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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu to get rid of dds toys

39 replies

ArriettyMatilda · 23/08/2015 22:54

We are trying to make more space in our two bed flat and dd has far too many toys. She can't yet tell us what she wants to keep. I am planning to at least store some of them but I don't have space for all her cuddly toys. Dm kept absolutely everything of ours until we were old enough to decide and she thinks I am being mean to dd.

Aibu to decide for dd until she is old enough to decide herself? She won't miss what she doesn't remember right?

OP posts:

BikeRunSki · 23/08/2015 22:57

Right

DisappointedOne · 23/08/2015 22:59

You might be surprised what she remembers.

BlueBananas · 23/08/2015 23:00

So your mum kept all of your baby toys until you were old enough to say throw them away? So every rattle/shape sorter/stacking cup?
If she did she is utterly bonkers and you must have had no room to move in your house!
Get rid, you're the adult aka decision maker, just do it

JustMeOverHere · 23/08/2015 23:00

Store everything you don't have room for at your DM's house.

GarminGirl · 23/08/2015 23:02

It's just 'stuff'. Sell it? I hardly kept any of my kids stuff and at 21,the eldest doesn't hold it against me at all

Autumndays14 · 23/08/2015 23:04

I don't get why you would keep stuff? Kids outgrow stuff, pass to charity/sell and then it gets replaced with new age appropriate stuff. Obviously fave toys hang around longer but most gets passed on.

Original poster

ArriettyMatilda · 23/08/2015 23:17

I think a few toys were passed onto relatives but my parents loft room is full of school work and toys. Yes BlueBananas dd has two sets of my stacking cups, several rattles, bath toys, small world play sets, two telephones, cars, a wind up music player and many more. This is on top of her own toys, many of which my mother has bought her! Any that dd has grown out of that dm gave me are going straight back to dm.

I must admit I am keeping things in case we have another, but I just can't see where we will keep it all as dd gets more and dm made me worried that I should keep it all.

OP posts:

ShadowLine · 23/08/2015 23:26

I'd have a think about which ones she never plays with and get rid of those first.

Discopanda · 23/08/2015 23:47

My elder DD (3) is a major Peppa Pig fan but had so many doubles that one preschool morning I took a load of them to the charity shop and she hasn't missed a single bit! If there are toys that she basically ignores, she won't miss them.

NewLife4Me · 23/08/2015 23:56

That's simple.
Box a selection up and take them to your dm house. Then when your dd hs finished with/ needs a change fill another box and exchange for one at dms.

Original poster

ArriettyMatilda · 24/08/2015 00:02

We have toys that have been in a box since Christmas- the idea was to rotate but I never get round to it.

I'd do that NewLife4Me but dm is two hours away, so toys that are there are barely played with. I do keep some there and at dps parents house too, as she is also two hours away. That way we only have to pack few toys/pens for the car.

I think I am just going to have to go against dm and give them to charity. Dd really won't miss them and might be able to enjoy her other toys more with less choice.

OP posts:

sykadelic · 24/08/2015 04:24

I'm personally of the opinion they are your DD's toys and therefore not yours to dispose of. However you don't mention her age and of course that matters.

As a child I collected stuffed animals. I had over a hundred. They were carefully displayed/stacked and I WOULD have noticed. Now I'm older I've had to part with some because I moved countries and I remember all of them and it nags at me, like I'm forgetting something and can't remember what.

If your DM is willing to store them, then great, problem solved. If she's not, sit your daughter down (depending on her age) and go through them.

FixItUpChappie · 24/08/2015 05:05

I am personally of the opinion that collecting things should be discouraged - better to nurture a more casual relationship with "stuff" that can otherwise take over your house (and your life).

I love toys - love buying them, love watching the kids play with them, but I try to instil a basic understanding that some things need to go so there is room for new interests.....and that there are children with no toys who would get better use of rarely used bits and bobs.

hebihebi · 24/08/2015 05:14

Is your mum a bit of a horder by any chance? It really doesn't sound healthy to keep that much stuff around. It's fine to pass on stuff you no longer need.

