Hen Do Planning

[Fluffy24]

I have been getting in knots over my sister's hen do and worrying about pleasing everyone, and -knowing what sort of theme my sister would like - am veering towards doing the following on a 'here's what we're doing, take it or leave it' basis - please reassure me it's not totally U or else critique.

1. Day part - spa day at nice hotel, afternoon tea and champagne. Probably cost £200/head but those who want could take a room for the night.
2. Early evening part - an activity grannies etc can participate in - so could be stand alone bit of the event for some relatives or friends who can't afford the spa but don't want to do night out. Probably cost £25/head.
3. Dinner and cocktails somewhere sophisticated. Probably Audrey Hepburn theme like LBDs and sunglasses on basis everyone either had a LBD or its reasonable for them to get one as they'll likely wear it again. Probably £50/head to include a few cocktails.

It'll be a surprise for bride, but will book her a room at hotel that she'll probably share with her BF and means there's somewhere to get ready to go out for those doing spa day, probably not be more than about 5 of us including bride for that.

What am I missing?

£50 is ok in itself but will most people also need to pay for accommodation or are they quite local?

If people are having to travel and stay then they aren't going to want to take part in just the evening bit, which will make it really expensive with accommodation as well.

You can do this cheaper OP. £200 for spa and afternoon tea is so expensive! Which city are you looking at? Are you shopping around?

I don't see what not inviting work colleagues has to do with it, it's still expensive even for friends.

The more you specify the more it costs.

If people start dropping out are you going to expect the remaining hens to pick up a larger precentage of the 'brides tab'?

The more you specify, the more it costs

^^^ this. Hit the nail on the head.

Adding the cost of a themed hen do to attending a wedding can make for some scary numbers! I don't know anyone who could afford what you are planning, lovely as it sounds.

I'm sorry that's a ridiculous amount of money for a hen do.

You just cannot expect people to pay that kind of money

It's not reasonable to chose what people wear, why does it matter. Unless of course you are paying for all the outfits.

It's all in a big city about 15 miles away.

I think she and a couple of her friends would really like the spa thing, and i was worried about being accused of not inviting everyone - I can't just make it bridesmaids only as I know of at least one of her friends who isn't a bridesmaid but would want to do that, but then if I don't invite everyone will there be chuntering (between people I don't even know for heaven's sake) that so-and-so was invited and not them.

Now I know why I didn't actually have a hen do when I got married!!!

I'm saying £200 for spa because based on the prices I've seen (ver' naice hotel) by the time you have afternoon tea, champagne, day in spa including a couple of treatments it'll not be far away.

I'm a bit at apparently getting the budget so wrong, not rolling in cash but I've been to ones which were neither a cheap night out(by time all the tat was paid for, outfit I'll never wear again, travel etc) nor a 'nice' one so I thought that a £50 option was quite good.

The hotel in thinking of is quite trendy but in a grownup way (lots of the supposedly 'smart' venues in this city are heaving with TOWIE wannabies) and thought LBD was a nice safe option

**

Should also say I was planning on paying brides share myself.

If 15 miles away you need to add in staying over plus expensive taxi to the list.

Maybe enquire with the intended hens about how much they would be comfortable spending?

I've just had this exact senario with the hen do of a lovely friend of mine. Her bridesmaids have arranged something crazy expensive then got all huffy and went crying to the bride herself about over half of us not coming because we couldn't afford what they are proposing.

You don't want to cause bad feeling between the bride and her friends and I'm betting the bride would not be best pleased fucking mortified at her friends being priced out of her celebration.

I don't think YABU, that all sounds nice and people can do as little or as much as they like.

Be prepared for hens who say stuff like "I couldn't possibly travel 15 miles on my own!" and "But Ive never left my hometown, how do I get to xxx" etc because I had a lot of that when I organised my friends one. We met at a central point and got a prebooked minibus that worked out cheaply between us all.

I spent less on a weeks holiday, including spends.

I don't think £50 a head for an (optional btw) meal and cocktails is expensive either.
And an extra (also optional) activity for £25 is fine.
And the spa (still optional) cost will depend on what you have. (All treatments... optional)

It could cost as little as £25 to attend.

