Hen Do Planning

[Fluffy24]

I have been getting in knots over my sister's hen do and worrying about pleasing everyone, and -knowing what sort of theme my sister would like - am veering towards doing the following on a 'here's what we're doing, take it or leave it' basis - please reassure me it's not totally U or else critique.

1. Day part - spa day at nice hotel, afternoon tea and champagne. Probably cost £200/head but those who want could take a room for the night.
2. Early evening part - an activity grannies etc can participate in - so could be stand alone bit of the event for some relatives or friends who can't afford the spa but don't want to do night out. Probably cost £25/head.
3. Dinner and cocktails somewhere sophisticated. Probably Audrey Hepburn theme like LBDs and sunglasses on basis everyone either had a LBD or its reasonable for them to get one as they'll likely wear it again. Probably £50/head to include a few cocktails.

It'll be a surprise for bride, but will book her a room at hotel that she'll probably share with her BF and means there's somewhere to get ready to go out for those doing spa day, probably not be more than about 5 of us including bride for that.

What am I missing?

Wombat I don't like going to things like this let alone organising them, it's not a fuck them it's because my sodding sister wants a surprise hen do with a sophisticated theme and I'm the poor bugger that's having to organise something to suit everyone despite being the least qualified to arrange any social event because I'm a bit of a socio-phobe and i don't care if it's not a real word. One of the first things I did when I was asked to do it was to ask her what the limit was that she wanted her friends to spend since she knew them best but she just shrugged and passed the buck back

With hindsight I perhaps should have made the thread 'AIBU to think you should ask someone socially inept to arrange a hen-do when you know mere attendance at one is their idea of hell' in the hope you all told me IANBU and should get her to pick someone else!

5* boutique hotel is crazy. It's fine for your sister to like it, but not for a hen weekend and expect everyone to pay that amount.

You should try and include everyone, find a cheaper option.

You can still do a spa and have afternoon tea and it be cheaper, it doesn't mean it won't be nice. Be realistic.

Not reasonable to specify LBD, or any dress code other than inexpensive accessories. I haven't had an LBD for at least 10 years as black doesn't suit me. Also think you don't need an extra activity between spa day and evening, the spa part is very expensive as it is.

Agree with pp
dress code bad idea, it may put folk in a position of spending more money or saying no because of it, I don't do dresses or skirts, no exceptions.

But another thought, am I the only person who thinks it sounds a long day for your sis? She may love it but I'm just conscious that i would find it long. I know the spa bit is relaxing but even so...

I just organised my best friends hen do and I would never have asked for that much money, way too expensive, we ended up going to blackpool (3.5 hr drive away) and everyone paying 80 quid, that included petrol, car hire, day at the pleasurebeach, bnb in a hotel and VIP passes for some clubs. next day we played in arcades and laid on the beach nursing our hangovers.

Other hens ive been to, included hiring a cottage, drinking and hen night games. Others were a dinner and drinks in the local city. All nice and not expensive and lots of people could come.

Personally I wouldn't pay that. we went abroad for my hen for four days (it was all a secret I didn't know anything about it and had asked to make it just a one night thing anyways I had an amazing time regardless) it was 120 for flights and all inclusive accommodation. We also done the same for my friends in April.

For me personally I don't mind paying if it feels like good value for money. i just did a spa day with friends at trump Turnberry and it was 97 for the spa use, a facial, massage and an amazing afternoon tea. so your 200 seems really expensive.

Just afternoon tea in a nice place can be sophisticated, anyone who fancies cocktails can have them afterwards.

I think that it's probably best if you really limit the amount of people invited to the spa. Just brides, sisters, bridesmaids and mother. as soon as you go outside that then you're getting into the territory of politics over who's invited. Also keeping the numbers low means that you will be able to individually canvass if it's affordable and work from there to see if the £200 is feasible.

Could you do the afternoon tea bit with older family members a separate day so the bridesmaids don't feel they have to do tea and dinner and a spa? Might make it more affordable. Could you look at minibus hire to make getting there/home more affordable and avoiding the need for everyone to stay over/get a cab?

I don't personally see what's wrong with LBD if your sister has specified sophisticated. But seeing as there is such resistance to that could you just change it to cocktail dress, then they can wear any colour or style or even something like a tux. Theme it 'Cocktail Hour' maybe?

MN seems to be a place where no one has hen dos, and those that do do it vair low key, like 4 people in bride to bes living room all night with half a cup of special brew each.

I on the other hand love a good hen do but this is far too much and way too expensive.

My suggestion would be

1. Stick to spa day but find somewhere that the base price is say £25pp for use of jacuzzi/sauna/pool and then people can pay for seperate treatments if they can afford it.

