Is it just where i live that this happens? In need of everything?

[mysticlogistic]

I know its a FB one, I know I know..
But they have sites locally where people give things away like freckle, great. And occasionally people ask if theres something specific they're in need of i.e "My hoover's just bust, is anybody getting rid of one". And I know there are lots of genuinely needy situations out there that this kind of generosity really comes to fruition with like people coming out of hostels or being thrown out of home ect.
But where I live there seems to be posts up almost every day along these lines. And this is a direct quote.
"Hi all, my brother in law is in need of everything as he has just got his first flat". These seem to be on there every day. Im more just astounded that people have the cheek.

Someone on mine this morning was asking for a trampoline and enclosure 'must be 12ft, cheap, and able to deliver'

I've had really mixed experiences with our local freecycle. Everyone who I've actually met has been lovely - I made a friend over one flowerpot transaction

But some people are pains in the neck. I had a big clearout and there were loads of people who arranged to collect an item at a particular time and just never bothered turning up. Or people who'd arrange to collect and then ask me to deliver, despite me clearly saying on the original post that I wouldn't deliver. Or people who were just rude. 'I'll have it. Call this number.' 'Ring me.' Er, no.

But the people who did come to collect things were all lovely. One very nice young French lad who'd just moved to the UK to get a flat with his long-distance girlfriend, turned up to collect a heavy item on a push-bike, not realising how steep a hill he had to get it up. I offered to drop it off for him the following night, and was so grateful that he contacted me afterwards offering to do gardening or car maintenance for free! I didn't take him up on it, but lovely offer. He kept saying he couldn't understand why people were being so nice - another couple of people had dropped things off for them. I tried to explain it was because he was nice and polite and people are happy to help nice people out!

Oh yes - and the photos and detailed measurements - usually phrased as demands.

'Dimensions please. And more pictures.'

If someone engages in a proper conversation, I'm happy to give them more details - I got rid of a sofa with a lot of surface staining on it. I cleaned a patch with fabric cleaner and sent before and after pictures, so that the taker could decide if it was worth spending the time cleaning it.

I'm afraid it doesn't surprise me. When my children outgrew all their baby furniture/things: pram, cot, high chair, stair gates, travel cots, moses basket, etc., all of which were good quality and in perfect condition, I phoned social services to offer them to those who might be in need. I got a very snotty response "we only provide our clients with new equipment - we would not contemplate using second hand for H&S reasons".

Sadly our social infrastructure has bred this sort of entitlement for a few generations now. Beggars belief.

That equipment ended up going to my best friend's sister who was married to an investment banker. It was perfectly good enough for them and their children.

I have just had a quick look on my local freecycle as I've never looked before.
All I can say is
need a car seat for ill man as he is one year old and needs the next size up

This stuff really annoys me.

There is a food bank near me that I hadn't known about before, so I looked on their facebook page to see if there was anything specific they needed donated or if they needed volunteers.

There were about 10 posts in the last month along the lines of "we have had a request from a single mum for a high chair, a wrap around fire guard and stair gates." Now I have been a single mum, and I know how tough that is, and obviously there are people who are genuinely in need, and there are different circumstances and they might have left an abusive relationship etc etc etc, but those items are all pretty big things that YOU HAVE TO PLAN FOR. You don't just wake up one day with a one year old. It doesn't just happen to you. When I needed a high chair I had to budget for that, and I was a single mum and my ex didn't pay and I had no money from family.

We are finished with our highchair and stair gates, and plan to donate them, but I will be giving them to the women's refuge.

I just can't understand how some of them choose to rent flats or whatever with no forethought of how they would get anything for themselves

It doesnt take a great deal of imagination really. Try it.

Someone coming out of care, someone leaving a relationship/shared home, someone having been on the streets just been housed by the council, someone setting up home for the first time with very little money, someone who lost everything in a housefire (single mum of 3 a few weeks ago on my local one)

Why don't they go on FreeCycle? People want to get rid of things there.

so just the same as the "for free" pages on FB that OP is talking about then?

but those items are all pretty big things that YOU HAVE TO PLAN FOR. You don't just wake up one day with a one year old. It doesn't just happen to you

you dont just wake up with the money for them either. It isnt always possible to save for that stuff. For various reasons. Unless you know their precise circumstances then you cant really judge.

I do understand all that Surly but its the sheer amounts of it, added to all the other people expecting the world for free on the buy and sell groups. I know what it is like to be down to the last fiver with a week to go. I have been worse than that too. There just seems to be a widespread expectation that people will give you stuff for free willy nilly.

So you lump the woman requesting a highchair and fireguard in with those "expecting the world for free"? Why? Are her reasons not valid because there are others with an entitled attitude?

I am talking about the bigger picture, not individual cases, and I think I made that quite clear.

If you know you will need a highchair in the next while you put a few pounds to one side every week and buy one on gumtree for a tenner. Though IMO a highchair isn't as essential as a stair gate so the stair gate should be prioritised. I have managed to bring two DCs up without the use of a wrap around fire guard.

And yes, there are a million and one reasons why someone might not be able to afford a few pounds a week, but my point is that these big items are not like food when your benefit payment doesn't come on time. They are plan in advance purchases. They don't appear out of the blue like a washing machine breaking down.

