Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

or does every mother feel like this?

87 replies

JustHavinABreak · 25/08/2015 17:34

First let me say how much I adore my kids. That's why I ask this, in case I am not doing right by them. But does anyone else have days where they feel completely overwhelmed by motherhood, like they are completely crap at it??

OP posts:

Playnicelyforfiveminutes · 26/08/2015 22:01

Yes every day. But then I see other people with their kids and realise the only difference is that I have higher standards

littlejohnnydory · 26/08/2015 22:36

Absolutely, all the time. It just feels like such an overwhelming responsibility. I enjoy motherhood but it's the overwhelming fear of not being good enough - they deserve perfect and I'm not, they deserve everything right and I can never do that. And I feel terrified of being like my own parents, every time I snap or get cross...we can only do the best we can.

LoveAGoodRummage · 26/08/2015 22:50

I feel like this a lot. I wake up in the morning thinking, "This is it. Today I will be supermum."

Today my two were going stir crazy because of the rain so I took them to soft play I'm not a fan but they had excess energy. My eldest runs up to me to tell me all about a girl pushing her and the thought in my head fell out of my mouth, "Elbow her in the face and make sure it looks like an accident." Not my proudest moment.

I try my hardest to do the best I can. Protect them, give them life skills and resilience, make them happy, love and nurture them. Just never seems enough and it exhausts me a lot.

featherandblack · 26/08/2015 23:23

I have days like this all the time, op. Most of the time. Just wanted to tell you it's actually the secret New Normal!

mrsmeerkat · 26/08/2015 23:24

er yes..

I spent yesterday evening crying my eyes out in a car park on my own

MrsTedCrilly · 26/08/2015 23:47

goblinhat Of course more than one would be harder.. no need to be so smug. I was saying how even when you feel good about what you're doing, something can bring you to earth with a bump and make you feel shit. And not everyone would find looking after a 16 month old easy, it's knackering. I know my SIL is far less stressed now hers have reached 4 and 5, everyone is different.

goblinhat · 27/08/2015 06:51

I think having an acceptance of our imperfections can help a lot.
Being a perfect mother is not possible, nor even desirable,

Kids don't come with instruction manuals and we are all new to the game at some point. We don't always get it right, but accepting that we are doing a good enough job can ease the pressure.

OP I can't say that I worry about being a crap mother. I don't think I am doing a worse or better job than anyone else- what areas cause you concern?

SlipperyJack · 27/08/2015 06:59

mrsmeerkat, I hope you're ok now.

Ifiwasabadger · 27/08/2015 07:17

I love this thread.

I could have written the original post and many of the consequent ones. Thank god I'm not alone.

I love my daughter with a fiery passion I could never have imagined...but I frequently go out and pretend I am childless. I CRAVE time away from her.

I've just booked two trips away without her. I really really need to still be me and not a mother. The crippling responsibility takes my breath away sometimes.....

VirtuosoRidiculoso · 27/08/2015 07:19

Yes but every day is a new chance to do a little bit of something that would make me proud of myself as a parent. I.e. Anything involving spending quality time with kids

VirtuosoRidiculoso · 27/08/2015 07:20

Yesterday I dropped the kids to their friends for ..... 8 hours :D that was niiiice

Ragwort · 27/08/2015 07:24

Totally agree with Ifi - the best holiday I have ever had is when I left my DH and DS and just enjoyed five wonderful days in the sun, on my own, no worries, no responsibilities. And no, I didn't miss either of them at all. And I probably have it better than most as I was a SAHM for years with a school age child .

It is the sheer relentlessness & responsibility of parenting that can be overwhelming and I don't think it gets any easier as they get older - just different. And children can be so ungrateful. I look back at the way I treated my own parents and feel quite guilty & ashamed of my behaviour but hope I am making it up now.

I quite like the idea of going out and pretending to be childless .

BathshebaDarkstone · 27/08/2015 07:25

Fuck yes! When DD's overtired it's like having 2 4yos, not just 1, I'll be overjoyed when they go back to school! Have a glass of

Ragwort · 27/08/2015 07:26

Virtuo - sorry to sound rude but I loathe the expression 'spending quality time with kids'. Spending quality time to me means time on my own. .

Over the years as a parent I have spent endless 'quality times' with my child - arranged outings, holidays, nice times at home, no pressure (I was a SAHM with no financial worries) etc etc - has it been enjoyable? I'm not so sure.

goblinhat · 27/08/2015 07:37

ragwort- really? Some of the best times in my life have been those I have shared with my children.

