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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not spend the time when DH is doing his hobbies doing housework?

72 replies

CathCurtains · 25/08/2015 18:27

DH and I both work full time. I do the vast majority of the household tasks, childcare, etc.

DH has a lot of hobbies and is often out all weekend or all evening doing his hobbies.

I have said that from now on I intend to spend the time that he is doing his hobbies relaxing and not doing housework as I am sick of it.

He thinks I am being unreasonable and unfair and that as I am home then I should be doing it.

AIBU?

OP posts:

ijustwannadance · 25/08/2015 19:16

It's not about his hobbies, he is avoiding spending time with his family. Tell him he needs to cut it down to maybe 2-3 times and get yourself an 'out of the house' hobby or just join a gym and make him look after kids/clean up for once. He's being a complete nob.

UrethraFranklin1 · 25/08/2015 19:18

And you had children with this tool because.....?

Bakeoffcake · 25/08/2015 19:29

Tell him he may as well pull his weight now because if he doesn't, you will divorce him and he will have the DC 50% of the time anyway!

CassieBearRawr · 25/08/2015 19:41

Hahahahahahahahhah would be my response to that.

He should be doing 50% of the housework and childcare. So he needs to decide which days/hobbies have to go. And you need to get yourself a hobby that gets you out of the house or he'll forever be leaving stuff to you.

FilbertSnood · 25/08/2015 20:13

You know he is being unreasonable and its making you feel shit. Why is probably why you are asking us, because you badly need some support.

I think it comes down to this - value yourself, tell him that it is unfair and how you would like it to change. If he disagrees - then think about what that means for your realationship and how he treats you / values you.

Macadaamia · 25/08/2015 20:18

What are his 'hobbies'?

Helenluvsrob · 25/08/2015 20:23

Bet it's competitive cycling. That was the answer last time..... When it wasn't another woman / family.

Glitterspy · 25/08/2015 20:28

It's always cycling!

Does he realise he's monopolising your time by being so selfish with his own? Being absent is one issue, then leaving you with expectations of doing chores while he's absent is another. You can't have a marriage with an empty space.

A trial week where the hours are flipped might teach him a lesson help him understand things from your perspective...

TheImminentGin · 25/08/2015 20:29

It's not the cadets bloke again is it?

pigsDOfly · 25/08/2015 20:46

Yeah, I had one like this. Out almost every evening and most of the weekend. Did absolutely nothing in the house or with the children.

We got divorced 16 years ago.

Fairenuff · 25/08/2015 20:50

I suppose he just thinks of you as the maid/cook/childminder/etc. He goes to work, has his free time and pursues his hobbies with his friends. Safe in the knowledge that there is someone at home taking care of his children and making sure his washing gets done and his meals are provided.

I wouldn't want to live like that OP but if you're ok with it you crack on.

bikeandrun · 25/08/2015 20:52

Another bet on cycling- takes one to know one!

pinkyredrose · 25/08/2015 20:53

Why the fuck are you putting up with this? Why did he want kids when he never wants to spend time with them? !

BlackeyedSusan · 25/08/2015 20:53

what can I say that has not been said already?

what do you get out of this set up? seriously. he is arroagant and thick. and taking you for a ride.

Reubs15 · 25/08/2015 20:58

Go on strike! Also tell him unless he packs in some stuff he'll have to pay for a childminder because you're taking up a hobby.

Your children will remember you always being there but not him. It wouldn't hurt to remind him of that

BeautyQueenFromMars · 25/08/2015 22:21

And you had children with this tool because.....?

Super helpful. Guess the OP just needs to hop in her time machine, go back to the past and use contraception, eh?

OP, YANBU. You definitely need to put your foot down and make it clear you won't stand for his crap any longer.

LindyHemming · 25/08/2015 22:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

scarlets · 25/08/2015 22:28

No one here is going to side with him OP.

You really need to resolve this. Do you want your children to think that this is normal?

UrethraFranklin1 · 25/08/2015 22:29

Super helpful. Guess the OP just needs to hop in her time machine, go back to the past and use contraception, eh?

Don't be facetious and use some logic. There must have been something about him that she picked him as a co-parent. What was that? Is it still there? Does he do anything?

ThatsNotEvenAWord · 25/08/2015 22:31

Story of my fucking life. YANBU

goblinhat · 25/08/2015 22:31

When does he see the kids?

Icimoi · 25/08/2015 22:56

He presumably gives some sort of reason for thinking this arrangement is fair. What is it? I'm fascinated to know.

FithColumnist · 25/08/2015 23:11

Uh, fuck off. He is being totally out of order here. What kind of hobbies take up most weekends and evenings anyway?

Bogeyface · 25/08/2015 23:15

Don't be facetious and use some logic. There must have been something about him that she picked him as a co-parent. What was that? Is it still there? Does he do anything?

Often a couple work very well together, each pulling their weight at the home and enjoying a healthy social life. Then maternity leave starts and the WOH parent gets used to the minutiae of life being taken care of by the SAH parent, who is doing it because they have been conditioned to feel that they should. So when the SAH parent says "hang on, this isnt fair!" the WOH parents finds every single reason they can to avoid pulling their weight. They want the benefits of a partner and family, but none of the hard work.

Unfortunately this doesnt show itself to be an issue until the first child (and more usually, the second) has arrived. We are all perfect parents until we have children, and that is why she had kids with this tool, because he wasnt a tool until he had kids.

A moments thought about that on your part Urethra would have meant that you had no need to post.

arethereanyleftatall · 26/08/2015 00:05

He has to be joking.
Do you have any hobbies?

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