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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not feel all that sorry?

38 replies

toconclude · 23/08/2015 01:04

Acquaintance from College died suddenly, FB full of posts/comments about how "quirky" and "charming" his "sometimes controversial opinions" were and how they loved him anyway.

Guy was a far-right, raging, fundamentalist bigot. Example - 'gay people should not be allowed citizen rights because those who commit armed robbery, which overall does less harm to society, forfeit theirs'.

I've kept schtum, don't want to say anything I'll regret, but f*ck it, I'm not saying I'm sorry and what a nice guy he was really.

Flame away, I'm a heartless bitch no doubt.

OP posts:

happymummyone · 23/08/2015 10:02

YANBU, you don't have to feel sorry if you're not. You didn't particularly like the guy, and do what is false sympathy going to achieve?

You would BU to say anything to anyone who knew him though, because someone might mourn him. Doesn't have to be you though!

AnotherTimeMaybe · 23/08/2015 10:16

Also, no he didn't leave anyone, parents are gone and not married/partnered.

So he died alone? That's sad. I m glad others at least found him nice so that someone ends up going to his funeral

It'd be a shame for his stupid views not to get a half decent send off

But as I said you can move on, don't have to say anything

FriedFishAndBread · 23/08/2015 10:28

I agree op, I think lots of people love to jump on the death bandwagon. If someone dies it doesn't automatically make them an angel. That doesn't mean I'm a heartless bitch that means I'm not a hypocrite.

derxa · 23/08/2015 10:40

gay people should not be allowed citizen rights because those who commit armed robbery, which overall does less harm to society, forfeit theirs'.
This does not make any sense.
I'm sure many people with obnoxious opinions who have died recently and are mourned by those who loved them. Are you the Grand High Arbiter of all opinions.
I'm sure you would not have agreed with many of my 92 year old father's racist opinions but he had over 300 people at his funeral and was genuinely mourned for his better qualities such as his support for those who had suffered from mental health problems. You should judge people by their actions not by stupid ill-formed opinions. Just keep your mouth shut. Rant over.

Eternalsunshines · 23/08/2015 10:45

If you don't have anything nice to say then don't say it.

CalmYourselfTubbs · 23/08/2015 10:49

YANBU.
don't say anything but i don't blame you for not being sorry.
one less asshole on a planet that's already on its knees.
did this person reproduce? if so - he probably has a clutch of hitler youth who will follow in his beliefs, unfortunately.

CalmYourselfTubbs · 23/08/2015 10:50

oh. just saw he didn't multiply. thank fuck.

DownstairsMixUp · 23/08/2015 10:58

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Reubs15 · 23/08/2015 11:04

Just don't say anything. If you had a problem with his views you should have brought it up when he was alive. I'm sure he has some people who cared about him so no need to upset them. Move on.

goddessofsmallthings · 23/08/2015 11:05

Some people may be able to get away with statements about the deceased such as 'he was a bigoted arsehole but I loved him to bits' or 'his colourful personality far outweighed his obnoxious beliefs', but why try when you may find yourself tarred with the same brush of inconsideration for the feelings of others you're painting him with?

The man is dead, most probably prematurely and, while you may not consider his demise a great loss to the world, I very much doubt that he can be said to have been a complete oxygen thief if so many have taken time, albeit a matter of minutes, to mourn his passing on FB.

Osolea · 23/08/2015 11:08

You don't have to say you're sorry, but then you aren't obliged to say anything. Your opinion doesn't really matter seeing as you and this person probably had very little to do with each other.

If you have nothing nice to say, and you can't even bring yourself to say that you're sorry for the people that did care about him and will miss him, then just say nothing.

Original poster

toconclude · 29/08/2015 17:17

To all those saying "you should have brought it up when he was alive". I did, several times. Just got rants back with the usual misconstrued scripture quotes and other bs 'reasoning'. After the comment I quoted I pointed out to him how little sense it made, then blocked him on fb because my much loved older son is bi and married to someone with 'male' on their birth cert. I heard about his death because he was still in touch with other fb friends from college.

And I did say at the start that I wouldn't say anything in public, and I haven't, not a word. I do have some scruples.

OP posts:

laffymeal · 29/08/2015 17:54

Best not to say anything.

I too had no time for Margaret Thatcher but was horrified at the gleeful celebrations when she died. I'm a humanist and cannot take pleasure in a death, I just can't.

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