1. A meal out so grannies etc can attend, followed by a night out for those who want to go out afterwards. Don't impose a dress code or say it has to be sophisticated. No one likes forced fun. Let people wear what they want but say "we're going to a club that doesn't allow denim" etc.

If you want one out of your local town then people probably won't come for just the meal, so if you are going away maybe do the above and then a seperate meal out the week after for those who can't make the 'big do'. It means your sister can let loose without feeling the need to behave around certain people (eg older relatives and in laws to be), then having a more chilled meal another time

Also just to point out as a beauty therapist that actually you shouldn't really be drinking after certain treatments and can end up bladdered, feeling sick or with a ad headache.As a bridesmaid I'd be worried of that incase it happens to the bride and ruins her hen.

How about the dinner and cocktail night on the Saturday and then the people that what to,stay at the hotel and go to the spa and then have afternoon tea with the older ones.

The day after I mean go to the spa and afternoon tea.

PS it's a royal PITA organising these things and you do have my sympathy. I organised my sisters. Never again. We went abroad for 3 nights, 12 of us (that number was after about 10 dropped out the day we were booking it) and I said people could pay in instalments - flights and hotel cost £150pp in total, and we booked 9 months in advance.

I forked out hundreds to cover for people who dicked me about with instalments not being paid on time etc. I got it all back in the end but it was so stressful nonetheless. No one thanked me not even my sister and they had the nerve to complain how expensive it was. If £150pp for a 3 day holiday in a 4 star hotel in Spain is expensive I dread to think what they find cheap

Also you asked if you think you were off the mark with £50 for meal and cocktail - my answer is yes. Find somewhere with a £20-25 2 course set menu and try and cadge some free cocktails if you're feeling brave - you can only but try! And if not then cocktails surely won't be more than £6-£7 each.

Also Bannatynes have fabulous spas at very reasonable Prices, a boutique hotel sounds lovely but your sister will probably want to be with her friends above everything and few folk will be able to afford just £200 for one part of the hen do

What about just doing afternoon tea to include all ages then night out for party animals with option for those that want to/can afford it to stay at swanky hotel and have spa treatments the following day while nursing hangover? I think it's OK to say dress code is elegant and sophisticated.

Bloody hell, that is a seriously expensive hen day/night/ etc! Unless you're all rolling in cash, there'll be a lot of people who think like me.
£300 is an insane amount to expect everyone to cough up for a hen night.
Whatever happened to a nice meal out or pub crawl depending on taste?!
That's what I did for mine. Minimal fuss and everyone had a great time.
I don't get why people go so overboard now. Ridiculous.
Be inclusive and try and include everyone by not being so stupidly expensive.

Nice but expensive! Do spa day just you and sister.
I woukd just have a meal and drinks. Everyone can go to the meal and anyone who wants to go for drinks after can.
Don't do a theme, people may already be buying a new outfit for the wedding.

I think £50 is fine for dinner and cocktails, it's the spa bit that's exclusive. If you go to more of an "experience" spa with steam rooms or a hammam you don't need to rack up the cost with treatments on top. Sounds great apart from that, I'd have a lovely time ????

Oh and don't make people do fancy dress, massive cringe, just get hen a tiara or something and everyone else can just scrub up. Keep it simple

What's the early evening activity? Have you factored in the obligatory round of "Mr &Mrs"?

I would skip the spa day altogether, unless you can find a cheap option, or her friends are absolutely loaded. I don't think many people would be able or willing to spend that amount on a single day. Otherwise the plans sound OK, but personally I would be trying to keep the costs as low as possible on the basis that it is who is there that is the most important.

You'll find more people will go if you make it affordable. Do you not think your sister will want everyone she's invited at the whole day? I know I would. I'd be gutted if I found out the day was made too expensive and my friends didn't go.

You can make it affordable, you don't have to go to the expensive hotel just because your sister likes it. I'm sure it's lovely for a weekend away but not for a hen weekend with lots of plans.

I went to a spa recently and paid £80 for a three course meal, spa and night in a hotel, it was lovely. There are deals out there if you look.

Why would people travel just for a meal and cocktails? I wouldn't, I'd want to do the whole thing but at £200 I wouldn't bother at all.

I don't subscribe to the, 'a hen party should just be a cheap night out', thought that seems to be recurrent on mn. I like a hen weekend away and have been on several, including my own. You can do a spa and afternoon tea etc, but cheaper. Otherwise you'll just find no-one goes as they can't afford it. Be realistic.

Is the spa part of the hotel? If it is then I don't think you need to worry about organising this as three separate things, because a nice hotel with a spa and a restaurant should cover everything you want.