to not feel all that sorry?

[toconclude]

Acquaintance from College died suddenly, FB full of posts/comments about how "quirky" and "charming" his "sometimes controversial opinions" were and how they loved him anyway.

Guy was a far-right, raging, fundamentalist bigot. Example - 'gay people should not be allowed citizen rights because those who commit armed robbery, which overall does less harm to society, forfeit theirs'.

I've kept schtum, don't want to say anything I'll regret, but f*ck it, I'm not saying I'm sorry and what a nice guy he was really.

Flame away, I'm a heartless bitch no doubt.

I'd say nothing. However, if you feel obliged to say something, express sympathy for his family and close friends.

He sounds like a charmer.

Not at all. Don't say anything you don't mean.

Say nothing at all. The time to challenge his revolting opinions or flush his head down the loo was when he was alive. You can't alter him now, and while you're entirely within your rights to inwardly roll your eyes at the selective memories, it would be cruel to upset people genuinely in grief.

A human being died and will not get to enjoy the life that you will. He left behind parents, a family?
He may have made a mistake it's over doesn't matter anymore
That's cruel
YABVU

No of course you shouldn't offer insincere condolences. Just block the posts if they bother you.

What's cruel exactly Another ?

But tbh I do think that not feeling sorry that this person has died does skirt a bit close to those views of him that you condemn! You might not feel grief on a personal level but a bigot's death is as sad as any other.

AnotherTime - hardly "a mistake" - he expressed continually vile and hateful opinions and I'm not praising him because that would be a lie. I have said (and will say)nothing, how is that "cruel"? I have to like everyone?

Also, no he didn't leave anyone, parents are gone and not married/partnered.

I don't agree mellow some deaths are not sad at all, and that's fine.

Personally I'm not comfortable with the view that someone's views, however horrible, mean their life was worth less.

Just don't say anything. Sometimes silence is more powerful.

BastardGoDarkly perfectly fine to have certain feelings against someone like that but not nice when he just died. He was a human being and possibly very scared when passing away. There is time when we have to let go . Better to just feel nothing and leave it

I agree with Theycallmemellowjello

some people should definitely be dead, and no loss to anyone. We can commiserate with loved ones without saying it was a life worth living.

Some people seem to suffer from this strange notion that dieing immediately means all transgressions and character flaws are expunged. I disagree. I wouldn't call someone on it unnecessarily but I won't join in either.

en.m.wikisource.org/wiki/Meditation_XVII

If you disliked him so much, why have him on your FB?!

If you cannot say anything nice, say nothing at all.

Open grieving on Facebook is grim anyway.

You're are not forced to grieve, even more so in this current undignified way people have to do it on facebook or twitter for people that they were not so close anyway.

But wow,caroldecker, way to be a nice little liberal Ayatollah! Death to the not-consensual and all that? I guess everyone has the potential to be a dictator if given the power, huh?

Obviously all that resentment wasn't good for his health was it..best just to say nothing.

Of course you should condole insincerely, especially on facebook

But having been the recipient of very kindly acts from people who hold obnoxious views, I wouldn't condemn him out of hand just for what came out of his mouth

Dont say anything. I had a particular home visiting patient who made lots of suggestive sexual comments to me. I talked about the weather and ignored these comments. When he died i sent a sympathy card to his wife. No need to upset anyone.

Parents gone and single, but he probably has relations. Imagine if this was your younger brother whose nappies you had changed.

Just say nothing but don't even think about saying anything hurtful.

Saying nothing is the best thing to do.

At the afternoon tea after my grandmas funeral everyone was telling grandad how much she loved him and that they were an amazing couple. Everyone in the village knew she hated him. He was the village drunk and more often than not drank his wages leaving grandma, dad and my aunties and uncles with no food. He was violent too.

It made me sick because all these people knew the truth. Dad got up and left and we followed.

It's perfectly acceptable to see something on fb you don't have to comment on it.

What would be awful is telling them you think he is a dick. It's not going to help anyone or achieve anything.

Obviously you are not obliged to feel sorry - you own your feelings. But say nothing. Nobody is keeping a chart of who sends condolences, but a post about his bigotry now would be exceptionally hurtful to his friends and family. The time to challenge his bigotry was before he died.

You can't force yourself to feel something. One of my relatives died recently, I grew up with her family, and I don't feel anything about it.

So don't feel bad that you aren't prostrate with grief over this.