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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel intimidated when there are too many men in the gym jacuzzi.

43 replies

shishagrrrl · 26/08/2015 12:29

I wanted to use my health club's Jacuzzi today, but found myself avoiding it because it had about 5 men in it and no women.

I felt really self conscious and almost 'threatened' at the thought of having to walk up the steps and then lower myself into the water in front of them, then having to get out in front of them.
I'm not a shy person and don't have any body hangups, which is why I am surprised at my reaction to the situation!
I'm wondering if it's the fact that everybody is in such close proximity in this situation that causes me to find it so unsettling. I would have felt as if I was 'on show to them somehow.
Or could it be that mentally, it's making me feel as if I'm 'taking a bath' with a load of men? Confused It seems too intimate.
I think the fact that I know they look every female up and down as she enters and leaves (have seen them doing it) doesn't help either.

The whole set up makes me feel uncomfortable for some reason, and I can't put my finger on it.

I'm prepared to hear people say IABU. I am just wondering ''is it me''.

I can quite happily go in the steam room or sauna when there are loads of men in there - no problem.
Just not the jacuzzi.

OP posts:
Spartans · 26/08/2015 16:11

Yanbu. Because it's the way you feel.

Yabu to say women don't leer, personally I think women are just as bad. I see it quite a lot at our gym.

I also don't agree with the concept of women feeling threaten and men not doing. The feeling threaten comes from you, men are self conscious too and often feel threaten by groups of women. Especially sharing, what is effectivly a bath.

Queeltie · 26/08/2015 16:19

Why does everyone do this, think of the men?

OP no you are not wrong to feel like this. Yes they are totally in the wrong to eye up women like that and of course it will feel intimidating and threatening.

Andrewofgg · 26/08/2015 16:26

If they leer that's bad, although where a look to see if he knows you ends and a leer begins is hard to define or to prove.

If they indulge in sexist remarks that is another story; call them out, complain to the management, and don't be put off.

But if they are just being there - they are members too, they can use the jacuzzi at the time that suits them just like you do, and if you would prefer them not to be there that's JTB.

Itsmine · 26/08/2015 16:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

chrome100 · 26/08/2015 16:35

I really don't think they give a shit about you (in the nicest possible way) - just get in the effing jacuzzi Grin.

Original poster
shishagrrrl · 26/08/2015 17:19

You must go to my gym; every time I swim, about 8am, there are always three middle-aged men installed in the jacuzzi, who stare at and crack jokes about the women walking past to shower;

Must be the same gym Shock
Strangely enoug, when the younger men are in the jacuzzi, theydon't seem to be so pervy.

Possibly because it's finally filtering through to the younger generation of men that - guess what! women don't really enjoy being leered at 24/7. We don't see it as a compliment. And we're not grateful for the attention.
Sometimes it's nice to be able to get on with things in peace, without someone passing comment.

OP posts:
PatMullins · 26/08/2015 17:30

I don't think YABU, OP.

Annapurnacircuit · 26/08/2015 17:36

I must admit I can't think of anything worse than getting in a jacuzzi full of either gender yuk Confused.

That said a tub full of possibly critical men would be infinitely worse than a tub full of chatting women.

OnlyLovers · 26/08/2015 18:27

YABU. Just ignore them.

I get looked up and down sometimes by other women in my women-only gym classes as I walk into the room. It's not that nice, and a bit intrusive, but if people want to stare, let em.

I like my body because it's strong and healthy, and I don't care what anyone else thinks of it.

As for being looked at by men, I'm also very short-sighted and tend to go to the jacuzzi etc without contacts or glasses, so I can't even tell if anyone is looking at me. I don't know if the 'ignorance is bliss' option is available to you, but I'd recommend it if so. Grin

ImperialBlether · 26/08/2015 18:36

Don't they have single sex sessions? You should suggest it to the manager and explain that it's intimidating. In my local pool everything like that is split according to gender.

Spartans · 27/08/2015 08:03

imperial if it's a private gym they are unlikely to do that.

Personally I would not pay membership where I am not allowed to use some of the facilities I pay for, at certain times of the day, based on me bein a woman.

My gym doesn't have a pool. My old one did and was much more expensive. I can only go early mornings and I would continue paying the membership if I couldn't use the pool at that time.

PanGalaticGargleBlaster · 27/08/2015 08:27

They all seem to know each other as well. They have effectively taken the place over and marked the territory as being their 'space'.

Is that any different to what you find in most gym classes which from my experience seem to be at least 90% women. I usually stick to weights and ergo machines but occasionally pop into the odd spin or circuits class and it is not unusual for me to be one of about two guys in the whole session.

I always feel I have just interrupted some secret conversation when I stroll in. Then there is the faux pa of hopping on a bike that 'belongs' to a certain women who asks me to move as she 'always sits there' for every class and if you question this or refuse her mates wade in telling me they all like to be together then when you have found an empty bike at the back of the room you run the risk of being labelled a perv as you quite clearly only chose the bike at the back so you could letch over all the sweaty bums bobbing up and down in front of you during the class.

Swings and roundabouts.

boovmoves · 27/08/2015 08:30

This wouldn't even cross my mind tbh. I think maybe you are reading too much in to it.

hackmum · 27/08/2015 09:25

I don't like it either. A jacuzzi is a very intimate space - it does feel like getting in a bath with a load of other people.

Original poster
shishagrrrl · 27/08/2015 09:30

Okay, there have been so many comments about jacuzzis being another name for body fluid soup, that it has put me going off going in there now! Shock

I suppose the force of those jets must be knocking various bits off people's bodies -such as dead skin, sweat, short and curlies poo crumbs yuck. bleurgggh.

OP posts:
Original poster
shishagrrrl · 27/08/2015 09:31

The men are welcome to it.

OP posts:
Queeltie · 27/08/2015 09:32

Pan - Yes it is very different. The women in the gym class are not openly leering at you.

DowntownFunk · 27/08/2015 09:35

Human soup I call it. Same as very busy swimming pools full of pishing kids.

I like a jacuzzi but normally wait until they're empty to go in. I'm not self conscious, I just wouldn't relax if there were strangers there too, male or female.

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