I think the idea of the day is lovely but the price of the spa is just ridiculous!
I go for spa days a couple of times a year to meet up with a friend who lives the other end of the country.
The trick is finding a spa with great facilities so you don't have to spend loads of money on treatments. For example if you go to a super nice spa but it only as a pool, sauna and jacuzzi you're gonna be bored for a full day without treatments! If you go to a spa with lots of different rooms/experiences it's much nicer and you can get away with one treatment which is often included (just to put it into perspective I was away last week and for £109 we had an overnight stay in a 4* hotel, lunch, dinner and breakfast and spa day with a treatment included!!)
Where about in the country are you looking op? We might be able to give reccomendations!

To me that's completely over the top. Just do 3: it sounds fun and more do-able than the rest.

Just to clarify eatdesert I am possibly still off the mark at £50 /head?

tywin that's a good idea - I did toy with organising a mini bus or something but decided against it - I still have nightmares of a hen do where the organiser sent out a surveymonkey ( #12): 'would you still want bus if so-and-so drops out as it then will cost £4.03 return?' Followed 24 hours later by #13 'It looks like bus is now £4.58 - is everyone still okay with this?'. Then someone apparently suggested that they thought they should pay less because they only needed it one way and the plan was rapidly changed to 'make your own arrangements. '

I'm in absolute shock that you would ask/expect people to pay that much money, it's ridiculous.

I felt bad enough asking my Hens to spend £30 on my Hen Night.

It's just so unfair on those who can't afford because then they either they miss out or they go and spend money that they simply don't have. If I was the bride and knew my friends were being asked to spend so much money I would be absolutely mortified.

What happened to just a simple night out, all friends together, doing something small they can all afford and just enjoying each other's company?? Why all this OTT stuff?

I honestly can't get my head around it.

You won't know if you are off the mark until you ask the actual people who are going rather than us?

I, personally, could just do £50 for the meal. But you are asking £50 PLUS travel, outfit, hotel, more drinks etc, not to mention the ridiculously priced spa day. It depends on peoples budgets.

Don't want to say where in case it outs me (not sure if bride on MN) but the hotel is 5* boutique, wonderful spa, and in same city as rest of activities about 20 mins away from where everyone lives - we could go somewhere cheaper but she likes this place. And to clarify, I don't expect most people will do the spa bit but don't want to try to preempt who will go and end up seen to exclude some friends - the main bit for most is expected to be the night and the bit in between is mainly so we can involve some relatives who wouldn't want to do either spa or a night out.

That's it we're going to Little Chef - she said she wanted a surprise...

The £50 for dinner I think is ok and very reasonable. It's the £200 spa thing as well which is a crazy price on its own but with the dinner had other stuff

I would really resent having to buy an lbd. I don't have one and I don't wear dresses. 50 quid for dinner is expensive for those who don't drink alcohol. Can't people choose their own dinner and drinks so they can choose to economise if they want.

We'll your call if you don't want to tell us to see if we Cavan help op but the overwhelming majority of people on here have told you it's too expensive.
In my opinion the hen do should try to be as inclusive for everyone as possible for the whole day. I wouldn't want to exclude most people from a lot of the day with a fuck them they can just come to the meal/oldie bit.
If I was the bride I'd rather have more people there that I wanted to see.

I imagine its not a set menu that OP has chosen for everyone lemon. I'd guess that £50 is her estimate for food costs including cocktails (which are £7-£15 here in London)

I didn't have one because I don't really like fuss but I'm desperately trying to come up with something my sister will like. I haven't asked the hens yet because I suspect it will be impossible to please everyone and I've seen some real disasters which tried to do so and nobody was really happy with cost, content etc (and where the hens who ended up being the reason an otherwise popular activity was scrapped then dropped out anyway) hence I was trying to gauge opinion here as to the reasonableness of a 3-option plan with the brides preferred theme rather than ending up organising by committee. I don't think i can ask about acceptable cost without giving the context - i might be willing to pay £200 for a luxury pampering day but not for 2 nights in a cheap hotel and paintballing, for example.

Consensus seems to be that I'm still wide of the mark. I will rethink.

If I was paying £200 for a spa day I would want to be massaged by Channing Tatum in the nude.

It's very dear for a spa day - most are between £60 - £100 round here, including champagne tea.