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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

people not turning up on time

36 replies

Faye12345 · 30/08/2015 15:08

Aibu? Festival at local park today a few mates going. One mate texted to say she would be there from 1. Knew some others werent coming until later ie 3pm. However got to park for 1ish and after 10 mins phoned her - shes half an hour away having a drink! She said she thought i was meeting other friends there and she would finish drink and come to park. At 2pm shes still not there and neither are the others who to be fair were coming later so ive come home. AIBU to.not expect to wait on my own for an.hour after someone has given me a time to meet?

OP posts:

MsMarthaMay · 30/08/2015 15:10

Yanbu. I had to stop meeting up with an old friend because she would be hours late. When it started to upset dd to I had to cut ties with her.

Original poster

Faye12345 · 30/08/2015 15:12

Felt like a loser walking round the park waiting!

OP posts:

MrsItsNoworNotatAll1 · 30/08/2015 15:14

Yanbu. It's rude and no need for it.

MsMarthaMay · 30/08/2015 15:15

She's not a real friend if she's happy to just leave you hanging around for her.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 30/08/2015 15:15

Oh how bloody inconsiderate are some people. I mean with lateness you can't always avoid with accidents hold ups ect but to just not turn up on time is bang out if order.

annatha · 30/08/2015 15:16

I had a couple of friends who were always at least 20 mins late to everything, sometimes longer. I'd often be stood like a lemon waiting for them or having a drink on my own so I started turning up half an hour late and they got the message.

thenightsky · 30/08/2015 15:29

I have a couple of friends I used to meet for Saturday afternoon drinks sometimes. I don't bother arranging anything with them anymore since the last time I ended up sat in a bar on my own for nearly 2 fecking hours, being approached and bothered by drunken blokes.

HunterHearstHelmsley · 30/08/2015 15:41

I had a friend who was always a minimum of 15 minutes late. The one time I decided to come late to save hanging around on my own... she turned up on time and went nuts.

We're not friends anymore.

EatDessertFirst · 30/08/2015 15:44

Rude rude rude! I despise lateness. A quick phonecall or text wouldn't hurt if you are going to be a few minutes late.

Your friend OTOH takes the piss. She is clearly one of these late people that think their time is more valuable than yours arent they all.

I'm sure you'll get the 'I just take life a bit easier' posters coming on soon to defend her though.

YANBU

Original poster

Faye12345 · 30/08/2015 16:00

thanks guys i didnt want to be Mrs Drama but my day is a bit ruined x

OP posts:

backtowork2015 · 30/08/2015 17:21

Yanbu. I knew another mumwho always kept me waiting. On one occasion I arrived on time for a walk having woken dd from aafternoon nap early in order to be on time. She phoned me 30mins after the scheduled meeting time to say she was just leaving as her dd had been sleeping so she'd be another half hour. I shouldn't have waited but I did, although we don't see each other anymore. I hate lateness. Its rude and I am never late

cardibach · 30/08/2015 17:26

It really annoys me when people are late gif no good reason. However, I'd be quite happy to wander round a festival alone - it wouldn't ruin my day, particularly if other friends were due later.

PassthePombear · 30/08/2015 17:28

I have a particular friend who is always late and it drives me crackers. I don't care if you are a bit late occasionally but when it's every bloody time it gets a bit much! It's so rude and I just think, how unorganised do you have to be to never arrive on time?! It's not that difficult surely. Especially when you manage to turn up to work on time..

emotionsecho · 30/08/2015 17:31

No YANBU but judging by responses at the 'getting to work on time thread' an awful lot of people view punctuality as an optional extra, unless it directly inconveniences them of course.

ahbollocks · 30/08/2015 17:35

I absolute hate it! My family are always super punctual and will always text if something has cropped up, way in advance of actual meeting up.
Dh family otoh grrrrr. .
His mum recently was an hour late to something that involved me doing her a pretty fucking big favour. His dad and sisters are without fail, 20 mins late. Hate it!

