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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed of at this?

69 replies

LongDistanceLove · 30/08/2015 16:29

There was a long queue for the bus, on a Sunday there's only one an hour.

The bus turned up and I waited my turn to get on, an older man held up the queue and said 'you're a lady get on the bus' I said no you first because he had a cane and was there first. Again he said 'you're a lady you need to get on first' I said no no after you.

He then said 'if you don't get on the bus ill grab you by the throat and drag you on' I am fuming, I did get on the bus at that point and didn't say anything as i was speechless and i didn't want to hold up the queue.

AIBU to be sat here fuming? Angry

OP posts:
BackforGood · 30/08/2015 17:58

YABU to be 'fuming'

I agree with NellysKnickers - why not just say "Oh, thank you very much" on his second insistance on being polite and be done with it? Confused I don't get why you had to get to the stage of him making the remark (which I agree doesn't fit my sense of humour) but there was no need to have refused - as you were all getting on the bus anyway.
I don't see why it would have been difficult for you to just say 'thankyou' and got on.

dontrunwithscissors · 30/08/2015 18:01

If we're in the business of he said-she said.......he started it! If she was being patronising by refusing, he was being patronising with his 'chivalry'.

Why the hell is a woman obliged to meekly obey a man's request if she doesn't want to? There was no rudeness on her part.

diddl · 30/08/2015 18:02

"'you're a lady get on the bus'"

Who speaks to people like that?

You give popl the option of going befor you.

It's not a demand, it's a request that can be accepted of dclined.

Armi · 30/08/2015 18:06

It's getting on a bus. I don't see the issue. What if the chap with a cane had been an older woman?

lorelei9 · 30/08/2015 18:07

Armi - I expect the OP would have been just as annoyed?

dontrunwithscissors · 30/08/2015 18:07

Confused it seems unlikely that the old lady would have said 'you're a lady, get on the bus'.

Armi · 30/08/2015 18:12

But she might have indicated that the OP should get on.

I'm sure I should be bouncing up and down screaming hellfire in support of the OP, but really I'm just thinking she should have got on the bus and not felt the need to view the gruff offer of an elderly chap as the fearsome boot of the patriarchy grinding we women down into a pulp.

Perhaps a taxi next time?

lorelei9 · 30/08/2015 18:15

Armi - if anyone said to me "you're a lady, get on the bus" I would think that was rude, it's being "ordered" to get on the bus FFS!

and what he came out with after she didn't get on the bus was inexcusable.

no reason the OP should fork out for a taxi.

dontrunwithscissors · 30/08/2015 18:15

Assuming that the OP is quoting the man directly, he did not offer, he told her what to do. There's a difference. I would object to any fucker telling me what to do. does that make me a rebel?-

YouTheCat · 30/08/2015 18:19

Do you lot not accept doors being held open either in case some old bloke is trying to oppress you? Hmm

Armi · 30/08/2015 18:20

The OP actually phrased it that he said what he said, not that he ordered her to do it. Many people can be a bit abrupt and gruff and others can be a tad over-sensitive.

Armi · 30/08/2015 18:21

Er....only the OP was there and there's no indication of 'tone', even if the words were accurately reported.

Original poster
LongDistanceLove · 30/08/2015 18:22

I accept that typing fuming was an overreaction. Was I pissed off at that point in time? Yes I was.

Up until the point where he said the throat grabbing stuff was a matter of seconds, I was what 4/5 people behind him it meant I was pushing in in front of those people too. Not sure if that is relevant to my op.

Ah well I'm home now, I have a glass of wine and dinner is cooking.

OP posts:
Armi · 30/08/2015 18:23

The taxi remark was flippant but I can tell this is too serious a matter for that. I apologise.

Original poster
LongDistanceLove · 30/08/2015 18:24

He was telling me not offering.

OP posts:
YouTheCat · 30/08/2015 18:25

Massive drip feed then. Hmm

dontrunwithscissors · 30/08/2015 18:27

The fact that there were other people in front of you makes a huge difference--it would have been rude for you to have got on first. Even more reason to say YANBU.

ConfusedInBath · 30/08/2015 18:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lorelei9 · 30/08/2015 18:31

The OP specifically said "the man held up the queue" so yes, it is clear that there were people in front of her, and he singled her out and wanted her to get on the bus first.

glad you are relaxing now OP Smile

Armi · 30/08/2015 18:32

You're right. Those bossy bastards and their door holding and their letting people go first and their giving up seats and offering to help with awkward, heavy stuff. The fuckers. I feel oppressed just thinking about them.

BackforGood · 30/08/2015 18:34

Not really lorelei - I visualised that as they were both at the front, he indicated / asked for her to go first - according to his upbringing in a chivalrous way - and she said no.

The whole 'I was 4 or 5 people back' makes it slightly different, in that the easy response was "All these folk are infront of my, I was brought up not to queue jump" End of.

ConfusedInBath · 30/08/2015 18:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

YouTheCat · 30/08/2015 18:35

Well, I'm a middle-aged woman who regularly lets people (both older and younger) on the bus before me.

I'll stop now I know I'm just oppressing people and making them bend to my selfish whims.

ConfusedInBath · 30/08/2015 18:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Armi · 30/08/2015 18:39

You should be ashamed of yourself YouTheCat.

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