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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To take the children on holiday without DH

57 replies

IsabellaofFrance · 25/08/2015 15:22

Every year, DH goes to Cowes week in August. He has been for the last 6 years, next year will be the 7th. He gets it paid for as a perk, so he only pays for travel and food once he is there. He is normally gone for 3 days, 2 nights.

I told him yesterday that was considering taking the DC's away for a break M-F on the week he will be away and he got quite cross. I understand that we will be away a little longer than he is away, but we spend every year without him, so why does it matter to him where we are. He said he thinks its unfair and selfish to go on holiday without him Hmm. We are going on our family holiday the last week in August, so he isn't missing out on that.

He tends to have a quite one-sided view of things. In his job he gets quite a few perks like this and thinks nothing of it, but expects us to only do things with him. Another example is that I was planning on taking the DC's on a day trip next week, before they go back to school. Apparently this is unreasonable as I know he wont be able to go. I do understand that he probably sees me having fun with the children in the holidays and can feel a bit jealous, but should we really spend all the holidays hanging round so that he doesn't miss out on anything?

OP posts:
Jengnr · 25/08/2015 15:24

He's selfish and an idiot.

rookiemere · 25/08/2015 15:26

He's being a selfish eejit, call him out on it, why shouldn't you go away if he isn't there..

hellsbellsmelons · 25/08/2015 15:27

Wow - he's a selfish twat.
Does he have any redeeming features?
Take no notice and do what you want to do with the kids.
Fuck him - quite frankly!

temporarilyjerry · 25/08/2015 15:28

No, you and the children should just sit at home and wait for him to come back. Hmm

Buttercup27 · 25/08/2015 15:29

I would say fine, if we're not allowed away when you are, you can't go either. It's not fair for him to go and have fun while you wait at home.

Bogeyface · 25/08/2015 15:30

YANBU

It would drive me mad to live like that. So he can pop off on his jollies whenever he feels like it but you just have to sit at home twiddling your thumbs for him to come back? No fucking way!

I would tell him that if he doesnt want to miss out then he doesnt go to the IoW and comes with you. But as he goes away every single year without you, he doesnt get to call you selfish because you are sick of being left behind. If he insists that you are in fact selfish then agree that you wont go anywhere and neither does he so that all is equal and no one is being selfish.

Oh and regarding the day trip, tell him to grow the fuck up. I take it he hasnt yet realised that the whole world doesnt revolve around him?

MrsEvadneCake · 25/08/2015 15:31

Book it and ignore the moans. It's selfish of him.

BoomChickenSoup · 25/08/2015 15:33

My 9 year old has the same attitude when she is away on Brownie holidays we are not allowed to have any kind of fun, only sit at home and wait for her to come back.

Rarity08 · 25/08/2015 15:34

Selfish twat. Do what you want.

DixieNormas · 25/08/2015 15:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ExplodingCarrots · 25/08/2015 15:35

Sod him

You and your children go and enjoy your little break. What does he expect you to do while he's gone ? Sit around twiddling your thumbs?

Topseyt · 25/08/2015 15:37

Just as everyone else has already said, if he is trying to say you can't go, then tell him he can't go to the Isle of Wight if he doesn't take all of you along too. I would bet that he won't like that, but hope that he might see the hypocrisy in it.

Of course he is being an arse. Tell him so.

Tigresswoods · 25/08/2015 15:38

Ha my DH is off to the states on a golf trip this autumn. 10 days away! So DS & I are off to EuroDisney for a weekend.

DH has no cause to complain.

U.S. The difference that I work & therefore pay for this? Is that HIS problem that he sees it as HIS money?
Confused

Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 25/08/2015 15:40

Yep, i go away with the kids, DH has golf trips, and work trips and goes home to see parents/friends. Leave him and he`ll appreciate you when you get back. Planning to go abroad next year with out him. Go enjoy!

partialderivative · 25/08/2015 15:40

Could you possibly have booked when he would have been able to go?

AdoraBell · 25/08/2015 15:41

I'd sit down with him and write a couple of plans for the week, one for you and DCs and one for him.

On his write down whatever it is he's done on these trips before.

On yours/DCs write - Monday, stay at home because H is away
Tuesday, stay at home because H is away
Wednesday, etc.

I'm aware that this might seem a tad petty, but AF and a "poor me" teen are driving me fecking nuts today.

lilacclery · 25/08/2015 15:43

yanbu
I used to like you spend weekends waiting for dh to come home from work to do something nice with the children resulting in us often doing nothing as it was too late when he came home, now I get out and enjoy myself with the kids and if he's around he's around and if not tough!

Radiatorvalves · 25/08/2015 15:44

Wow. I am going on a work trip to the US shortly. I could be back home on the Friday lunchtime, but (at no cost) am going to stop on the way back to see a friend in NY. Will get home Sunday lunchtime. If DH wants to have fun that week / weekend with the DC that's fine by me!

pillowaddict · 25/08/2015 15:45

How selfish of him! I think I'd need to sit him down and labour the point about what he gets to do through work etc. (doesn't matter, it's still a treat for him) and explain that if he would prefer that you do nothing without him then he does nothing without you. Fair's fair after all.

Topseyt · 25/08/2015 15:46

Partial, the DH goes to Cowes every year without OP & the kids. They are also all going on a family holiday if I read that right.

Why shouldn't she book to go away with the kids while he is away? Why sit at home twiddling their thumbs waiting for the master to return?

googoodolly · 25/08/2015 15:47

Book and go anyway! If he gets jealous, then he can cancel his free holiday and come with you, surely?

But of course he won't want to do that.

Sadik · 25/08/2015 15:47

That's ridiculous! I thought you were plannign to go without him because eg he couldn't get time off work, which might have been a little harsh. But if he's away, WTF is he doing complaining.

DD & I have actually been away twice this summer without DH - both times to activities that he wouldn't enjoy. Neither impacted on the chance for us to have family time away (one very cheap/local, the other a work related trip where dd could come too), so no problem regardless.

Original poster
IsabellaofFrance · 25/08/2015 16:21

No, not a money issue, I would pay for the holiday from my account.

He justifies things to himself that its a work trip, or networking, or something else that is bollocks. He goes because he wants to and I am fine with that. I just want some balance.

OP posts:
MrsEvadneCake · 25/08/2015 16:25

It's really selfish of him not to want the DC to have nice experiences just because he's not there.

LazyLohan · 25/08/2015 16:35

So, hang on a sec, his work pay for him to go to this event. So presumably they're not doing this out of the goodness of their own hearts and it serves a business purpose? So he will be expected to network, make connections, look after clients and cultivate sales opportunities etc?

So he is working while he's there right? If so then YABU, I can see why he would feel a bit put out if you just view it as a jolly and you would prefer to go away without his company and he feels like he's missing out.

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