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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel intimidated when there are too many men in the gym jacuzzi.

43 replies

shishagrrrl · 26/08/2015 12:29

I wanted to use my health club's Jacuzzi today, but found myself avoiding it because it had about 5 men in it and no women.

I felt really self conscious and almost 'threatened' at the thought of having to walk up the steps and then lower myself into the water in front of them, then having to get out in front of them.
I'm not a shy person and don't have any body hangups, which is why I am surprised at my reaction to the situation!
I'm wondering if it's the fact that everybody is in such close proximity in this situation that causes me to find it so unsettling. I would have felt as if I was 'on show to them somehow.
Or could it be that mentally, it's making me feel as if I'm 'taking a bath' with a load of men? Confused It seems too intimate.
I think the fact that I know they look every female up and down as she enters and leaves (have seen them doing it) doesn't help either.

The whole set up makes me feel uncomfortable for some reason, and I can't put my finger on it.

I'm prepared to hear people say IABU. I am just wondering ''is it me''.

I can quite happily go in the steam room or sauna when there are loads of men in there - no problem.
Just not the jacuzzi.

OP posts:
Original poster
shishagrrrl · 26/08/2015 12:39

Anybody? Hmm

OP posts:
Macadaamia · 26/08/2015 12:39

Well you can't help how you feel but it's nobody else's fault so nothing can be done about it

SpendSpendSpend · 26/08/2015 12:42

When i was a member of a gym around 10 years ago, i had this issue.

They do watch you get in and out and its uncomfortable sitting in a jacuzzi with a load of men who have just watched you get in and then if you want to get out before them then you have to get out with them watching you again.

Its horrible

WorraLiberty · 26/08/2015 12:43

Well your feelings are your feelings so, no you're not unreasonable.

Just give the jacuzzi a miss if there are no other women in it.

To be honest, there's no way my DH would get into a jacuzzi full of women, for the same reason.

He'd just feel too awkward.

Original poster
shishagrrrl · 26/08/2015 12:46

At least with a swimming pool, you walk across to it and get in.
This particular jacuzzi is raised, so it's the whole walking up the steps to the jucuzzin and then lowering yourself in.
There's a feeling of 'being on display/pedestal' element to it.

And then it isn't that big, so you end up accidentally playing footsie with some bloke's leg.

I think you get what I mean SpendSpend.

OP posts:
TheHouseOnTheLane · 26/08/2015 12:49

Well....I'd never get in a public jacuzzi as all I can think is "Person soup" no matter what the sex of the occupants! But since that side of things doesn't bother you...yanbu to feel self conscious....men do look at women's bodies...you could always pull really extreme faces as you approach or make weird noises...then they'll be looking above your neck Grin

I'm only half joking....it might make some of them get out too.

SurlyCue · 26/08/2015 12:49

I feel the same OP. Theyre not doing anything wrong just by being there, but if they are obviously looking you up and down then that is not on. Not sure what you can do other than avoid the jacuzzi when full or just put it to the back of your head and get in anyway.

Original poster
shishagrrrl · 26/08/2015 12:50

To be honest, there's no way my DH would get into a jacuzzi full of women, for the same reason.

Fair point, Worral.

But to be honest, women don't seem to eye men up and down in the same way leery way as men do towards women.

It's more intimidating for the women in these situations.

OP posts:
Osolea · 26/08/2015 12:54

I disagree these situations are more intimidating to women than they are to men. You are not in any danger, the only issue is that you feel self conscious, but mean are just as likely as women to feel self conscious.

I also think if anything, women are more judgemental than men about other women's bodies.

I'm sure it's not just you that feels like this, but it is one of those problems that is only a problem inside your head, there isn't anything actually wrong with the situation.

WorraLiberty · 26/08/2015 12:56

But to be honest, women don't seem to eye men up and down in the same way leery way as men do towards women.

I think it depends on whether the woman know each other sometimes.

Often I've seen a group of women having 'banter' with men who get in the jacuzzi. "Ooh nice six pack" - that sort of thing.

