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AIBU?

To find the whole "Bride's big day" odd?

31 replies

XCChamps · 31/08/2015 09:07

The whole best day of you life thing? I don't get it. Surely there are loads of more special things that (should) happen in a woman's life than some chap agreeing to marry her?

It seems strange to me that we've come so far with equal opportunities etc but being princess for a day still seems to be so important to so many women and getting more important with all the bridezilla tales and huge sums spent on weddings.

And, if it is such a big day, why still all about the bride and not the groom?

OP posts:

Report

Pseudo341 · 31/08/2015 17:47

Each to their own. I had a tiny immediate family only ceremony and lunch followed by a big piss up in the evening so we could invite all our mates without having to do the "wedding" part. However I love going to other people's fancy weddings.

WeMissYouHissedTheLovecats · 31/08/2015 17:41

Think some of it, the bad part, is a commercial drive to go the "no expense spared" route.

But part of it is good, and it's about the fact that basically, usually, it's the bride who has to deal with all the pressure and hassle and work of dealing with organising a big event. So it's a reminder that at the end of the day, it's ok to make some choices that suit the bride, have some things that make her happy.

Yes, some people have helpful mothers/sisters/friends/partners/wedding planners, but usually, most of the organising is down to the bride. And some people have very stressful/picky families and friends, or tight budgets, or all manner of other extra stressors. So sometimes when a bride is stressing over what choice to make about some aspect of some thing, kind friends say "it's your day, choose what you would like".

I used to organise events as part of my job, and I found planning my wedding much more difficult and stressful than anything I did professionally, so good knows what it like for people who don't have some experience in it. Some people enjoy that kind of thing but a lot don't.

Some selfish people take it too far and go all bridezilla, but in my experience they are selfish people anyway, so it would go that way anyway. The "it's your day" thing is for the person who will be up arranging flowers and putting together favours at midnight the night before, stressing about whether mil/distant cousin will get the right meal and so on.

bikeandrun · 31/08/2015 17:20

Best days of life, when me and my now dh became a couple, birth of my children, two sporting achievements, moving into the first house we bought, getting my first job as a qualified professional, a mid nineties rave, ( I wont count that now as I am a responsible adult and taking e is very naughty) Wedding day was fine but was not as important or live changing as the others.

Theycallmemellowjello · 31/08/2015 17:19

Does anyone actually say this? I've heard weddings described as 'the big day' but not 'the bride's big day'. I've never been to a wedding where I've got the feeling it wasn't to do with both the partners. It's only the big dress that sets the woman apart really - and not everyone goes for that (I didn't!). As for expenses - you don't have to be a bridezilla to end up spending quite a lot. I certainly hadn't been dreaming of the perfect wedding since infancy (in fact my DH was more insistent than me on having a 'proper' wedding), but my DH and I both had a large number of family members and friends we wanted there, and providing a venue, food, drink, staff, entertainment for 100 people is not cheap, even if you don't go down the rent-a-castle route. I also wouldn't assume that just because someone has a fancy dress and all the trimmings, that this somehow means that there's less of an emotional involvement. That's not how it works.

lemoncordial · 31/08/2015 17:07

Yanbu. Can't stand that attitude towards weddings. It reinforces the sexist idea that it should be every woman's dream to be 'completed' by a man. That it should be of life's goal. I hate the pressure women are under to look a certain way. I avoided all that at my wedding as I felt really uncomfortable with the idea that I should wear loads of make up and lose weight. Didn't wear any make up on my wedding day.

Aeroflotgirl · 31/08/2015 11:38

Yabvu, yes for the bride, for both of them it's a big and special day, why woul it not! She can wear what she wants and makes her happy, as long as she has funds for it. Feminism gave women choices, not restrictions.

BalloonSlayer · 31/08/2015 10:27

I think birds post was very thought-provoking!

Also, don't forget in the past it was often the first time the bride and groom were going to have sex. So the whole proceedings were all tinged with expectation and excitement. They were often desperate to get married so they could get their hands on each other at last.

I often think at all the hen night paraphanalia with L plates etc as if the bride and groom to be haven't been at it for years.

HamaTime · 31/08/2015 10:07

I loved getting married and it's probably the biggest thing I've ever done despite having 2 degrees and 3 dcs. I wasn't wild about the actual wedding (DP is massively popular and extrovert and the wedding was huge) but it was the first (and only!) party I've ever had to organise where I would be front and centre and it was a big deal and I did want to enjoy it as much as possible. I don't see the virtue unpretending it's not important and experience has taught me that often the people who anti 'big day' are often the people who make no end of fuss about their supposed low key events. I'm not the 'princess' type, in fact I'm quite butch, but I don't see what is wrong with going all 'princess' if that's what you're into and can afford it

TheMotherOfHellbeasts · 31/08/2015 10:05

TPel (love your username btw) yy, and who aspires to be a glorified broodmare?!

