Aibu to get rid of dds toys

[ArriettyMatilda]

We are trying to make more space in our two bed flat and dd has far too many toys. She can't yet tell us what she wants to keep. I am planning to at least store some of them but I don't have space for all her cuddly toys. Dm kept absolutely everything of ours until we were old enough to decide and she thinks I am being mean to dd.

Aibu to decide for dd until she is old enough to decide herself? She won't miss what she doesn't remember right?

[Karoleann]

I regularly sort out my children's things and they're much older 9,7 and 4. They would want to keep everything if asked (even the broken stuff!) so I just sort and chuck when they're not around. My house would look like Toys r us otherwise.

[Badders123]

I kept every Bob the builder toy my ds1 had. It was a lot!
Ds2 came along and hated Bob the builder :)
Last year I had a toy and book and DVD cull and I ended up taking 7 bin bags full of stuff to my local children's hospital.
Yes, 7.
It's made me much more careful about buying stuff!

[00100001]

this is it though, kids nowadays have so much stuff - so say, 50 years ago a kid might have a handful of toys, say a few soldiers, a car, a doll and some skates. hen the toys are more treasured because you only have them

My nephew is 18 motnsh old and has so many things, and the parents put out loads of toys all the time - it's like walking into a playgroup at his house!

[ArriettyMatilda]

I am glad you all agree, dm was really making me think I was being unreasonable. Thing is I am quite glad to be able to pass my toys onto dd but also I think dd has loads more toys than I did. Yes they all get a passing use, but actually as MiaowTheCat says it's a bit overwhelming and she doesn't really need that many. We will definitely have regular clear outs and I will get dd involved in these when she is old enough.

[goblinhat]

I am in my 50s- and have just chucked a load of primary school jotters in the bin that my mother had lovingly kept for decades, thinking one day they would be treasures to me.

It didn't happen.

I have kept very few things of my own kids, a few baby outfits, a couple of toys, a few creative writing jotters and some artwork.
Once that start nursery and school they will bring home lots of treasures they had made in class. I started keeping everything, but became silly. I then kept only very special things.
My oldest is nearly 18 and all his childhood momentos I have kept for him ( and me) would fit in an aircraft cabin case.

I could have filled A skip twice over with toys that my kids have loved over the years.

I got rid of them in a two stage process. Cull first and store everything out of sight ( attic or big cupboard). Wait 4 months. If the child has not noticed the disappearance then take to charity shop. Rinse and repeat.

[DepecheNO]

At 22 and 18, me and my brother are having to make ourselves available to "sort through" (bulk ditch) decades of cuddlies, exercise books and (yikes!) video tapes that our mother well-meaningly kept for us through three house moves. I've not missed any of this stuff in a decade or more, and I can say from experience that children are prone to hanging on to things if you remind them they have it, even if it never gets any use. In adulthood, I do this with clothes. I say that if she really doesn't use these things, get rid!

[Gooseberrycrumble2]

I think your mum has hoarding issues by the sounds of it. You can decide to be different.

Ask yourself if each toy is particularly useful right now

[sleeponeday]

There are 3 options:

1. you buy a mansion
   
2. you contact a reality TV show to book yourself in for a slot in a hoarding show in a decade so they intervene before you have to be dug out
   
3. you triage toys on a regular basis

[NoMontagues]

x-post with you gooseberry - re the flow of toys!

[NoMontagues]

When DD was this age (she's 14 now) I used to throw things into a bag under cover of darkness and bring them to the charity shop.

Anything I hadn't seen her play with in a while, or that she had grown out of- gone.

She never once complained or realised. I would buy her new things every so often so as far as I was concerned there was an in-flow and and out-flow of toys. Toys weren't going to accumulate indefinitely ffs.

DS is now 12 months and I'm sure I'll do the same again.

