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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

is it normal to look forward to your children going to bed?

68 replies

GlitteringJasper · 30/08/2015 17:48

It's a long day with my two, either me or do is up from 5.45 and come 7pm, I really can't wait for them to be in bed.

I worry that I don't have the patience other people seem to with their children.

I have a 2 year old and an 8 month old, I love them to bits but they are exhausting.

I can't talk about how I really feel in real life as I had a silent 12 week miscarriage 4 weeks ago and people will wonder why on earth I'm trying for a third since I'm such a bad mum. I just see me as a mum of 3. I can't wait for the days when we can all get into the car without needing nappies and huge bag of tricks, nappies, water, wipes, snacks, books, toys, iPad. I just want to enjoy my children and go to the cinema, out for lunch, to the farm, anything, days out without someone throwing a tantrum.

I do most of the childcare when I'm not a work as my dh works weekends. We went TV shopping today and my ds went berserk as it was too bright in the TV shop Hmm

I cook nutritious food for ds (eldest) but it's a total lottery as to,whether he will eat it,

I'm a rambling idiot, sorry.

My ds did someone so naughty today in the middle of a shop and everyone was staring. I Wonder what I'm doing wrong, why he isn't behaving like other people's children seem to.

I live with the mantra "don't parent the way you were parented" but I'm not sure where I'm going wrong.

Is it normal to be so overwhelmed at times?

I just can't wait for my two to go to bed, surely a good mum wouldn't think this?

OP posts:
TheOldestCat · 30/08/2015 18:19

Sorry for your loss.

Like everyone else has said, it's utterly normal to long for what I still call baby-bedtime, even though mine are 8 and 5. Totally normal to feel overwhelmed at times - it's relentless.

Read a great description of parenting on here: 'it's like being pecked to death by relentless chickens'. Grin

SeamstressfromTreacleMineRoad · 30/08/2015 18:42

Mine are almost 40 - and I still remember that wonderful moment each evening when I came downstairs and sat down on the sofa and just collapsed... Smile
So sorry for your loss - go easy on yourself Flowers

yorkshapudding · 30/08/2015 18:44

Completely normal. You can adore your children and still find them exhausting, frustrating, even boring at times. It doesn't make you a bad Mum it makes you human. I only have one DC and as lovely as she is, I do feel relieved when she's in bed and I can relax for a bit. With a toddler AND a baby, bloody hell, why wouldn't you look forward to a bit of time to yourself in the evenings?? Give yourself a break woman!

Jdee41 · 30/08/2015 18:51

Definitely normal!! ;-)

howabout · 30/08/2015 18:55

Completely normal and of course you are normal grieving your loss Flowers.

I have same gap as you with my oldest 2. You are at the hardest part - baby not sleeping as much and not independent enough to be a playmate for the older one. Once the wee one starts to walk it gets easier.
Spare a thought for me waiting for the teenagers to go to bed.

AlphabetStew · 30/08/2015 18:57

Absolutely 100% normal.

It'd be far less normal to put the kids to bed and lament 'Oh no, X hours of peace. I'm gonna miss them so much!'

SellMySoulForSomeSleep · 30/08/2015 18:58

Best part of my day is when DD and DH go to bed. Smile

autumnboys · 30/08/2015 18:59

Completely normal to look forward to bedtime. It's only really this summer that I've started to not mind them staying up later to see DH when he gets home and my youngest is nearly six. It gets better!

hibbleddible · 30/08/2015 19:01

Completely normal.

Those are hard ages.

Lolly86 · 30/08/2015 19:03

Totally normal I adore my 22month old DD and I have just put her to bed and it's now my quiet time it's a lovely feeling knowing that you can have a little 'me' time..before I go to work and do a 12 hour night shift Grin

lavent · 30/08/2015 19:04

Normal in this house too!
It's exhausting!!!!!!

ChanandlerBongMiss · 30/08/2015 19:05

I'm counting down from around 5pm onwards with my 2 yr old most of the time!

