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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To take the children on holiday without DH

57 replies

IsabellaofFrance · 25/08/2015 15:22

Every year, DH goes to Cowes week in August. He has been for the last 6 years, next year will be the 7th. He gets it paid for as a perk, so he only pays for travel and food once he is there. He is normally gone for 3 days, 2 nights.

I told him yesterday that was considering taking the DC's away for a break M-F on the week he will be away and he got quite cross. I understand that we will be away a little longer than he is away, but we spend every year without him, so why does it matter to him where we are. He said he thinks its unfair and selfish to go on holiday without him Hmm. We are going on our family holiday the last week in August, so he isn't missing out on that.

He tends to have a quite one-sided view of things. In his job he gets quite a few perks like this and thinks nothing of it, but expects us to only do things with him. Another example is that I was planning on taking the DC's on a day trip next week, before they go back to school. Apparently this is unreasonable as I know he wont be able to go. I do understand that he probably sees me having fun with the children in the holidays and can feel a bit jealous, but should we really spend all the holidays hanging round so that he doesn't miss out on anything?

OP posts:
LazyLohan · 25/08/2015 16:37

So you've just said it is a work trip and you describe the work side of it as 'bollocks'. Even though it's probably very much too as that's the point of that sort of thing.

YADBU and if I was him I would be pissed off that you were so resentful of a work trip and dismissed his account of what he'd be doing out of hand.

Original poster
IsabellaofFrance · 25/08/2015 17:17

He goes to Cowes, paid for by one of the providers he works with. They do this in the hope that he will use thier products in the future.

He gets Cricket tickets (international and county), Football tickets, Days out at the races etc. Most of these are with a free bar and food.

He doesn't need to generate sales or do anything. He may have to listen to a talk for an hour, then he gets to go out sailing for three days

OP posts:
Cloppysow · 25/08/2015 17:19

lohan

Utter nonsense.

Op, he's selfish. He's having a work jolly. Go and have your own jolly with the kids.

YellowTulips · 25/08/2015 17:27

If it's just a corporate marketing shindig then he is being unreasonable. It's not an event where he has to work.

I get invited to stuff like this (days at the races, prem footy matches, Grand Prix etc) and tbh rarely go as I'd rather be at home than listening to another boring sales pitch from a supplier - aimed at middle aged men, attended by middle aged men all having a boys club jolly - yawn....Confused

Book somewhere with the kids and he can choose to be with you or at "work"

trollkonor · 25/08/2015 17:29

He's an idiot.

I don't work suring the summer holidays and often take the kids away on my own, usually it's camping with friends for a few days, or bargain price Hoseasons late deal. Why would my kid's Dad want them to be stuck inside asking to use their laptops etc when they could be breaking up the time being out active seeing and doing things. I have taken them away 4 times this summer before our family summer vacaton.

Of course he would prefer to be on a beach in Cornwall, or walking up a hill in Wales, with us but he would never suggest we shouldn't go, I would want him do the same if the situation was reversed. The only time I felt a bit guilty this year was when we got a great price on a lovely hotel with all meals included. Cheaper than the Travelodge and McDs that I was originally pricing up. I did what he expected me to do and sent him photos of us enjoying oursleves, he sent me back a very rude jealous text ;)

Shodan · 25/08/2015 17:30

It doesn't matter what he's doing while he's away, really- the fact is he's not going to be at home, so why he's making such a fuss I don't know.

Op go ahead with your trip. Ignoring toddler-like tantrums and pouty lips is the only way to deal with them.

FWIW, I toyed with the idea of taking ds2 away without DH for a few days, and DH wasn't even going away, just going to work as normal. He thought it was a great idea, knowing, as he does, that sometimes the holidays drag and something new is needed. (I didn't go, in the end, but only because the holidays seem to have sped by...)

AnneElliott · 25/08/2015 17:44

I agree with everyone else OP- go away and enjoy it.

DH sometimes gets a bit like that with me if I've arranged for a good day out with a friend and her kids. He usually works at the weekends( but can mainly chose his hours as it's his own business). If we're going down the park and it's raining he will have work to do, but a day out at a theme park and he wants to be included.

I've said it's all or nothing. He can't avoid the crap bits and take the good bits only. He did eventually see my point of view.

BoboChic · 25/08/2015 17:50

If your DH really expects you and your DC to hang around at home and not go out if he isn't around, then he is very unreasonable!