[Gooseberrycrumble2]

The thing is, there will be a steady flow of toys into your house over the years. You will have toys coming out if your ears!! You need to learn how to manage them, what to keep, what to get rid if. We have only a few quality toys as I can't bear clutter and my kids don't need much to be happy. They aren't materialistic at all

[Gooseberrycrumble2]

Make the choice for her! You know what she likes.

[hiccupgirl]

I don't think you can make or stop a child being a collector if they are naturally one. It seems to be an inbuilt characteristic.

My DS (5) collects cuddlies and will instantly notice if 1 is missing. He has been like this since he could crawl around and collect things himself. I've never been able to get rid of things without him noticing or asking where they have gone which is a total PITA.

If you reckon your DD won't notice or be bothered then I would cull her toys or put some away out of sight for a while before then taking them to the charity shop or rotating them.

[00100001]

Of course you don't know what her favourites will be in the future- but that doesn't matter. BY the time the "future" comes around she'll have other favourites.

If it bothers you that much that they're "not yours" sell them and put the money in a bank account for her.

[00100001]

good lord- at 20 months how could she possibly makea decision like that?

I thought you were talking about a 4 year old!!

You know what her favourites are, just get rid of the rest - bloody hell.

[ArriettyMatilda]

Love that everyone is accusing my mum of being a hoarder, I guess she is as she struggles to let go of things and accumulates a lot of "bargains". I want to keep the toys because I also think they are not mine to get rid of, but as pp have suggested I am trying to fight against an attachment to too much stuff.

Dd is 20 months and mostly plays with what she sees. She has loads of cuddly toys and really only shows passing interest in any of them, but I feel like I don't know which will be her favourites in the future. Some of the toys she has that I consider low play value were bought by relatives and I worry they will be upset. She never asks for any particular toy, so I feel like she is happy with what she has out and wouldn't miss anything that is packed away. It is more that I get bored and want to her to play with something different. I appreciate as she gets older this will change. Am I unreasonable to get rid of toys she has not yet outgrown?

[00100001]

I hate Stuff.


Good old clear out is cleansing!!

[rumbleinthrjungle]

My dm remembers that her toys consisted of about 8 items in the '40s, and she kept the lot her entire childhood in one locker cupboard, and they were still there in her parents' house when I was a kid. Times have changed There just isn't room to keep every single thing from birth onwards, particularly in a small house, and agree it's not so healthy to cling on to vast amounts of stuff.

I've always found when they have oceans of toys around (largely plastic bits) particularly with the 'mostly grown out of and not that interested' stuff, it gets spread everywhere and not much really gets played with anyway. They always play best when they have one or two things out and really get into them. If it's loved, if it's used, it stays. If it's not, then it goes to make room for the next one incoming. Same way we manage clothes, books and dvds in the house, or we'd all be drowning in Stuff.

Btw, I was a teacher's kid, so a lot of my (not loved, not used) toys ended up in the classroom wet break cupboards. I was a bit indignant when I found them there one classroom sorting out day in the holidays, but definitely not scarred.

[Gooseberrycrumble2]

She's arguing that it's your DDs stuff to sort. However the house is your space and your the ones who going to tidy constantly. It's your time that will have to be used and anyway you are capable of whittling things down nicely. I'm sure you know what she plays with.

Is she a hoarder?

[Gooseberrycrumble2]

How old is she?

[Gooseberrycrumble2]

I think its healthy/balanced/practical to sort toys/clothes/other items on an ongoing basis so that there's no hoarding

[00100001]

Get her to choose.

E.g tell her she can have "one doll" then get her choose her favourite, lose the rest.
She can have "five toy cars" etc.

She couldn't choose out if everything. So break it down for her. Let her make easy small decisions.


And just chuck some of the detritus anywau

[LowlLowl]

Could you box up some and put then on top of a cupboard or something (out of sight & mind) and then review after a fortnight to see if they have been missed? If so, restore the missed items, if not, they're already boxed for the charity shop...