Sorry for your loss OP. I had a mmc in May (found out at my 12 wk scan); I will say (shamefully), that I lost interest in my DS for a couple of weeks after mine. I just couldn't be bothered doing much and I was really impatient with him at times. I didn't really notice it at the time but I looked back a few months later and I realised I was obviously grieving even though I thought I was fine.

Cut yourself some slack OP, it won't be like this forever.

CheckpointCharlie · 30/08/2015 19:07

I was just that second looking at the time on my iPad to see if it's bedtime yet and mine are 12 and 6!!!!! It does get easier but they have bickered for most of the holiday.....

Wine for you lovely lady and a promise that everyone feels the same way!

twirlypoo · 30/08/2015 19:12

I sometimes put ds to bed at 530.... He gets up at 530/6am anyway, so I try and tell myself he needs the sleep Blush

When he gave up naps I cried every day for a week. I'm a lone parent and wasn't back at work at that point - kids are bloody hardcore!

StopShoutingAtYourBrother · 30/08/2015 19:14

Totally!! Mine are older now but when they were similar ages to yours I couldn't wait until 615 when I could start their nighttime routine. It does get easier

Nonnainglese · 30/08/2015 19:20

Totally normal, I well remember that slumping on the settee and just being beyond thinking about anything.
You are not a bad mum, you're still recovering from the miscarriage and trying to hold everything together - just like me 30 years ago (and I can still recall those feelings today)

Yes, of course everything will improve, stop being so hard on yourself, you're not superwoman, you're a lovely mum doing her best.
Flowers x

MrsSippy · 30/08/2015 19:21

Mine are 21 and 22 and I go to bed to get away from them!!

grannycake · 30/08/2015 19:23

When I had 3 under fives I sometimes moved the clock forward a little bit - for their own safety!

Original poster
GlitteringJasper · 30/08/2015 19:40

Thanks for the good thoughts and words of wisdom.

Maybe I'm still down from the mmc.

I just feel like as I've two othe demanding dc, I'm not allowed time to grieve.

OP posts:
maddening · 30/08/2015 19:45

when I Was at home with ds - maternity and then subsequent year and half as got vol redundancy the payout of which I used to fund my time off with him) I considered his naps my "break time " (h wasn't a sleeper so was shattered) and looked forward to bedtime and still do - I adore him and cherish my time with him but I enjoy and cherish the small amount of me time I get - totally normal - I also love the occasional time when he sleeps in a little :)

Busyworkingmum71 · 30/08/2015 19:53

Totally normal IMO. Mine are now 17, 15, 8 and 7 and I love them all to bits. I felt terribly guilty when they were small (and given the age gap that was years and years of guilt) for wanting time off, time out, nap time, bedtime. I now realise that while I am a mum, I am also an independent human being, as well. Kids are relentlessly active and a lot of what they enjoy isn't necessarily what I would choose to be doing. So you do what they enjoy doing when they are up and about, but when they are in bed you can choose to do what you want to do (within reason!!).

As for going out without nappies, bags, wipes, drinks etc it's a joy. It is. But that period is short, I look back on it now and kind of miss that stage, despite finding it really hard at the time.

This makes me giggle, you might enjoy it?

You're not alone, you're not weird, you're a good mum, but you're not only a mum. And there is nothing wrong with that.

So sorry to hear about the mc - as pp, be kind to yourself xx

chinam · 30/08/2015 20:17

Love that clip. I think it was also Michael who said we never love our children as much as we do when they are sleeping. Never a truer word spoken. Wink

Spilose · 30/08/2015 20:18

Most days knowing that there is bedtime is what gets me though!

mabythesea · 30/08/2015 20:21

7.30pm is the best time of the day!

Gatehouse77 · 30/08/2015 20:39

Completely normal!

I feel like this sometimes about our 16year old who is up for nearly as long as us!

When it's younger children it's the relentlessness of their needs that is so draining. As they get older and more independent it's the constant talking (wittering in the case of No.3!!) that I want an escape from.

BUT, it will pass and they will bring you equal pleasure Smile