My DH would be far too self conscious and so would my DS(23) Grin

Sossidge · 26/08/2015 12:56

I wouldn't either (but then I wouldn't get into jacuzzis or pools for hygiene reasons-pube soup!) I have also taken a longer route to avoid an alley with a group of men standing in it, taken alternative paths on dog walks when seeing a lone man, and a thousand other similar things. No, the men in question were probably not predators but statistically not improbable. I wouldn't approach a group of lecherous men, especially not while almost naked.

Original poster
shishagrrrl · 26/08/2015 12:56

I agree the men aren't doing anything wrong (except the ones that 'look up and down')
They are just being there.

OP posts:
19lottie82 · 26/08/2015 13:00

If it bothers you that much, can you not find a local gym that does ladies only days / afternoon?

Original poster
shishagrrrl · 26/08/2015 13:02

It's annoying. I can only go in the mornings (work evenings)and the spa is nearly always over-run with elderly to middle-aged men. They seem to dominate and take over the place.
They must be bored in their retirement so hang out at the gym all morning Shock

OP posts:
Original poster
shishagrrrl · 26/08/2015 13:03

I work evenings

OP posts:
Original poster
shishagrrrl · 26/08/2015 13:04

They all seem to know each other as well. They have effectively taken the place over and marked the territory as being their 'space'.

OP posts:
AuntyMag10 · 26/08/2015 13:04

Yanbu I too would feel completely uncomfortable. But that would be my problem not anyone else's.

YellowTulips · 26/08/2015 13:05

Like a PP I think public jacuzzis are rank.

A breeding ground for bacteria (due to the temperature) and haven for other people's skin/hair/fluids in a small volume of water.Confused

Osolea · 26/08/2015 13:08

It middle aged to elderly women that take over my local gym every morning. I'd prefer it if it were more male dominated, just because they have a different changing room and I wouldn't have to listen to their long, loud and dull conversations about their children's weddings and travel plans while they take forever to get dressed.

PanGalaticGargleBlaster · 26/08/2015 13:11

I think you are reading a bit too much into this.

pinkdelight · 26/08/2015 13:27

But to be honest, women don't seem to eye men up and down in the same way leery way as men do towards women.

I agree, but also think they don't have to be being leery. They're just thinking it regardless, often involuntarily, whether you're in the jacuzzi or fully clothed. In most cases much more than women. There's a great Louis CK routine about what's really going on in men's minds versus women who say they think about sex. I was reminded of it when my very nice non-leery husband went to a spa with me and said how he couldn't help thinking it'd be a great setting for a porn film/bacchanalean orgy. That shit is just in their heads, but you can't let it intimidate you and stop you enjoying yourself. You can't control what other people think and they're not actually going to do anything.

However if it's a small jacuzzi, it's no fun to be in there with several others of whatever gender. Especially when one of them's probably weed in it :)

GoblinLittleOwl · 26/08/2015 13:39

You must go to my gym; every time I swim, about 8am, there are always three middle-aged men installed in the jacuzzi, who stare at and crack jokes about the women walking past to shower; they spend at least 40 minutes there, (the length of my swim); I have never seen any of them in the pool.

I fantasise about meeting them fully clothed with their wives, or in front of their office staff, so I can say loudly, 'Oh so you are the man who spends all your time stretched out in the hot tub, watching the women shower; surprised your skin isn't wrinkled like a prune, the amount of time you spend there.' Never likely to happen though.
Mildly annoying.

Mqzo · 26/08/2015 14:29

Yanu.

If it bothers you that much join a woman's gym.

I've found the women in my sawna just as body critical as the men.

Theycallmemellowjello · 26/08/2015 16:04

YANBU to feel uncomfortable with a sauna-full of men, I think I probably would too. YANBU to object to leering men. But I think it's unreasonable to suggest that men don't spend time in the sauna for fear of intimidating women. I mean, if there's no room for anyone else to get in, then there needs to be a time limit. Otherwise, I think that the leering is a separate issue to the soaking.

specialsubject · 26/08/2015 16:07

it's a shared bath - eeewww.... (yes, I do swim in public pools but the warm yukky jacuzzi, no ta)

but it is a free country and the men are allowed there too. Your problem really. What do you suggest - banning men?

I think there are women only health clubs, although why that is allowed in a free country is beyond me.