AyeAmarok · 25/08/2015 17:53

He's selfish. Absolutely do what you have planned, if he actually has a problem then he's a total dick.

YANBU.

Cockbollocks · 25/08/2015 17:56

DP is going away next week so I have booked a few days with the kids down in Cornwall. No problem at all.

YADNU, he is selfish.

RaspberryOverload · 25/08/2015 18:56

What a selfish twat this guy is.

Why should you and the DCs sit around twiddling your thumbs while he's enjoying his jolly?

Of course you should go and do something fun. After all, you do still have the family holiday together as well.

If DP were away, I would certainly consider doing something with the DCs.

Hissy · 25/08/2015 19:05

Tell him to stump up to take you and the kids to the shindig, or stfu and let you manage your alone time yourself.

He's got a nerve. I suggest you start arranging a few away days yourself and let HIM manage the childcare.

BrendaFlange · 25/08/2015 19:05

"He said he thinks its unfair and selfish to go on holiday without him"
Easily solved - he can decline the Cowes Jolly and come with you instead!

(I know, I am sure there are reasons he can't do that, like it is a work engagement).

Or just tell him he is being selfish and unfair leaving you to go to Cowes.

In the end, just say 'sorry you think it is selfish and unfair' and go anyway, and take no notice. His reaction is his own.

aprilanne · 25/08/2015 19:06

op every year since my sons were tiny i have taken them on holiday myself .hubby always working he was a bus driver on foriegn tours .he got to see plenty lovely places and never once did he say no stay at home .sorry but tell him to sod off .

YellowTulips · 25/08/2015 19:46

Brenda, if it's a supplier corporate event then in my experience there is no issue about not going. They are not going to stop selling "x" to your company because you don't go to the latest sales event.

You are the customer and they are "charming" you into buying more stuff over a "bonding" jolly.

Where I work we have to declare all such invites to ensure impartial supplier selection (am private sector).

Quite frankly I think they are not far off bribery and you see the same people year after year all being smoozed for the next sale.

BrendaFlange · 25/08/2015 19:56

Thanks Yellow - this is way outside my working experience - I never get offered so much as a cup of coffee Grin.

To be fair I did get a lager in a plastic cup, recently, at a drinks do, from a partner organisation.

So does he take holiday from work to attend these things? Or can he swan about like this and count it as work time?

AnyFucker · 25/08/2015 20:05

quite the joker, isn't he ?

DragonRojo · 25/08/2015 20:14

so, he doesn't want you to go but you don't need hid permission, do you? just go and let him moan if he wants. He is being extremely selfish and controlling

Topseyt · 25/08/2015 20:46

Lohan, what utter bollocks.

Of course the work side of it is bollocks. My DH goes on office golf days, and has been to Varsity rugby matches, cricket at Lords etc. The work side of it is virtually nil.

In short, what work side?

NorksAreMessy · 25/08/2015 21:35

Hahahahahhahahahahhahahahha
Twat.

You do what you want to do. He does what he wants to do. Sorted

Charley50 · 25/08/2015 21:41

OP is the family holiday at the end of September? You wrote the last week of August and it is the last week of August; don't want you to miss it!!
About your OP, YANBU.

OhBigHairyBollocks · 25/08/2015 21:46

Just go anyway! DH has to work throughout the summer, not allowed any time off (seasonal), he wouldn't dream of telling us we couldn't go away. And he doesn't get free holidays!!

Original poster
IsabellaofFrance · 26/08/2015 08:10

I'm talking about next year - planning early Grin

No, he is self employed although works within a company if that makes sense (its difficult to explain the set up without giving too much away) so taking time off is not an issue.

I have booked us a 5 day break in Devon for next year. Sod him, we are going to have some fun - he manages to every year!

OP posts:
Flutterbutterfly · 26/08/2015 08:18

We do loads of things without DH. We do go away in the school hols if he's at work. ( he gets the house to himself which I see as a luxury)

We go on days out too. Life can't stop because one of you is away.
He's selfish to the extreme, his behaviour must no be allowed to continue.

LittleLionMansMummy · 26/08/2015 08:28

Call his bluff. Say you understand his disappointment and are therefore prepared to give him 2 options (in much the same way as you would a toddler): he can either go on his trip while you take the dc away or he can cancel his trip and come with you.

Seriously, what a twat. I have a small break between jobs coming up while dh has to work. Dh has suggested that I take ds away for a few days.

He's behaving like a dick. Yanbu.