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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To find the whole "Bride's big day" odd?

31 replies

XCChamps · 31/08/2015 09:07

The whole best day of you life thing? I don't get it. Surely there are loads of more special things that (should) happen in a woman's life than some chap agreeing to marry her?

It seems strange to me that we've come so far with equal opportunities etc but being princess for a day still seems to be so important to so many women and getting more important with all the bridezilla tales and huge sums spent on weddings.

And, if it is such a big day, why still all about the bride and not the groom?

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 31/08/2015 11:38

Yabvu, yes for the bride, for both of them it's a big and special day, why woul it not! She can wear what she wants and makes her happy, as long as she has funds for it. Feminism gave women choices, not restrictions.

lemoncordial · 31/08/2015 17:07

Yanbu. Can't stand that attitude towards weddings. It reinforces the sexist idea that it should be every woman's dream to be 'completed' by a man. That it should be of life's goal. I hate the pressure women are under to look a certain way. I avoided all that at my wedding as I felt really uncomfortable with the idea that I should wear loads of make up and lose weight. Didn't wear any make up on my wedding day.

Theycallmemellowjello · 31/08/2015 17:19

Does anyone actually say this? I've heard weddings described as 'the big day' but not 'the bride's big day'. I've never been to a wedding where I've got the feeling it wasn't to do with both the partners. It's only the big dress that sets the woman apart really - and not everyone goes for that (I didn't!). As for expenses - you don't have to be a bridezilla to end up spending quite a lot. I certainly hadn't been dreaming of the perfect wedding since infancy (in fact my DH was more insistent than me on having a 'proper' wedding), but my DH and I both had a large number of family members and friends we wanted there, and providing a venue, food, drink, staff, entertainment for 100 people is not cheap, even if you don't go down the rent-a-castle route. I also wouldn't assume that just because someone has a fancy dress and all the trimmings, that this somehow means that there's less of an emotional involvement. That's not how it works.

bikeandrun · 31/08/2015 17:20

Best days of life, when me and my now dh became a couple, birth of my children, two sporting achievements, moving into the first house we bought, getting my first job as a qualified professional, a mid nineties rave, ( I wont count that now as I am a responsible adult and taking e is very naughty) Wedding day was fine but was not as important or live changing as the others.

WeMissYouHissedTheLovecats · 31/08/2015 17:41

Think some of it, the bad part, is a commercial drive to go the "no expense spared" route.

But part of it is good, and it's about the fact that basically, usually, it's the bride who has to deal with all the pressure and hassle and work of dealing with organising a big event. So it's a reminder that at the end of the day, it's ok to make some choices that suit the bride, have some things that make her happy.

Yes, some people have helpful mothers/sisters/friends/partners/wedding planners, but usually, most of the organising is down to the bride. And some people have very stressful/picky families and friends, or tight budgets, or all manner of other extra stressors. So sometimes when a bride is stressing over what choice to make about some aspect of some thing, kind friends say "it's your day, choose what you would like".

I used to organise events as part of my job, and I found planning my wedding much more difficult and stressful than anything I did professionally, so good knows what it like for people who don't have some experience in it. Some people enjoy that kind of thing but a lot don't.

Some selfish people take it too far and go all bridezilla, but in my experience they are selfish people anyway, so it would go that way anyway. The "it's your day" thing is for the person who will be up arranging flowers and putting together favours at midnight the night before, stressing about whether mil/distant cousin will get the right meal and so on.

Pseudo341 · 31/08/2015 17:47

Each to their own. I had a tiny immediate family only ceremony and lunch followed by a big piss up in the evening so we could invite all our mates without having to do the "wedding" part. However I love going to other people's fancy weddings.

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