Mothers income invisible? Child maintenance

[CocoEnglishChanel91]

Advice please. My boyfriend and I have no children. His son lives with his mum, who earns £20k a year, plus WFT Credits, Child Benefit - and is living with her new partner, a police detective sergeant who earns £50k. Combined household income (including benefits) pushing £80k.

My boyfriend earns £28k per annum, sees his son every week, has great relationship with him. He has to pay over £200 per month to his ex, and has the Child Maintenance people crawling over and vetting his income.

Yet the £80k going into his ex''s household is classed as not being relative. Surely it is?

He's not trying to escape responsibility for paying for his son. Far from it. He's paid consistently from the off (over 15 years ) but it seems ludicrous to me that his ex can have whatever household income she likes and that's not a factor.

It just feels very unfair to be, with everything seemingly weighted on his ex's side.

Why is the parent with care's income not relevant? Doesn't the child have two patents?

From people with experience is what I say about patents with care correct? And could it impact on me if we move in together?

Thanks

J

So you want his ex's Partners income to be taken into account correct?

In that case you must be more than happy for yours to be taken into account for the amount of CSA, correct?

No, didn't think so....

Your boyfriend is one half of the parental 'team' for his son, so he should really be paying half the costs of his upbringing. If you think that £7 per day comes anywhere near half the cost of housing, feeding, clothing and educating a 15 year old boy then you are absolutely clueless - I expect he eats more than £7 worth of food before dinnertime.

Doesn't matter what the mother's partner earns - he isn't the child's father.

He has a child, that he wants to care for both financially and emotionally (I hope). If you move in together this IS going to impact your life completely. His ex's new partner's income is nothing to do with your partner and nothing to do with how much money he is judged to have to pay for his son's upkeep.

Aside from the rest of it - a DS on 50k? Really?! Seems very high.

Oh, and YABU, obviously. Have the child come and live with you, if you want some more realistic ideas as to what raising a child costs.

Doesn't the child have two patents? Yep, which is why the ex's DP's income is irrelevant.

Have you seen the price of shoes BTW, school stuff, food, all that stuff a teenager needs. I would hope that he actually pays significantly more than that. I'm interested in 'sees him every week'. Does he look after him at his place, go out together, spend money on him then? You know, go clothes shopping and stuff like that.

Are you on glue ?

Go ahead, be a total arse about what your boyfriend is contributing to his child. But be prepared for the fact that there is a very good chance that you will be the woman wanting your ex to pay child support very soon.

You think your boyfriend should pay less for his son because his ex has a boyfriend with money?
Don't be a dick.

I think your boyfriend has an obligation to maintain his child and not the mother's new partner. However if the mother is claiming tax credits and is living with somebody who earns £80K a year then that I think would be fraudulent.

Op won't be back. To busy hanging her head in shame! Hopefully!

Just a fist bump for the OP for her truly fantastic mate finding skills. Well done you for picking someone who thinks he is hard done by doing virtually no child rearing, and not paying his fair share for his child either. Mmmm whiney freeloaders are soooo attractive.

Not a chance is the mother getting any benefits!

I call bullshit.

It doesn't matter how much she earns, or her household earns, your DP has to pay for his son. Ideally 50% of the upbringing in cash or care. If he can't afford this its determined what he can afford and he contributes that.

Wow! Some angry people.

It just seems odd to me that a parent without care who gets no help off the state (unlike the resident parent) should be asked to chip in what he does.

He's paying for his son to live at her house - which has a great double income - and then paying when the son comes round, treats, night out etc.

Despite what everyone says here I can't see how anyone can argue that the scales are scewed.

He's a hard working bloke and his boy is the apple of his eye. He's not had a holiday in ten years - while his ex and her man go away on good hols abroad twice a year.

So please don't tell me "see how he would like to be in her position." I'm sure he would love it.

I was hoping for a sensible discussion but clearly there are some bitter mums here with an axe to grind.

What help from the state is she getting?
Nothing

A 15 year old costs far more than £50 a week.
Rent/mortgage for the bigger accommodation. Higher council tax.
Higher utilities to run the Xbox/playstation.
The food.
Omg the food.
The growth spurts so more food than usual and of course the clothes and the footwear.
Pocket money
The food.
The Lynx and for girls the sanpro
The food
The after school activities

He is actually getting off lightly. So why shouldn't he 'chip in' for the upkeep of his child?
His responsibility to that child didn't end the day the relationship ended.
It's not his fault that your combined
Income is less. Her new
Partner studied hard to be in the income he is. However her partner shouldn't be expected to fully fund the child.. Although as a result of his high income enables the son to go on holiday x amount of times a year.

if you aren't happy then you move on to someone else without a child. Or find one of the feckless tossers who don't pay a thing.

Odfod

If you're not a troll you're doing a very good impression of one.

Your delightful partner contributed 50% of the dna to his son so rightfully should pay for 50% of his upbringing. Kids aren't pay per view, you don't pay for the bits you enjoy. They require a lot of input and teenage boys are bloody expensive!

Wow OP you really don't get it do you.
Nevermind.

It doesn't matter about her income, it takes two people to make a child so those two need to support that child. £200 a month is tiny. It's irrelevant whether he's had a holiday. He also should be pleased that his ex is able to provide his son with nice holidays if he can't afford it himself.

She earns:20k
He earns:28k
Partner earns: Fuck all to do with anyone, that's his money.

So your boyfriend will just have to suck it up and keep paying for his child.

Put it this way, if you won £50,000, do you think your boyfriends child or mother should automatically be entitled to a % of that?

*or childs mother

Thing is OP, your partner could be in the same position as his ex. YOU could get a job paying £52k and then YOUR joint household income would be the same and he could have holidays.

His ex having holidays and a nice life doesn't absolve your partner of his responsibility to HIS SON.

there are some bitter mums here with an axe to grind

No shit sherlock! You're on fucking mumsnet.

does it bother you that your sister/neighbour/best friend's cousin's mother/GP/lady at the checkout in Sainsbury's...earns more than you? do you go around thinking it's not fair that they earn more? do you expect everyone around you go give you money so that you have the same as them?