Whip-round at a funeral

[MARTIN1]

I attended a funeral for a family friend on Friday. After the ceremony outside the crematorium. The off-spring of the deceased organised a whip-round from all the guests. I put in a fiver.

The money didn't go to the venue or to the deceased's partner but in to the beer fund for the collector for when he got to the wake. I've not been to a funeral in many years. is this what happens now?

Have a for him, that's appalling.

I would be very happy to buy the son of the deceased a drink - I guess it amounts to the same thing

I've not been to a funeral since I was a young child, so I am completely ignorant on the subject. It would never have occurred to me to bring money to a funeral, but I can see that a collection for a cause close to the departed is a nice idea.

I'm not really sure I understand the op.

What do you mean by a collection for beer? Was this beer that was later provided to the guests?

Most funerals I have been to have had collections at the end. Every single one to benefit a charity that's close to the grieving family.

I have never been to one where a family member takes the cash. There are charity envelopes/collection box or a plate passed around.

Only ever seen this for a charity, and then was organised properly by the funeral director. The charity's name was written on the wooden box thing.
This is

Perhaps he was joking and the money will be donated to charity or invested for the deceased's minor children (if he had any). I hope so. I've never heard of a beer money collection at a funeral.

Are you in Ireland, abbie?

Wakes before the funeral are, or have been, fairly traditional over there. My Dad is Irish and has been to a number of wakes which were held around the open coffin. In much of the UK though, that isn't done. The funeral service takes place first, around the already closed coffin. Then the coffin goes for burial or cremation.

The "wake", if it can be called that, takes place whilst the grave is being filled in, or the actual cremation itself is taking place. It isn't done around the coffin or the deceased.

hibbleddible the OP clearly said it was for beer for the son who collected the money only. Read both of the OP's posts.

I am sure they were joking.

grunt I did. It doesn't make send, which is why I'm asking.

How do you know it was for his beer? Either it was a joke or the beer was for everyone and the money was just put behind the bar.

I've seen lots of collections to help with the cost of the funeral and it's a godsend for people without much money, I'm happy to contribute. Also if anyone at work has died there's always a collection.

Could they have meant it was to offset the cost of the food / drink being provided for all the mourners at the wake? It would be very odd for the collection to be for just one person's beer.

All of the funeral collections I've seen have been for charities chosen by the deceaseds family.

I think the word wake is often used now for whichever pub or wherever they go after the funeral. If they were going to the pub the person who asked for the money was probably worried about not having enough for a few drinks.

UK wakes are afterwards.

Like many posters, I've been to funerals where there are collections, usually to a charity or the nursing home (or similar) which was around supporting the departed in the time leading up to their death.

When my dad died, it was very important to my mum that there was a free bar afterwards (my dad was a big drinker and loved pubs). It cost her £000s and she didn't begrudge a penny.

I've never been to a funeral where alcohol was drunk at the funeral tea.

Collections are usually in lieu of flowers and for a charity.

Amazed at some of these posts. Is this another thing to go on on the "what class are you?" checklist?

Every funeral I've ever been to has involved a wake afterwards where drinking alcohol features heavily . Usually it's nice and respectful for the first few hours, then the older/distressed/some close family leave and the remainder drink to the deceased. And the family certainly don't pay for their own drinks!

Think there is some confusion over funeral services though?

Family gathering - drink sherry/whiskey

Cars pick up family and everyone else drives behind

Service

Cremation/buriel

Everyone goes to the wake, buffet, swapping stories of deceased, some people leave, drinking

Um no. I've been to a number of funerals over the last few years and never once has there been a whip round. At the wakes, everyone just bought their own drinks.

No. There have been collections for charities, but not drinks. Mind you, a fair few of the funerals I've been to have been for Baptist teetotallers.

Wow....

I've never heard of beer fund collection.

Plenty for charities close to the deceased's heart-which I think is a nice touch.. Esp. When is in lieu of flowers.

Never known of a whip round at a funeral. Cheques to a named charity in lieu of flowers go to the funeral director, no cash changes hands at all.

Family pay for food and drink at the "do" afterwards.

Cheques to a named charity in lieu of flowers go to the funeral director, no cash changes hands at all.

We had a collection plate as people left the church, though people could also send donations to the funeral director.

Family pay for food and drink at the "do" afterwards.

If they can afford it. I have seen even modest funerals financially cripple the bereaved. I wonder if the whip round was a contribution towards the buffet.