TPel · 31/08/2015 10:03

I don't get the princess thing either. After all a princess doesn't have any power or authority and is usually just the means for a prince to have an heir!

I blame Disney!

Floralnomad · 31/08/2015 10:00

I agree OP , we had a few hiccups before our wedding with the plans and my then lovely SIL to be said to me words to the effect of 'you could do without the hassle on the biggest day of your life' . At the time I said to her blimey I hope it isn't ! 26 yrs on ,I enjoyed my wedding day and love my DH ,but that day doesn't figure among my top days which among other things would include having my DC , getting my first horse , picking our puppy at Battersea .

MyNightWithMaud · 31/08/2015 09:59

Yes, that's exactly how I saw it. I wanted it to be a lovely day for us and our guests but just wasn't interested in lots of the superficial stuff that seems attached to weddings now.

ThursdayLastWeek · 31/08/2015 09:59

Of course that true -but it's nice to have a happy fun filled wedding day, as it is to have a healthy trouble free pregnancy. The means don't have to be gruelling.

But anyway, that's not to say that a wedding day should only be about the Bride. Mine certainly wasn't.

TheMotherOfHellbeasts · 31/08/2015 09:53

MyNightWithMaud yy, I've always felt that a wedding it just a means to an end - marriage to the one you love, just as pregnancy is a means to an end.

katienana · 31/08/2015 09:53

If I could live one day again it would be my wedding day, it was awesome and I spent it with all my favourite people. Ds birth was a day I will never forget but it hurt and was scary!

Birdsgottafly · 31/08/2015 09:50

""Brides - don't worry if your special day fails to meet expectations - be grateful that you'll probably survive the first year""

A bit of gratitude never goes amiss.

MyNightWithMaud · 31/08/2015 09:50

I tend to agree with you. It seems to me that the trend towards Disneyfied "bride's big day" type weddings has grown much stronger in the 20 years since we got married. Of course people can have whatever style of wedding that they want, but it seems to me that the changing nature of marriage (more cohabitation, more divorce) and celebrity-driven culture (anyone remember Posh and Beck's matching thrones) mean that the emphasis has switched from the marriage to the wedding.

Bunbaker · 31/08/2015 09:47

"in my opinion a wedding day should be about a man and a woman vowing to spend the rest of their lives together. It shouldn't be just the brides big day."

I so agree with this. Ours was just close family and a handful of friends - about 40 in total.

Reubs15 · 31/08/2015 09:42

I think people can have whatever wedding they want. However, in my opinion a wedding day should be about a man and a woman vowing to spend the rest of their lives together. It shouldn't be just the brides big day. For our wedding we'll just be having family whom we're close to.

Duckdeamon · 31/08/2015 09:36

birdsgottAfly surely gets the cheeriest bank holiday post so far!

Brides - don't worry if your special day fails to meet expectations - be grateful that you'll probably survive the first year

elliejjtiny · 31/08/2015 09:36

Thank goodness you posted that Thursday . The day my DS5 was born was probably one of the worst days of my life and it always worries me when people say how amazing their childrens births were. Good to know I'm not the only shallow person who preferred my wedding day!

Bunbaker · 31/08/2015 09:34

Is it possible that it is the woman's first big occasion in her life?

OH confessed to me that he didn't start to enjoy our wedding until after he had given his speech. The idea of giving a speech was hanging over him until then.

We didn't have a grand wedding at all as neither of us wanted one and there weren't any funds for a big wedding.

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TheMotherOfHellbeasts · 31/08/2015 09:33

I agree, I don't like being the centre of attention and to be frank, I felt like a complete twat on my wedding day, it all felt so staged and forced, and it made me feel like I was being treated like a naieve young girl playing dress up when by that point I had a very high profile and lucrative career which had taken me all over the world.

The only parts I genuinely enjoyed were the church service (the actual marring DH was amazing) and sitting having a cup of tea in peace and quiet on the battlements watching the sun go down with my best friend (maid of honour) and watching the party going on in the gardens below until we were caught and herded back down by bitch bridesmaid.

DH wanted the huge fairytale wedding, I wanted to elope, it was important to him and he's been an amazing partner and husband, so it was something I wanted to do for him, and I'm glad I did, much as I didn't enjoy it myself, seeing him enjoying it so much made it worthwhile.

OurBlanche · 31/08/2015 09:32

But it is not a Woman's Big Day is it? The clue is the word Bride... you only get to be that in the wedding day.

And, as far as I remember, my family made a fuss of me and his family made a fuss of him, so the Big Day belonged to both of us.

All in all, I don't know how it can annoy anyone unless they are being forced to take part in one of those OTT Don't Tell The Bride style extravaganzas. As in, not your circus, not your monkey's...

HermioneWeasley · 31/08/2015 09:30

The princess for a day thing is just repulsive IMO. I don't understand why grown women buy into it

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