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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH would like to know if HWBU.

41 replies

LaContessaDiPlump · 29/08/2015 11:36

On a car journey to the in-laws. DS2 (3.1) suddenly threw up in the backseat (a result of chugging his hot chocolate ration, I feel) and so we hastily diverted course to the nearest services (not motorway).

Ran into the restaurant/cafe next door to the petrol station, looking for the loos. Noted a sign saying 'Only for patrons' and thought 'Ok, we'll buy something on the way back out'.

Hung around waiting for the proprietor to appear so we could buy something (he was cooking) - kids selected a pack of oreos, which we approved. Man turned up and DH asked how much, to which the man said '1.99'. DH was taken aback and said 'How much?! You're having a laugh! I'm not paying that' and sort of waved his hands in a bit of a 'shrug' motion while holding his money. The man smiled at him but didn't say anything. DH says that it was the smile that got his back up and he then told the man 'Sorry, no' and put the oreos back (telling DS1 that they were too expensive) and left. I tried saying 'Can we buy something else then?' but he chose to ignore me. I couldn't buy it myself as wasn't carrying any money, so just slunk out ahead of DH and the kids.

I think DH was v.rude and should have chosen something cheaper, like polos. He thinks he was totally justified in his actions.

Opinions please....

OP posts:
ThedementedPenguin · 29/08/2015 11:38

I agree with your DH.. He is not BU, I'd refuse to buy anything at those inflated prices

Berthatydfil · 29/08/2015 11:40

He was BU.
He was paying for being able to clean up his child and not really for the Oreos.
Perhaps he would have preferred to have driven in with his vomit soaked child /car until you got somewhere cheaper ?

OurBlanche · 29/08/2015 11:41

Ye gods!

More chocolate, did you want the other DS to throw up as well?

Everyone WBU.

SavoyCabbage · 29/08/2015 11:42

I wouldn't have bought them if I thought they were too expensive. You didn't want to eat them, especially as ds was already sick. Your dh didn't say or do anything rude.

I can't believe there are service stations where you have to buy something to use the loo! Surely people should be encouraged to stop often for safety reasons. 'Stop, revive, survive.'

Original poster
LaContessaDiPlump · 29/08/2015 11:47

I did comment on that actually Blanche, but all available options were sickly or rich. We could just possibly have saved them for later, you know.

OP posts:
FadedRed · 29/08/2015 11:48

Yeah, I think your Dh was a bit U.
The shop owner is not a public service, but provides a lavatory for the convenience of his customers. You needed to use that facility, but by not buying anything you were NOT customers. And in your situation I would have been embarrassed and felt rude, for the sake of a couple of quid.

If i were the shop owner, I would be considering putting a coin operated door lock, say £1, refundable against goods bought at the till.
Your kids were 'promised' biscuits, and then let down.
Makes your DH look at bit of a prat all round, IMO.

MidniteScribbler · 29/08/2015 11:50

Everyone knows that you pay a ridiculous amount for products purchased at servos.

AskBasil · 29/08/2015 11:54

No your DH was totally reasonable to not buy the oreos.

He had every intention of being a money spending customer, but when he saw the prices he couldn't bring himself to pay them.

I think that's perfectly OK. His original intention was good. Of course, if he was rude and obnoxious about it, then that would be unreasonable, but tbh it just sounds as if he was taken aback and blurted out a scandalised "how much?"

What was unreasonable, was him ignoring you when you said you wanted to buy something else. That's high-handed and I would be more pissed off about that, than the bloody oreos.

wickedwaterwitch · 29/08/2015 11:58

Your dh WNBU Imo

Scarydinosaurs · 29/08/2015 11:58

£1.99 for Oreos isn't criminally bad. HWBU.

Reubs15 · 29/08/2015 12:11

I wouldn't want to pay that but it would be preferable to driving in a vomit filled car. However I think a bottle of water may have been a more appropriate purchase, surely they sold water?

NullaBore · 29/08/2015 12:13

Agree with Blanche!

SanityClause · 29/08/2015 12:18

HIBU for not braving AIBU, himself, but expecting you to do it on his behalf, the wuss.

