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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to think this woman is a bit odd...

35 replies

Learningtoletgo · 26/08/2015 09:19

Following on from a post I made on another thread.

I had major problems with a colleague from work a few years back. She befriended me very quickly and tried to make me one of her best friends, all the while she was actively trying to ruin my career behind my back. She did all this whilst smiling to my face and drinking coffee with me. Anyway turns out she was doing this to other friends and colleagues. I confronted her on it and she denied everything saying 'but can't we still be friends. .?' Err no! I had seen emails she had written and caught her in the act so to speak so I knew she was lying. So I told her we were colleagues and needed to maintain a professional working relationship in the workplace, nothing more. She ran off crying?? Anyway it was horrible. I soon found another job through an internal transfer and then found out she'd tried to sabotage that by stopping me going! All very weird couldn't get out of there fast enough. With hindsight I wish I'd put in a compliant but I just wanted to move on.

Until recently we worked in the same company but it's very large with multiple sites so managed to stay away from her for a number of years. However over the years i found out through colleagues that she was still trying to make trouble for me! I've thankfully left the company now so at least I won't have to deal with her nonsense anymore.

Here's the Shock part...

She recently sent me a Facebook friend request! I mean WTF! Really??? Why on earth would she think I would want to be friends with her. I hardly ever use FB but there's no way I'd want her seeing what's going on in my life. I also suspect that she's been looking at me on linkedin. Social media I know you can't control who looks but a friends request??? I had to show my husband to prove I wasn't seeing things! He was furious I mean really angry as he knew exactly what happened and couldn't believe her nerve.

Please help me understand what the hell she is thinking because to be honest I'm baffled! Confused

OP posts:
WhyCantIuseTheNameIWant · 26/08/2015 09:22

Sorry, I am baffled too!

Make sure your privacy settings are "friends only"

Learningtoletgo · 26/08/2015 09:25

Good call. I will double check the setting.

It's like some bad Channel 5 drama isn't it!

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 26/08/2015 09:28

Just delete the friend request; job done.
Think you can also block people on facebook if necessary.
Don't waste any more time thinking about it though; not worthy of any head-space!

Learningtoletgo · 26/08/2015 09:32

Shox- I deleted after showing my husband (just so I didn't wake up in the middle of the night thinking did that really happen???)

Unfortunately it's in my head now. All I can think is 'is she crazy'? Delusional? Gaslighting herself?

OP posts:
RedYellaGreen · 26/08/2015 09:33

Block her before you delete the request, then she can never find any reference to you.

CoraPirbright · 26/08/2015 09:36

She sounds a weird stalker-type. Def just decline the request - I think contacting her to tell her to bog off would add fuel to the fire. You mention in your OP that other colleagues were also having trouble with her - are they still having trouble? If yes, I would urge them to make a complaint to HR - you could always offer to talk through your old isssues with HR at your old company if it would help them. She sounds deranged!

TeaPleaseLouise · 26/08/2015 09:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

corlette · 26/08/2015 09:38

I had almost the same issue with a woman I worked with 12 sodding years ago and received a friend request from her about 3 months ago.
Why, you mad bat? You hated me, I hated you, you made my working life a misery, I have no interest in your family and hobbies and seeing your smug twattish face every time I go on Facebook would boil my piss ( I love that phrase).... now get to feck.

Ignore request and block if necessary. Who knows what goes on people's heads.

Learningtoletgo · 26/08/2015 09:41

Red I didn't know you could do that. Too late I'm afraid. Does this mean she can search for me again?

My husband got really angry and said we should contact the police. He's seen so much of her nonsense over the years and how its affected me Sad

I said it's not illegal to send FB requests so there's nothing that could be done. Plus all the other stuff was internal work place stuff so probably an administration matter.

