  1. LAs cannot make it a MUST NOT. They all have strongly worded clauses/expectations but they don't ban the use of social media by teaching staff. Oddly the grapevine in most LAs say differently. It seems to be one of those Urban Myths.
  1. It is not a safeguarding issue. It may be a confidentiality issue. It may be a lack of common sense issue. Actually, it is a safeguarding issue, if you believe the obvious, that teachers too need to be safeguarded. Though I know fro previous threads that some here don't believe that, at all!
  1. All of the above recommend every teacher thinks long and hard before doing so. Privacy and sensible content are outlined, in BOLD CAPITALS in every handbook you get.

6.. Every really good school/college uses fb regularly to contact parents and appropriately aged students. Even then they are behind the curve as other social media sites become more popular. www.theguardian.com/teacher-network/2012/jul/26/social-media-teacher-guide

They also have very clear guideline as to what is unacceptable use and the steps they will take if the guidelines are breached.

So no, OP the HT is not BU to have parents as fb friends. Nor are they unprofessional by mere dint of doing so.

The content of any postings may change that!

BrandNewAndImproved · 01/09/2015 17:15

I know a few teachers that deactivated their account once they became teachers just to avoid any situations or being tagged in embarrassing photos ect.

stupidlybroody · 01/09/2015 17:23

Bit off topic, but I'm not too long out of school (left sixth form 5 years ago) and we were friends with our favourite teachers on Facebook while we were still pupils. Clearly social media policing has come a long way in a short time!

Charis1 · 01/09/2015 17:33

Maybe it is a facebook account specifically set up to communicate with parents.We had those for our tutor groups. It was compulsary.

Murfles · 01/09/2015 17:48

I'm an HT and no way would I be FB friends with any parents of children who attend my school. My FB would probably scare them anyway

Original poster
minionmadness · 01/09/2015 18:12

Glad to hear that Murfles

In my role I am often the person who dismisses employees and people will use any information they can get at to try and discredit you.

This is why I personally wouldn't lay myself open by being friends on FB with employees. Imagine having to discipline or even exclude a pupil and you were FB friends... awkward!

OP posts:
Murfles · 01/09/2015 18:38

Minion I wouldn't risk having my professionalism compromised in any way. I don't live in the area I work, I never have and never will. My professional life and private life are completely separate and I like to keep it that way. In my opinion the HT in question is blurring the boundaries of professionalism.

OurBlanche · 01/09/2015 18:46

You opinion, Murfles, is at odds with that of your profession. You are taking the 'scared and luddite' stance. Your profession, its certification, unions and funding authorities do not hold you to that standard. You can hold to it, I hope you never try to enforce it on your staff.

Merely having fb doe not compromise your professionalism. How you use it might. Just as how you talk to people, write mails etc could.

And OP, pupils as friends is an entirely different mater You are muddying the waters. But even then, older students, FE and HE, would not pose much of a problem. Many FE/HE institutes use social media all the time.

I was a DHead until last year. I am not guessing.

Charis1 · 01/09/2015 18:49

In my role I am often the person who dismisses employees and people will use any information they can get at to try and discredit you

But on the other hand, a job is only a job, and if you find its interfering with how you want to live your life, why bother about whether you lose it or not?

OurBlanche · 01/09/2015 19:11

Or just monitor privacy settings and only post responsibly!

There is no way any social media site can force you to broadcast your private life. So if it does it is because you posted something you didn't think about first!

MissDuke · 01/09/2015 19:34

I am in a job which dictates that personal and professional life must remain separate so I also find this hard to understand. I have noticed teachers commenting on photos of their pupils many times. I often see that I have lots of mutual friends with them - all parents from school. One time a child was star of the week and the teacher commented on a photo that she picked her due to her 'consistently perfect behaviour'. Things like that. I dunno, it does make me very uncomfortable. It just feels unprofessional and like favouritism is at play.