EponasWildDaughter · 27/08/2015 07:50

In response to 'looking after one is easy'.

I had 3 DCs all 2 years or less apart in my 20s. So that was my 20s and early 30 raising 3 young DCs. Three under 5s at one point.

Last year I had a 4th DC and because the older 3 are now teens or early 20s and don't need me physically (although they do add to the housework) i only have one child to 'look after' in the way this thread is talking about. So similar to an only child.

Let me tell you:

If you've got to be up and functioning early, washing clothes/bedding, thinking about meals, learning, exercise, fun, getting out of the house, worrying about milestones, keeping the house sorted, getting up in the night and always always being A Responsible Adult Now - it's all still 24/7, weather you're doing it for 1, 2, 3 or however many young children.

The relentlessness of it and the worry that you may not be doing things right doesn't change with numbers of kids. Parenting is hard sometimes and that's no matter how many you've got.

Ragwort · 27/08/2015 07:52

That's good goblin - but we are all different and I am the first to admit that I find parenting incredibly hard work.

I've been lucky enough to travel to some fabulous places and have thoroughly enjoyed them, but taking my DS to the same places - where perhaps he has moaned and groaned and rather been with his mates can take the shine off some of those wonderful experiences. .

In some ways I would love to say that the best times have been shared with my child - I have a friend who clearly loves every minute of being with her children, even now that they are grown up, she would rather spend time with them than anyone else.

Ifiwasabadger · 27/08/2015 07:52

I'm with ragwort, time on my own is such a delicious pleasure. I love it. DH took over last weekend and I went and had dinner and wine alone. With a magazine and a book. Best three hours ever.

Maddiemademe · 27/08/2015 08:44

I think it is normal though I am being a particularly shitty mother right now! 4 year old ds is currently eating biscuits (thought I hid them but not well enough it seems) for breakfast whilst sat in pj's needing a bath. I am feeding 15 week old dd (10 weeks adjusted) who does not sleep more than 20 minutes at a time thinking I really should get them out of the house today but I guarantee we will still be sat in our pyjamas watching tv this afternoon!

All I ever see is perfect parents finding fun and educational activities for their little darlings to do whilst feeding them something healthy and nutritious and I feel like I am failing this parenting malarkey right now. I am a single parent with no outside support so we are just doing what we need to survive each day. Days like this make me question it all but then I know it will turn around soon. We all feel like we are just winging it half the time!

purplepandas · 27/08/2015 08:56

So good to know that I am in good company. It's hard admitting this stuff. and virtual for all (it's early).

squizita · 27/08/2015 09:01

Goblin the practical side of 1 is easier ... but the psychological side can end up with you worrying about every tiny thing and feeling crap/failure over little "fails". Which if you've done it before or are juggling more practical stuff you might not dwell on.
Being told it's easy makes you feel even more of a lazy failure...

TeaAndCake · 27/08/2015 09:17

Yep, also just winging it here too.

Our family motto (found on MN, not my own work but we've adopted it) is 'Everybody fed, nobody dead. Another successful day'.

Maltesermom · 27/08/2015 09:18

Oh yes i feel like this
Every
Bloody
Day
Three dc's counting down til eldest goes back to school, middle one goes back to childminder and for youngest on to start with the childminder ???? I am meant to be a SAHM, am pretty crap at it!
Thought it was my mental health x

MrsTedCrilly · 27/08/2015 09:20

Exactly, comments like that just serve to make mums of 1 child feel rubbish if they are finding it hard. Everyones experience is relative.. A mum of 6 kids could come on here and think why are people finding 2 a struggle.. We feel what we feel and we should be allowed to, not play the "Who has it tougher" game. All mums together!

JeffreySadsacIsUnwell · 27/08/2015 09:24

Well, my DC (just turned 6 and 3) are currently prancing about the house singing "no nonono, no nonono, there's no limit!" - which tells you all you need to know about the success rate of my boundary-setting!

The 6yo peered over my shoulder just now and said "but it's FUNNY when children make mummies cry" and ran off .

We've done plenty of "fun educational activities" this holiday, they mostly ended in tears. Today we are going to a shopping centre to buy a heated airer from Lakeland (this weather has got to me!) and the DC are so excited. "Will there be escalators, Mummy? And lifts? Can we go down in a lift and up on an escalator?". FFS, if I'd realised that's all it took to keep them happy...

Flip

1 2 3 4

Swipe left for the next trending thread