LowlLowl · 24/08/2015 07:00

Could you box up some and put then on top of a cupboard or something (out of sight & mind) and then review after a fortnight to see if they have been missed? If so, restore the missed items, if not, they're already boxed for the charity shop...

00100001 · 24/08/2015 07:09

Get her to choose.

E.g tell her she can have "one doll" then get her choose her favourite, lose the rest.
She can have "five toy cars" etc.

She couldn't choose out if everything. So break it down for her. Let her make easy small decisions.

And just chuck some of the detritus anywau

Gooseberrycrumble2 · 24/08/2015 07:14

I think its healthy/balanced/practical to sort toys/clothes/other items on an ongoing basis so that there's no hoarding

Gooseberrycrumble2 · 24/08/2015 07:15

How old is she?

Gooseberrycrumble2 · 24/08/2015 07:19

She's arguing that it's your DDs stuff to sort. However the house is your space and your the ones who going to tidy constantly. It's your time that will have to be used and anyway you are capable of whittling things down nicely. I'm sure you know what she plays with.

Is she a hoarder?

rumbleinthrjungle · 24/08/2015 09:43

My dm remembers that her toys consisted of about 8 items in the '40s, and she kept the lot her entire childhood in one locker cupboard, and they were still there in her parents' house when I was a kid. Times have changed There just isn't room to keep every single thing from birth onwards, particularly in a small house, and agree it's not so healthy to cling on to vast amounts of stuff.

I've always found when they have oceans of toys around (largely plastic bits) particularly with the 'mostly grown out of and not that interested' stuff, it gets spread everywhere and not much really gets played with anyway. They always play best when they have one or two things out and really get into them. If it's loved, if it's used, it stays. If it's not, then it goes to make room for the next one incoming. Same way we manage clothes, books and dvds in the house, or we'd all be drowning in Stuff.

Btw, I was a teacher's kid, so a lot of my (not loved, not used) toys ended up in the classroom wet break cupboards. I was a bit indignant when I found them there one classroom sorting out day in the holidays, but definitely not scarred.

00100001 · 24/08/2015 09:52

I hate Stuff.

Good old clear out is cleansing!!

Original poster

ArriettyMatilda · 24/08/2015 10:07

Love that everyone is accusing my mum of being a hoarder, I guess she is as she struggles to let go of things and accumulates a lot of "bargains". I want to keep the toys because I also think they are not mine to get rid of, but as pp have suggested I am trying to fight against an attachment to too much stuff.

Dd is 20 months and mostly plays with what she sees. She has loads of cuddly toys and really only shows passing interest in any of them, but I feel like I don't know which will be her favourites in the future. Some of the toys she has that I consider low play value were bought by relatives and I worry they will be upset. She never asks for any particular toy, so I feel like she is happy with what she has out and wouldn't miss anything that is packed away. It is more that I get bored and want to her to play with something different. I appreciate as she gets older this will change. Am I unreasonable to get rid of toys she has not yet outgrown?

OP posts:

00100001 · 24/08/2015 10:30

good lord- at 20 months how could she possibly makea decision like that?

I thought you were talking about a 4 year old!!

You know what her favourites are, just get rid of the rest - bloody hell.

00100001 · 24/08/2015 10:32

Of course you don't know what her favourites will be in the future- but that doesn't matter. BY the time the "future" comes around she'll have other favourites.

If it bothers you that much that they're "not yours" sell them and put the money in a bank account for her.

hiccupgirl · 24/08/2015 12:04

I don't think you can make or stop a child being a collector if they are naturally one. It seems to be an inbuilt characteristic.

My DS (5) collects cuddlies and will instantly notice if 1 is missing. He has been like this since he could crawl around and collect things himself. I've never been able to get rid of things without him noticing or asking where they have gone which is a total PITA.

If you reckon your DD won't notice or be bothered then I would cull her toys or put some away out of sight for a while before then taking them to the charity shop or rotating them.

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