On a serious note I am now thinking why won't she leave me alone, it's been years. Outwardly she seems respectable and professional, although some people did try to warn me about her. One bloke called her a 'bunny boiler' which made me angry as it's such a derogatory cliché against women, so I ignored it. Wish I hadn't now.

OP posts:
WizardOfToss · 26/08/2015 09:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Crownjewel · 26/08/2015 09:52

I had almost exactly the same situation a few years ago. The cheeky bitch sent me a friend request on my last day with the company (where i'd still be working now if it wasn't for her constant shit stirring and two facedness)... So I accepted for the laugh and to give myself the moral high ground then set her to limited view- she must have thought I was a boring cow who never posted anything...

Learningtoletgo · 26/08/2015 09:59

Wizard, I was getting to that placertain. Tbh its one of the reasons I left. It was fading into the background and I was starting to chalk it up to experience then up she pops again.

I am moving in a very positive direction now. I'm in a new industry with great prospects so it's all good. Just feels like baggage that won't be left behind Sad

OP posts:
Learningtoletgo · 26/08/2015 10:00

place not placertain

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 26/08/2015 10:05

She sounds awful and unhinged and quite jealous of you. Next time she sends a request, block first and delete.

TheLightsWinning · 26/08/2015 10:06

She sounds extremely odd, and like she has no insight at all into her own behaviour... There are just some people it's definitely worth keeping a long way from. In what way is she still trying to cause trouble for you though? If its anything serious, then you might actually want to contact the police for advice? If she has so little insight or empathy with others, then protect yourself, even if it turns out she's harmless...

WRT blocking on facebook, perhaps you could search for her profile and block her that way? I'm not on LinkedIn so not sure whether there is any way you can block her on there? If you are on twitter etc though make everything private until she's stopped trying to pester you...

Pootles2010 · 26/08/2015 10:07

Its really easy, if you're looking at someone's fb page on your phone, to accidently click 'add friend' Blush

FarFromAnyRoad · 26/08/2015 10:21

You can still block her - you'll find the option in security settings I think. You have to search for her and select 'block' next to her name. I don't think she'll know that you've deleted her friend request - when she comes to wonder about that she won't be able to find you because you'll have blocked her.
She sounds like a loon!

Learningtoletgo · 26/08/2015 10:22

I think the insight thing is spot on looking back. The look on her face when I called her out on her behaviour was interesting. She just went white and looked like she had no clue what I was talking about. If I hadn't seen the emails, etc I might have believed her. It was after that she really went spiteful.

OP posts:
Desertedislander · 26/08/2015 10:50

Block her on Facebook and LinkedIn. She won't be able to search for you again.

She sounds very, very weird.

Desertedislander · 26/08/2015 10:51

What was she trying to do at work? Emails...?

WizardOfToss · 26/08/2015 11:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Learningtoletgo · 26/08/2015 11:40

Emailing untrue things about me to my bosses. That I'd said this or that or threatened that i would do xyz. Completely untrue. I read the emails open mouthed Shock

That was the tip of the iceberg.

OP posts:
Learningtoletgo · 26/08/2015 17:07

Thanks for all your responses. They are much appreciated.

This person made me very stressed for quite a long time. I'm kicking myself I didn't put a complaint in at the time but I didn't (and still don't) have much faith in the system. It seems she just won't give it up. I don't work in that place anymore. I have no links to her but thanks to social media she can still ruin my peace of mind Sad

I just don't understand why. Maybe as some of you said people like this are just out there and you just have to deal with them. Shame they don't wear badges!!!

OP posts:
UrethraFranklin1 · 26/08/2015 18:40

Go to the police? I hope that was a joke!
"Hello, police? Yes, a woman I don't like and had a bit of work trouble with friend requested me on FB!"
Police: Would you ever fuck off? And.....?

RaspberryOverload · 26/08/2015 18:47

The police might not be the best place to approach right now, but I'd keep evidence of the FB request, then if she does start harrassing you, or keep contacting you, it might come under the harrassment laws.

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