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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Crowdfunding for IVF

72 replies

MynameisKeith · 27/08/2015 16:46

I am aquainted with a couple who have recently started a Go Fund Me page to pay for the IVF treatment they want. The female has had two ectopic pregnancies, and they have been refused NHS funding because he has a daughter from a previous relationship. The dd doesn't live with them.

There have been several hints to DH and I that we should donate, however I have made him promise he won't, mainly because they are fecking useless with money. The male of the couple regularly sticks £50 in the fruit machine at the pub he dj's in, and drinks like a fish.

They spent 15k renovating their garden and having artificial grass laid at the start of the summer, they both have brand new cars, they have had two foreign holidays this year, and have already taken a loan out to cover the IVF costs.

The final straw for me was when they informed us that if the crowd funding pays for the IVF they are going to use the loan money to get married in Mexico next year.

AIBU to think they should pay for their own IV fucking F and stop trying to guilt trip their friends into it?

OP posts:

CatThiefKeith · 27/08/2015 20:19

Oh blimey, do they? I doubt they are Mumsnetters tbh

CatThiefKeith · 27/08/2015 20:25

I don't think it can be them Gothgirl, I've just had a look and struggled to find them even with their names!

CatThiefKeith · 27/08/2015 20:26

Fucking hell. I would make a shit sock puppet!

Eminybob · 27/08/2015 20:33

A friend of mine asked for cash towards ivf as their wedding presents (although not in a poem!)

I didn't have any issue with it, as I would have given them cash or a gift anyway. I was happy to help as I knew how much they wanted to start a family.

Not sure how I feel about it now, having read this thread (couple in question could also afford to pay themselves)

Vixxfacee · 27/08/2015 20:34

I just Google docs go fund me and ivf. Lots came up. DI'd know this was a thing. There's a mum on there appealing for her daughter who had issues and her partner had issues. Halfway down the story it mentions his son who was only a few months old when he got together with the new woman.

clam · 27/08/2015 20:40

It's OK, I knew it was you anyway. Next time, lose the Keith bit

Vixxfacee · 27/08/2015 20:43

Whocansay · 27/08/2015 20:45

Is this the same arse who wanted you to leave your 4 year old home alone so you could give him a lift home from the station?

Vixxfacee · 27/08/2015 20:46

Digging a deeper hole now pp.

Gothgirl78 · 27/08/2015 20:52

I've just re googled and can't find it again. I can't remember what I put in search !

Playnicelyforfiveminutes · 27/08/2015 21:00

That is really obvious now I hear it from your pov... I know I've said that in the past to a girl doing ivf, but like you say it was only meant as "don't give up, you still have options" but if somebody put all that cash into IVF not to mention the process itself... Then they aren't ready to think about adopting..
She probably didn't hear me because I blabber a lot anyway... I think your v understanding to let people off on the basis that they are probably trying to help, cos it's true... But if you are counting on IVF, then adopting would mean a huge disappointment first.. So I shan't say that again

Aeroflotgirl · 27/08/2015 21:03

Op Ivf cannot be that important to this couple, if they have spent their money on a garden, weekends away, holiday, wedding, in fact anything g but the ivf. Just appears at the bottom of their list, them to pressure you, would make me not want to fund them, the cheeky grabby feckers.

Original poster

MynameisKeith · 27/08/2015 21:04

Yeah that's him Whocansay the funding page has raised about the same amount as they spent on their little jaunt I reckon.

OP posts:

Playnicelyforfiveminutes · 27/08/2015 21:10

No, actually if I was desperate for a miracle cure for one of the kids, I'd probably do practically anything.... I'm so lucky I've not had to

These people aren't just a bit lazy, they are totally oblivious to the fact that they could be wrecking someone else's chance with their underhand ploy... Even though they supposedly know the heartache... But can they really? If they have such a flash lifestyle, they haven't made any sacrifices... I'd sell everything before asking for charity.. They are full on con artists..

Aeroflotgirl · 27/08/2015 21:32

I wonder if those who donated know the type of lifestyle they lead, think not!

Original poster

MynameisKeith · 27/08/2015 21:39

tellingly, none of our group of friends (about 12 couples) that know them well have donated.

OP posts:

Bulbasaur · 27/08/2015 21:53

On principal I would not contribute to more idiots breeding.

That said, if it really means that much to them, they'll use the loan to pay for a kid and not a Mexican wedding. You have to sacrifice your funds and lifestyle a bit to accommodate a kid, not squeeze them in somehow. If they can't even take the personal responsibility for even getting one in the first place, they aren't ready to have one.

goldiesoxx · 27/08/2015 21:55

aero, I totally agree. I'd be living on beans on toast and selling my jewellery (not that I've got much) if I had to pay for the IVF! We are already saving incase the first go fails.

Playnicely, if you make the mistake of telling people of your struggle to conceive as we did you get so much daft, pointless and often offensive 'advice' and the adoption comments aren't that bad compared to many. Your intentions were good and that's what matters.

OP I Certainly wasn't criticising you for the conversations you've had with them. I'm totally with you on all of this! These two are annoying me immensely. Not to mention that replacing a lovely garden with AstroTurf and decking makes me mad! :)

Aeroflotgirl · 27/08/2015 23:20

Exactly goldie, crowd funding would be my last resort for ivf, not my first. These people want you to pay, because they have better things to spend their money on, big red flags tbh.

PiperChapstick · 28/08/2015 00:08

I hate crowd funding for this kind of thing - yes IVF is in no way a lifestyle choice, but if they can afford it already they should pay for it themselves. They have some serious gall!

Discopanda · 28/08/2015 00:20

Because IVF is so expensive compared to how cheap kids are. YANBU. Fucking douchebags.

MidniteScribbler · 28/08/2015 00:20

I had to use assisted conception to have my son. Best money I've ever spent (and I've been to Mexico).

The only person I would consider paying for IVF for is my own son and his partner in the (far far!) future if they were genuinely struggling to afford it.

I detest crowd funding, and will never donate to any 'cause' through it (yes, I'm looking at you American girl on Facebook who wanted people to pay for you to take your dog to England for a dog show). If it is not being administered and audited via a registered charity, then I don't donate.

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