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AIBU?

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Original poster

Culture clashes over mealtimes...

75 replies

TheHouseOnTheLane · 24/08/2015 03:10

I'm in Oz where DH is from. It's great...but we've been very surprised by what seems to be a normal thing here regarding kids and meals.

We've been to 3 separate friend's homes for lunch or dinner....this involves usually 3 or 4 couples and their children...we all have DC ranging between 3 and 11 and there are about 7 of them between us.

We've found that the adults will prep a lunch....salad, chicken, rice dishes etc and then seat the adults while the kids are expected to carry on playing in the (huge) gardens and then later, the kids are given cheese sandwiches or pasta.

DH and I were a bit Hmm when we saw this was what was happening the first time but didn't say much as we didn't really compute...when DD2 wandered up to the table, he simply gave her a plate of "the adult food" and nobody seemed to comment but I suppose they might not have noticed....what do we do if this carries on?

Our DC are 11 and 7 and eat anything....they'll think it very odd (and unfair!) if they're expected to sit with the other kids and have cheese sandwiches when there are lovely salads and chicken for adults!

We're not yet in our own house and we#re staying with DHs Aunt so can't have anyone round to eat yet...but when we do, do we follow our friend's leads and serve the DC separately? I don't think I can bring myself not to offer all the DC the same as us!

I could do a "Bland" option for their kids along with some small plates on the lunch table couldn't I? It IS odd isn't it?

OP posts:
Madmum24 · 24/08/2015 07:01

There was a thread on here not so long ago about cultural differences and food was covered; I would agree that this sounds like quite a British thing. As children we didn't even get turkey at Christmas (cocktail sausages were the "main") because the adults always got priority.

OP I would suck it up and go with "your house, your rules". When you get your own place you can serve the same food to everyone.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 24/08/2015 07:43

I didn't read this as boasting at all.

OP, to me anyway, was asking about the way in which the youngsters were accommodated food wise.

Sansoora · 24/08/2015 07:48

MamehaSan the OP was implying that the plain kid's food was not good enough for her two = stealth boast. Her kids are so middle class that they don't eat 'chav crap' like pasta and cheese sandwiches. She may not have realised that Aussies don't care about all that sort of snooty one upmanship.

Thats some chip you have on your shoulder.

Original poster
TheHouseOnTheLane · 24/08/2015 07:50

To adress the accusations of stealth boasting....I've not mentioned anything outlandish....my DC have always eaten the same as us and we just don't buy sausages....we don't like them. We do like crisps, cheese sandwiches, pasta...but mine would always go for the "real" food...and that;s not a boast it's just how it is.

Secondly...the poster who said that I should never seat my DC at the adults table and leave an adult "stuck with a sausage"....of COURSE I would not do that...but neither do I see why the kids have to be stuck with a sausage either!

Nooka you could be right but my DD isn't the oldest...there is another one who is 12. She just sits with the smaller ones....

THe way DH approached it was just to give DD a small portion of potatoes and a little piece of fish and some salad...no where near enough to "rob" an adult of their meal....and he never seated her....he sent her off with her plate....and she was happy.

Prima where do I say I'm better than them? Confused I say clearly that they are lovely and generous

OP posts:
Original poster
TheHouseOnTheLane · 24/08/2015 07:53

Moop why have you quoted me as saying "chav crap" in inverted commas when I never said that!? Why? Painting me as bad and rude for no reason....who calls pasta "chav" anyway!?

OP posts:
Sansoora · 24/08/2015 07:56

no where near enough to "rob" an adult of their meal.

I was shocked to read that. Its always been my experience that adults are happy to give up a meal, or the last bit of something, for a child. Its just what adults say - give it to the kids, they are growing and need it more than I do.

SouthWestmom · 24/08/2015 08:05

Am I the only one thinking this sounds like bliss? Adults able to sit and chat, kids off somewhere else so they can eat quickly and run off playing?

Original poster
TheHouseOnTheLane · 24/08/2015 08:06

Sansoora someone said that I should be careful not to leave an adult stuck with sausages though...so I was responding to that.

Noef well...it's not if your kids are looking like Confused and then telling you they're starving...it's potentially embarrassing! I don't care that the kids sit somewhere else...that's all good...it's just the vastly different menu...

OP posts:
PrimalLass · 24/08/2015 08:11

Prima where do I say I'm better than them? confused I say clearly that they are lovely and generous

In the words you use: "Lead by example" "thoughtlessness" "bow down to their habits"

PennyHasNoSurname · 24/08/2015 08:11

I think all you can do OP is run things your way in your house. One big communal meal (with the kids getting down sooner to go pkay), and enough "real food" (though I dont understabd why pasta and sausages arent real food) for all.