I've seen a few corkers recently on my Freecycle group. One wanted a caravan and another wanted a car in good condition!

I used it recently to advertise an air walker - never been used. Loads of emails along the lines of 'av u still got this' or 'can you deliver'. No please or thank you. Eventually I offered it to a girl who proceeded to mess me around - 'how big is it, I need to see if it will fit in my flat', 'I need to arrange transport for it', 'trying to arrange a van to collect', 'van costs £30, I can't afford it' and so on. For a sodding week. I think she was hoping I'd offer to deliver it but I've been stung there before, delivering a highchair to someone 10 miles away who didn't even say thank you.

I've wised up now though and only offer items to people who will collect that day.

Its prams and buggys on my free stuff i want x pram must be mint condition be professional cleaned and cost a fiver

I am talking about the bigger picture, not individual cases, and I think I made that quite clear.

But i was quoting your comments about that individual case. I wasnt quoting your comments about general attitudes.

Good for you bringing up two children without XY and Z. So have I. It doesnt mean others cant have a genuine need for those things. Your experiences arent those of others. They arent the bar for what others should cope with. Just like other people have good imaginations and you dont.

Any time someone posts on MN needing help budgetting, lost their job or unexpectedly facing a rent hike or twin babies arrival or whatever, people always suggest freecycle for baby things/washing machines etc. and then they get fucking judged and sneered at when they actually do that instead of "saving a few pound a week" and handing money over to a shop or someone who probably doesnt need it as much as they do. My local surestart provide free safety guards/gates on loan if they have them available. Do the people who avail of that service get judged the same for not saving up and buying? What is the difference between them and those being given stuff by other people who want to give?

There were about 10 posts in the last month along the lines of "we have had a request from a single mum for a high chair, a wrap around fire guard and stair gates."

That is what I wrote in my first post about this. It was a summary of the posts and not an individual case.

So yourself. I am able to have a discussion without personally insulting you, or twisting your comments around. It is very clear what my point is, and I don't need to be told I have no imagination. You know nothing of my situation, which is ironic really.

Some people are ridiculously entitled but to add to the happy freecycle stories... it's how I met my DH :)

Apologies slice, i see you were collating several cases. My point still stands though. Unless you think the single mums have formed a high chair selling business then they'll all have reasons for needing them. And not surprising there have been so many requests this month. Summer tends to produce more babies and uniforms are all being replaced so money is going to be tighter. An increase in need in your community is a cause for concern, it doesnt automatically mean theyre all on the take.

I had a fantastic quality travel system in mint condition with full documentation and it was turned down by any number of organisations. I don't bother offering things around any more. The women's refuge was the most offhand and on that basis I also cancelled my standing order. I am fine with them not wanting to be a repository for other people's rubbish but if really good stuff is offered that any sane person would be happy using, wtf is wrong with that??

You met your husband on freecycile? was the advert free to a goodvhome can deliver

There are two sides to freecycle type sites. There are people who want rid of stuff and people who want stuff, and the sites match them up. It's not charity where people who give stuff away are giving it to people who meet certain criteria of poverty or neediness. The only criteria is this person is willing to/wants to get rid of something and another person wants that thing or is willing to take it from you.

Starting out in a first flat often means you start with nothing then you (gradually) accumulate the things you want/need. Maybe you buy things, maybe friends and family give you things and maybe you try a freecycle site to see if there are some things you can get for free from people who no longer want them. Don't ask, don't get. I see no harm in asking. No one is obliged to give things.

Even if what you want is a very specific thing in mint condition, there is no harm in asking. Maybe there is someone who has it and wants rid, maybe their isn't. However it is of course very rude to have a go at people who offer you not quite what you want.

Some people who offer things on freecycle seem to get very offended when it turns out that the person who has offered to take it trades 2nd hand stuff, or isn't sufficiently needy in their eyes. But they miss the point. It's about recycling, reducing waste, not giving people a warm feeling that their unwanted possessions have helped someone in need.

Tbf my womens aid have zilch storage so will only take things when there is a need so it comes from your house direct to whoever needs it. I have donated in the past but kept it till they needed it.

I just got snapped at and it wasn't the first time so I though fuck off then, I am sick of this.

Fair enough if they were snippy then bugger them

There was a thread on here a while ago of some girl posting on one of these groups saying she was collecting for a old lady with a terrible disability who didn't even have carpeting or a cooker. It became very clear she was collecting either for herself or to sell.

Having said that I do think there are some circumstances where it's genuine. For example people being rehoused after homelessness and extended periods in temporary houses have almost no possessions at all. They are in need of everything from cutlery to sheets to towels to light bulbs to plates to pans. You do get some help but often after buying a bed, a cooker and something to sit on there isn't much left over. I've given stuff myself to a charity which helps women being rehouses after time in refuges and often they've left with literally what they're standing up in.

Everyone has reasons. Maybe I am just cynical because of all the posts on my local buy and sell group asking for very specific things for really cheap, and you see the persons duck face profile pic and they are posting from an iphone and I think is it any wonder they can't afford to spend more than a tenner on a buggy when they are paying for an iphone and all the make up that is plastered over their face.

It really does wear thin.