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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would IBU to not invite a toddler to a party because of peanut allergy?

33 replies

Tealtowel · 29/08/2015 16:37

Main reason im totally scared they would have a reaction.
Obviously I would but a bowl of peanuts out but most things say may contain nuts..
There would be a buffet of bread cheese fruit sausage rolls etc etc. Also biscuit decorating with chocolate drops and sprinkles.

Or is this just a silly worry I shouldnt be thinking about?

OP posts:
Original poster
Tealtowel · 29/08/2015 16:38

I would not put a bowl of peanuts out*

OP posts:
LottieDoubtie · 29/08/2015 16:38

Yes, YABU! poor toddler!

If you are worried just ask the parent what they advise re. food.

GreenWalls · 29/08/2015 16:39

Yes, Yabu.

Call the mum for advice, take care with the food.

Not ok to exclude because of this.

CheesecakeDreams · 29/08/2015 16:41

:( please don't leave them out!

The mum will be well clued up and at that age would probably stay with anyway so would check food first.

TheWoodenSpoonOfMischief · 29/08/2015 16:43

The mum may bring good for the toddler. You should invite anyway and leave it to the mum to accept or refuse.

GinandJag · 29/08/2015 16:43

I think this is a complicated dilemma. I don't think YABU for worrying about it.

I would honestly discuss it with the mum. How severe is her allergy (eg piriton will work), does she have an epipen and has it ever been used. Would you be happy to use an epipen?

I think that if it's a high risk situation, then you can invite her but also her mum to supervise. With toddlers, most mums will stay anyway.

TheWoodenSpoonOfMischief · 29/08/2015 16:44

Food not good.

Sirzy · 29/08/2015 16:46

Yes it would be unreasonable.

Talk to his parents about the best way to do things. At a toddler party parents will be staying anyway to take control of what he eats.

DrGoogleWillSeeYouNow · 29/08/2015 16:47

I would think the mum would stay as it's a toddler, and if the allergy is that bad she'll be watching what the toddler eats like a hawk, will be well prepared for any reaction, and may well bring a packed lunch anyway.

EeyoresTail · 29/08/2015 16:48

It's a toddler so surely the parent will be there too? I'm sure they can sort what the child can and can't eat

Goldmandra · 29/08/2015 16:49

Just speak to the mother.

She will let you know what needs to happen to keep her child safe and that probably involves her being there.

If she asks you to do something you're not happy to do, YWNBU to say so and withdraw the invitation if she insists.

To just not invite a child because of an allergy WBVU. Imagine if everyone did that! The poor child would never get to go to a party Sad

ollieplimsoles · 29/08/2015 16:50

Yanbu to worry about this op, but as others have said, I'm sure the mum will be clued up and prepared, I would contact her first and ask her for advice.

MissDuke · 29/08/2015 16:51

Yes invite him, but as others say it is the mother's responsibility to supervise him eating!

Original poster
Tealtowel · 29/08/2015 16:56

Tha k you everyone. Yes I feel bad even thinking about not inviting them just worried. As you say mother would stay and there will be plenty of fruit and veggies.
I just feel a bit sad if they would have to miss out of the biscuit decorating etc because of the chocolate.
Its a new allergy forbthe family.

OP posts:
JustOneMinuteAtATime · 29/08/2015 17:00

They may not have to miss out unless you are using chocolate containing nuts. The "may contain nuts" warning is on everything, it's almost a legal disclaimer. The family will look at the actual ingredients and it's quite possible that he'll be fine - my sister has a severe nut allergy and still bakes and eats a lot of chocolate!

Sillybillybonker · 29/08/2015 17:00

You are worrying about this too much. Let the mum decide.

RainbowFlutterby · 29/08/2015 17:03

What chocolate are you using? I think Chocolate Buttons don't have the nut warning and are safe - could you use melted Buttons?

BadgerFace · 29/08/2015 17:10

I have a toddler with a nut allergy. A buffet without obvious nut products is fine, just keep the packaging so the mum can read the back and decide what to give her toddler.

We are going to our first birthday party from nursery soon, where I don't know the mum. This has reminded me that I have not told the mum my DD has a nut allergy so thanks for the reminder!!

GinandJag · 29/08/2015 17:10

Ask the mum about the chocolate, and provide packages so she can check the labels.

Biscuit decorating does not need to include chocolate, so make sure there is a variety of other ingredients. Assume the mum will supervise everything.

She is in for a lifetime of checking everything. ,you only have two hours.

lavendersun · 29/08/2015 17:13

As a mum to a DD with an epipen I think that you should invite him/her.

I always stayed and provided food for DD.

If you told me you were making things I would bring the same but an allergy safe version.

GloGirl · 29/08/2015 17:16

Speak to the Mum, ask her how she feels about general products.

She might want to come to the party so you can ask her to be responsible. She will have to show her child how to manage his allergies, you can only learn that if you're practising. She might never have though to to warn him about biscuit decorating for example.

trixymalixy · 29/08/2015 17:18

Yes, YABU.

As a parent of DC with multiple allergies I am gutted that anyone would even consider not inviting a child to a party because of their allergies.

I always take a packed lunch bag full of safe food for my DC to make things easier for the party host and I'm sure the mum of the toddler will take responsibility for their DC.

Sonnet · 29/08/2015 17:21

Yes

TendonQueen · 29/08/2015 17:26

I can't imagine that the parent of a toddler with a nut allergy won't a) stay and supervise them and b) bring food for them to make sure there's something they can eat. I would think it will be fine.

GinandJag · 29/08/2015 17:26

That's unfair, trixy.