CalmYourselfTubbs · 30/08/2015 17:42

some people are purposefully late because they love the idea of someone waiting on them and hanging around just for them.
then they're all fake apologies when you tell them they kept you waiting like a lemon.
i had a friend like this who needs A LOT of attention and is a bit jekyll and hyde. she has definitely kept me waiting on purpose in the past.
she tried it again on me most recently but i outmanoeuvred her.
i knew she was livid that i had dodged her game.
i never plan anything with her any more.
i wouldn't trust her to run a bath much less show up on time. ever.

Theycallmemellowjello · 30/08/2015 17:51

I think yab a bit u if she said she'd be there from 1 - to me that doesn't sound like a 'I'll meet you at 1' type arrangementand I wouldn't take that as a firm promise to be there at 1. It's just crossed wires - she thought you'd be with other people.

Original poster

Faye12345 · 30/08/2015 18:10

Fair enough Mello but by 2:20 she still wasnt there thats no where near 1pm.x

OP posts:

MrsHathaway · 30/08/2015 18:21

"From 1pm" means she was expecting to be there at 1pm but didn't necessarily expect OP until later, surely?

DH is frequently late even though he flies a lot. The wide window from checking in to actually boarding helps but hah. By contrast, I'd far rather spend an extra quarter of an hour at the airport / at the railway station / in the car park than at home waiting to leave.

First he underestimates how long it takes to travel, and doesn't factor in contingency - so he'll allow ten minutes for a twelve minute drive and rant when there's unexpected road works, and I'd allow fifteen to twenty plus five minutes to get the DC into the car. It's a completely different mindset.

Katie2001 · 30/08/2015 18:26

YANBU. I hate lateness, went to collect a friend the other day en route to a party and she still wasn't dressed. To me, this suggests they think their time is so much more valuable than yours that you can sit about waiting for them while they faff.

BackforGood · 30/08/2015 18:28

Like Cardibach - YANBU to think it is very rude and selfish to be late or not bother turning up and leave someone standing, but I wouldn't have missed the festival for it, I'd have just stayed there and enjoyed the music.

Corygal · 30/08/2015 18:31

Lateness is maddening - and getting worse. People think they can call or text you when you left the house ages ago/are already waiting to say they haven't turned up (like you needed to be told) and that makes it ok.

The worst is when they say I'll only be half an hour, which means I and/or loads of other people sit there bored and hangry in a restaurant or sim, knowing my day has been thrown out of whack & I'm now stressy, then having to pretend to be pleased to see them.

The only tip I know that works for the late: make a plan to see someone after them, stick to it. Leaving with a sweet smile 20 min after they arrive does the trick no end, I find.

Yourethe1formefatty · 30/08/2015 18:34

I have a friend I've known since school who is always late. She is great company and the fact we've been friends for such a long time is what keeps me from ditching her for her lateness (I once sat in my house ALL DAY with a grumpy 12 mo baby because she insisted she'd be on the next train to see me - she turned up at 6PM after promising she'd be at mine at 12, didn't apologise).

The interesting thing is this...when we were about 20 she was round at my house. She had a medical appointment that afternoon, say 3PM. She sat on my sofa from around 11AM saying, "mustn't forget my appointment, oh I'd love to come shopping with you later but I've got an appointment".

I watched her sit on my sofa watching telly (still remember it - it was Late Lunch with Mel and Sue, long time ago!!!) while time ticked on. She knew what time it was, she was fully aware she had an appointment. She didn't haul her arse off my sofa til about ten to 3, even though the walk to the bus stop and subsequent bus journey would take about half an hour.

She was always 'stressed' about something too...this is why!!! Sitting on her arse, fully aware she had something to do but not being arsed to do anything up until the point where it became a drama.

Exasperating.

Yourethe1formefatty · 30/08/2015 18:37

Don't get me started on the woman who was an hour late to meet me at the park for a casual play with the kids because she'd decided to cook the kids a barbecue lunch FFS. Same thing as Corygal says - it's ok to be an hour late as long as you text a couple of times to let the other person know how you're getting on/what's keeping you

littlejohnnydory · 30/08/2015 18:40

It's annoying and inconsiderate. But YABU to let it ruin your day. Why couldn't you enjoy the festival without company? Why did you feel like a loser? You sound very dependent on others for your entertainment. I'd have got myself a drink and enjoyed the festival and sod 'em.

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