GoooRooo · 29/08/2015 12:18

I think HWBU. Yes, that's expensive for Oreos BUT you'd just availed yourself of their facilities for FREE.

If the owner had said you could use the toilet for a charge of £2 you'd think fair enough it's worth it to clean up a pukey child. This way you get to use the toilets AND get biscuits.

WeAllHaveWings · 29/08/2015 12:23

It wasn't a service station it was a petrol station with a restaurant next door that has loos for its customers, not for every person on the road who decides to stop for a quick pee/clean up. The sign on the door is the result of too many non customers, like your DH, using it. Its a business not a public facility.

Its also not Tesco, its a small shop at a prime location and its not a secret these places are more expensive. I think £1.99 was reasonable in the location/circumstances for a packet of biscuits especially when you had already used their facilities to tidy up a sick covered child.

HWBU.

Fairenuff · 29/08/2015 12:23

I'm not sure what you think he did that was unreasonable. He asked how much it was and then said 'sorry, no'. I can't see any unreasonable behaviour here by anyone Confused

Original poster
LaContessaDiPlump · 29/08/2015 12:24

It was DH's tone that got me - it was obviously angry. I felt that that was unnecessarily aggressive and was embarrassed.

We've had a post-mortem discussion in the car while kids sleep and have clarified that my issue was with the anger, not the dispute over cost. I think he got angry too fast and it was intimidating. I have issues with overt anger from my childhood though (unpredictably angry mother).

OP posts:
SurlyCue · 29/08/2015 12:31

I did comment on that actually Blanche, but all available options were sickly or rich

They didnt sell bottles of water?

DH BU. Its £2 in an emergency situation. The child needed cleaned. Did you ask the man if you could use the bathroom before trying to buy anything? He might have allowed it for a clean up. you could have pretended DS was going to be sick again right there and then Grin

sooperdooper · 29/08/2015 12:34

I think you're right HWBU to get to angry about it, he should've said, no pick something cheaper and just done that. I'd have been annoyed and embarrass by his outburst as well, one reason the reason the shops prices are inflated is to cover the cost of the customer toilet facilities you'd just used!

SurlyCue · 29/08/2015 12:34

Bit of advice for future. Whilst living with someone who is short tempered, especially wrt money, always keep some cash on you. Sounds like you'll need it.

LazyLohan · 29/08/2015 12:36

HWBU. Oreos are £1.10 from Ocado, they're going to cost more from a shop like that. He was rude. If that happened to me I would just have said 'Oh, I didn't realise they were that much, kids, would you like a chocolate bar instead'. There was no need for him to be so indignant and behave like he had asked him for a fiver.

In fact, if I was the shop owner I would highly expect he had never intended to buy anything and was causing a scene about the prices so he could leave without the non-purchase being raised. Presumably DH left him with a bin full of stinking sick covered tissues to deal with as well as the earful and not so much as a thank you. HWDBU.

Branleuse · 29/08/2015 12:39

you got to use the loo, and noone had to buy any biscuits, so i think its all over now, and you can probably just agree to disagree.

I wouldnt have spent £2 on a pack of oreos either. Id have bought a sandwich or some water, but you didnt really have much choice but to find a bathroom, and now everyone can get on with their day

Crazyqueenofthecatladies · 29/08/2015 12:44

I think £1.99 to swap a vomit reeking child for a clean one for the rest of a long journey is a bargain. But then you guys might really enjoy the smell of vomit. Your husband was tight fisted, a bit dim (expensive services what a shocker), obviously unable to think on his feet - swap for a bottle of water fgs- as well as being rude and aggressive. What a ray of sunshine, bet he just makes the world a better place every day. So yes, in neon lights, HWBVU.

teacher54321 · 29/08/2015 12:57

I would have been mortified at your DH's behaviour. Rude and embarrassing.

teacher54321 · 29/08/2015 13:01

Why would he get ANGRY about how much they were? Why would the man's smile make him angry?! That sort of aggressive behaviour is so horrible and unnecessary.