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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Am I being too sensitive?

40 replies

Andrewsgirl · 27/08/2015 20:34

Just would like some opinions- am in a newish relationship , after coming out of a horrible emotionally abusive marriage , it's our first holiday away and following a trip to the supermarket I've been told by him that I'm the fussiest eater he's ever met. This has upset me, and I don't know if I'm just being too sensitive after coming from a relationship where I was constantly criticised or whether this was actually a pretty unnecessary comment to be made?

OP posts:

BuggerLumpsAnnoyed · 27/08/2015 20:35

Well....how fussy are you?

ArendelleQueen · 27/08/2015 20:36

It depends on context; tone and body language. I regularly tease by best friend, as she picks off every piece of something 'green', that she's fussy but we have that sort of relationship where we tease with love.

thecatneuterer · 27/08/2015 20:37

Yes, you're being too sensitive. (Unless the tone of voice was particularly nasty).

Original poster

Andrewsgirl · 27/08/2015 20:38

I don't like salad but will eat pretty much any cooked veg. The only other things I don't like are salami and don't like anything really spicy. I eat most normal things I see everyone else around me and my family and friends eating.

OP posts:

DoJo · 27/08/2015 20:41

I suppose it depends whether the supermarket trip had been a long series of suggestions that you had rejected, in which case it could be a factual observation (although feel free to introduce him to my 3 year old for a real shock to the system!), or if it was a simple case of you saying what you did above and him genuinely criticising you for it.

Original poster

Andrewsgirl · 27/08/2015 20:43

He picked up a packet containing all sorts of hams and salamis and asked whether I'd eat all of them and I said just the hams but to get it as he could eat the salamis. That was the only thing that was picked up that I rejected. I don't think I'm a fussy eater but maybe I'm wrong.

OP posts:

iAmNicolaMurray · 27/08/2015 20:44

It really depends on context, tone of voice and so on. Was he saying it in a teasy flirty way, or in an angry way or another way? Was it related to a conversation you were having or out the blue?

Chottie · 27/08/2015 20:45

OP, I eat exactly the same as you, except I like salad. I don't like spicy foods either.

Unhappyuser · 27/08/2015 20:45

Maybe you are the fussiest eater HE has ever met. You are an adult, eat normally

iAmNicolaMurray · 27/08/2015 20:45

Sorry cross posted with you there! So that explains the context but not really the tone of voice. And also was it a one off comment, or has he made other possible digs?

Original poster

Andrewsgirl · 27/08/2015 20:49

No it wasn't in a flirty way it was in a I'm fed up way. And it was the fact rather than making a joke about my 'fussiest' it was the way he said I was the fussiest eater he'd ever met, which I just find hard to believe and felt like the comment had a real edge to it.

OP posts:

Liara · 27/08/2015 20:50

Well, that does sound fussy. And I say that as a very, very fussy eater myself. Dh regularly said early on in our relationship that I am the fussiest eater he's ever met, because it's true!

But every time we went to a restaurant the first thing he would do was scan the menu to see if he could find something he knew I would eat, so not actually a bad thing for him to be aware of.

maddy68 · 27/08/2015 21:09

I think you do seem a fussy eater. I eat everything
Perhaps you are being a tad over sensitive?

triathlon · 27/08/2015 21:22

"it was in a I'm fed up way"
"felt like the comment had a real edge to it."

I think you should take note of how this made you feel. It's not about how others could interpret the conversation, it's whether you're compatible with this particular man.

Verbena37 · 27/08/2015 21:27

Doesn't sound at all fussy to me.
If he said it in a jokey way, then he wouldn't have meant any harm by it.
Does he know about your previous emotionally abusive relationship?

Don't worry......it's not you being oversensitive, you have this history with your previous bloke. It's normal that you don't want to get into that again with your new guy.

frazzledbutcalm · 27/08/2015 21:34

I'm confused as to why liara and maddy say that's fussy?

All OP has said she doesn't eat is salad and salami/spicy. That's certainly NOT fussy to me.

JassyRadlett · 27/08/2015 21:54

All OP has said she doesn't eat is salad and salami/spicy. That's certainly NOT fussy to me.

'Salad' is an awfully broad and diverse class of food to dismiss entirely. I think I'd class that as fussy - sort of the same as people who say 'I don't like vegetables'.

maddy68 · 27/08/2015 22:09

Not eating salad = loads of vegetables
Don't like spice= rules out lots of foods

= fussy :)

PatrickPolarBear · 27/08/2015 22:11

Some people are very intolerant about anyone who doesn't eat everything single thing suggested with gusto. I'm coeliac (yes, properly diagnosed!) and I've noticed that while most people are accepting of my dietary limitations, there is a certain kind of person who takes umbrage at the notion of any food intolerances, thinks it's 'all a load of nonsense' and so on. Some people seem to fixate on food fussiness and see it as some kind of personality flaw.

So it could just be that any kind of food pickiness is something he happens to find particularly annoying as a personality trait hence his comment. Or he may just really really like salami...

Runningupthathill82 · 27/08/2015 23:45

Just through not eating salad and not eating spicy food, you would be the fussiest eater I'd ever met, OP. Sorry, but it's true.

On that basis, I don't think he was being rude, just honest - so don't be upset by it if you can help it. IMO he's not trying to have a go, he's pointing out a fact.

I would probably say something similar to a grown adult who didn't eat either salad or spicy food, if I was close to them and felt comfortable doing it in a jokey and affectionate way.

AlphabetStew · 29/08/2015 14:10

I don't like salad either. I don't equate 'dont eat salad' with 'dont eat any vegetables at all ever'.

googoodolly · 29/08/2015 14:25

I know plenty of people who don't like spicy food or salad. I didn't realise that was fussy.

BoomBoomsCousin · 29/08/2015 14:36

Whether you're fussy or not, if it was said in a fed up way and with an edge it's not a great sign.

You don't have to be upset by it though. Even if you are a fussy eater, even if you are the fussiest eater he's ever met - so what? You like what you like. You aren't suggesting he should change his eating habits. Given you've come out of an abusive relationship I think the question that's important is - are you happy standing up for your eating habits in the face of his comment, or are you now wondering if you should try and make it up to him somehow?

Scarydinosaurs · 29/08/2015 14:40

I suppose he made that comment with the knowledge of other times you've turned down food- for people who do eat everything, it can be frustrating coming across someone who doesn't share that attitude.

I would suggest you aren't well matched.

TheRealAmyLee · 29/08/2015 15:05

I hate most kinds of lettuce and celery (bland and pointless) and strong spice makes me sick. I aldo hate salami and pepperoni. Never been called fussy. I would be wary of the tone and keep an eye on the behaviour.

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