Dont ammend your way for others. But do fit in with their way when they host.

Original poster
TheHouseOnTheLane · 24/08/2015 08:15

Prima leading by example is not a way of saying I'm better than anyone...sometimes we all lead by example. It's normal and only someone with a massive chip would try to say they had never done that or indeed followed someone else's example. You'd need a MASSIVE ego to deny that.

Penny thank you....best I do that I agree. It won't kill the DC to eat bread and cheese or pasta at lunches now and then will it. Pasta is of course real food but it's a poor selection on it's own when other people are eating crab or salmon or chicken.

OP posts:
StUmbrageinSkelt · 24/08/2015 08:16

I've never ever seen that happen in Australia. Never.

Kids might sit elsewhere but in my circles they are offered a choice of food. Cheese sandwiches at a BBQ? That's so far from the cultural norm it's kind of hilarious.

What's the cultural background of your partner's relatives?

Bakeoffcake · 24/08/2015 08:17

What the heck is wrong with your child having a cheese sandwich for lunch?

You and your child may be a bit peeved that they didn't get the salad and chicken but does it really matter in the scheme of things? It's a good opportunity to teach your children that when invited to someone else's house, you fit in and politely accept their traditions/way of doing things!

Original poster
TheHouseOnTheLane · 24/08/2015 08:19

Bake absolutely nothing....unless there's a mass of much nicer food on offer from which they are excluded. I think it's odd to feed children food that's much plainer and less nice. Why do that?

OP posts:
Original poster
TheHouseOnTheLane · 24/08/2015 08:19

Umbrage it wasn't a BBQ. It was a lunch. And these are not relatives but friends. They're all Aussie born and bred.

OP posts:
Ragwort · 24/08/2015 08:19

Agree with Noef much prefer to eat in a child free zone Grin - surely for one meal the children can just 'muck in' and eat whatever is offered to them. I am the opposite, I loathe salmon and would much prefer a sausage but I eat whatever I am offered as a guest.

Never forgot the time we were invited to a dinner party and the hosts said 'we thought it would be nice for to join us at her first dinner party now she is 13' Hmm.

LittleLionMansMummy · 24/08/2015 08:22

Another one who is Confused at the stealth boast accusation.

I'd probably just ask my ds if he'd like to try some of what we were eating and not make a big deal out of it. It's not like you have to deal with it every day, just special occasions.

Original poster
TheHouseOnTheLane · 24/08/2015 08:22

Rag I have NO issue with the separate seating...it's a good thing. I do think though that separate food after the adults have eaten is odd. As for the 13 year old dinner guest...wtf? Grin Did they think she needed a "Coming Out" in the manner of the Victorians?

OP posts:
Bakeoffcake · 24/08/2015 08:29

Why do that?.

They may have decided they'd rather spend their money on something else than salmon and crab for numerous children.

Maybe their DC would rather have a sandwich and continue playing than sit and eat a "proper" meal and they thought other DC would like the same?

Who actually cares "why they did that?" Again it's back to behaving politely when you're a guest at other people houses.

BarbarianMum · 24/08/2015 08:32

When you are at other people's houses you do it their way. If it is too unfair for you, or your children, don't go but unless every meal you eat is out, I don't see the problem.

You don't have to like it, just suck it up. Your children will survive.

goldopals · 24/08/2015 08:34

Aussie here. I have never seen that. Kids are always served first and in my circle eat the same as the adults

Sansoora · 24/08/2015 08:36

Sansoora someone said that I should be careful not to leave an adult stuck with sausages though...so I was responding to that.

Yes, I understood. Smile

Original poster
TheHouseOnTheLane · 24/08/2015 08:38

Yes, yes...the consensus seems to be...."ours is not to question" but just to accept. I know that it's rude to try to "go your own way" in someone else's home...but as Bake says, "maybe they don't want to spend money on crab and salmon for other people's kids"....which is perhaps it....though there was a lot of food...far too much for the adults present and these people aren't poor...far from it. I maintain that it's an old habit that's just not died.

OP posts:
HSMMaCM · 24/08/2015 08:39

I've seen this happen in the UK too. DD thought it very strange not to simply sit and eat all together. I think it's just the way some people do it. When at your house, you can serve food however you like.

Bakeoffcake · 24/08/2015 08:50

Sorry to correct you TheHouse but I didn't say maybe they don't want to spend money on crab and salmon for other people's kids.

I said for numerous children. So that includes their own DC, they arent doing something different specifically for other people's DC. There's a big difference and I think you're taking this whole event too personally. its just the way they do things, get over itGrin