Will try not to drip feed, but obviously there's history. DH and I have been having some problems for a number of years. Haven't found a way to deal with them, so the same things tend to come up over and over again. We live some distance from all of our family members - this is relevant. He's 39, we've been together for almost 15 years and have young children.
2 weeks ago we visited his family - all of us. It's a long way, they are an utter nightmare so trying to pin them down to meet up took a lot of effort and we ended up chasing them across 3 or 4 counties to see them. It was pretty exhausting, but I put up with it a couple of times a year in order to actually see them (if we left it to them we'd never see any of them). We were home for a couple of days before I then left with the DC to visit my relatives (DH never comes, preferring to stay at home and work). So I've done around 2000 miles of driving the past 2 weeks, plus 5 nights on my own with the DCs, who are reasonably allergic to sleep. I made sure I came home on our wedding anniversary, having arranged for a thoughtful gift and funny card to be delivered in my absence.
Before I went I stocked the fridge - and showed him - with ready meals and things he could take for lunch. 3 days into my trip he rings to tell me he's run out of food. Turns out he didn't realise the soups were 2 portion cartons (he can read). I told him not to be so bloody greedy and to go and buy more food for himself.
Got home late on our anniversary absolutely shattered. There were some flowers in the living room and a card. We'd agreed we'd get a babysitter over the weekend and go out for a meal as a belated celebration. I was shattered and went to bed. He stayed up gaming - I have no idea what time he came to bed.
He got up with the DCs next morning and let me have a lie in which I appreciated. Mid morning I discovered that he'd pretty much done fuck all in the house while we'd been away. Dirty dishes all over the kitchen (we have a dishwasher), laundry basket full of his clothes, towels taken out of the dryer, folded and left on the landing floor?? He didn't put the rubbish out on rubbish day, didn't take the dry clothes off the airer, didn't mow the lawn. (His timesheet shows that he worked only his standard 35 hours and he works from home with no commute.) I wasn't happy at all, but didn't really want a row as was still feeling tired.
At lunchtime he said he'd taken the day off and arranged to go for a drink with some friends in the afternoon. He was out all afternoon until around midnight. He came home steaming drunk and within 10 minutes was trying to pick a fight. Called me all the names under the sun for being messy (we both are), for not caring about our anniversary, not wanting to go out with him, not leaving enough food for him. I asked what he was doing instead of doing his washing etc while I was away and took our wedding photos off the wall. He stormed out. That was about 2am. I went to bed.
Today he's lazed around in bed till 3pm, then on the sofa watching films with the kids. At 6 I reminded him that the lawn needed cutting, so he got up and has done that.
I've had enough. I'm not his mother. He's unsupportive and lazy. I can guarantee he's spent the week playing stupid computer games and thinking that I'll sort everything out when I'm back. I'm not making his dinner tonight (wonder when he'll realise) and I'll be taking his clothes out of the washing basket.
So, WIBU?