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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To serve him his dinner for breakfast?

52 replies

PourquoiTuGachesTaVie · 22/08/2015 19:54

At my wits end with my 5 year old and food. He was making good progress with becoming less fussy until a month or two ago. I try to operate a 'eat it or don't eat it' policy but unless he is given plain pasta and sodding cheese to eat then he just doesn't eat dinner. I'm only serving things that I know he has eaten and liked in the past anyway. There is no snacking between meals and he wakes up starving because he isn't eating dinner. Additionally, it's just such a needless waste of food.

WIBU to serve him his dinner for breakfast the next morning the next time he refuses to eat?

OP posts:
Tigger365 · 22/08/2015 19:57

My mum used to do it for me. I remember having meat & potato pie for tea, breakfast, lunch and then finally for tea the following day.
I caved before she did!

TracyBarlow · 22/08/2015 19:58

YWBU. He's just 5.

I have a fussy eater. It's really hard, but I try to remember that it's not his fault.

He will survive off pasta if he has to. I have a no-option multi-vit that I give him daily which is the only thing he absolutely has to eat. I don't force the issue with anything else.

He'll grow out of it. Almost all of them do.

AdoraBell · 22/08/2015 19:58

As long as it's not just a plate of cold pasta straight out the fridge dumped in front of him, I don't think YABU. That is if you think he'll eat it at breakfast.

What else does he eat during the day?

spanky2 · 22/08/2015 20:00

Done that with both dcs. Only reheated once though. Expect tears. Ds1 would also vomit, so had to whip the plate away quickly and catch it in his bib. He vommed instead of tantrums. Joy. Stuff like chicken breast or shepherds pie or roast dinner!! He now eats okay.

Sirzy · 22/08/2015 20:04

To me that sounds like the perfect way to create issues around food.

FilbertSnood · 22/08/2015 20:06

Seems a bit unfair to be so hard on a 5yr old and to make mealtimes such a battle...

I can sympathise with how it is tho, can you serve some cut up veg / apple / whatever he will eat that is heathy alongside the meal? So that he can eat something?

pretend · 22/08/2015 20:07

If it's not eaten fresh and hot for dinner, why on earth would it be eaten cold and congealed or reheated the next morning?

It's disgusting. I'm not at all fussy, but if I didn't want my dinner, and I was served it cold for breakfast I'd be appalled.

No, just give him proper food and if he doesn't eat it then he goes hungry. His choice.

MaltaVestrit · 22/08/2015 20:08

i have a 5 YO who is attempting to be fussy. it can be so hard not to get into a battle of wills with them.

basically what I do is keep whatever meal is refused until the next meal time, so if he refuses lunch and then says he's hungry later his only option is the plate of lunch until dinner. then he is offered the same dinner as the rest of us.

I make sure that in every meal I serve I know he likes at least half of the items included (and by 'like' I mean has eaten happily before deciding that he no longer likes it because its Tuesday etc).

I make no comment, good or bad, on amount of food eaten. DC get praised for good table manners, good use of cutlery but not for how much they have/haven't eaten. even if he bates me with the usual 'I hate this' 'I'm not eating this' I do not under any circumstances engage. I will only ever repeat 'This is your lunch its your choice to eat it or not but there is nothing else until dinner'.

it takes a few days for them to get the message that you aren't going to bite but they do. after a few days he was just picking around the things he apparently didn't like. within a few weeks he was eating a few bit of the previously disliked foods.

I tried the 'keep giving them the same dish at each meal' thing but it just made DS even more angry and frustrated about the whole thing and ended up with him being genuinely hungry but being so stubborn he wouldn't give in.

its really hard I know. I have 2 other DC which helped in a way as I knew there was no way I was going to start restricting their diets to pander to DS' fussiness, so it made it easier for me to say 'I will continue to cook as normal and he can choose to eat or not'.

winchester1 · 22/08/2015 20:09

Tbh I'd just go back to serving normal meals at each meal time maybe even family service to reduce waste. Eat it or not there are no snacks or extras.
They must cope at murder and school after all.

EeyoresTail · 22/08/2015 20:10

I wouldn't do that OP and I have a fussy eater of my own. I feel like a PP that that may lead to issues with food.

spanky2 · 22/08/2015 20:12

It worked for me. You can't make them eat it. But op said you're having it for breakfast, so she has to do what she said. But we are the parents and make the rules and decide what is acceptable food to eat as we know about nutrition. Someone I know never made her ds1 eat stuff he didn't like and now he's 10 and now he'll only eat five foods.

Lweji · 22/08/2015 20:13

I would offer at least one item I know they like and other foods that I'm eating too. And just show satisfaction in eating them.
I could start a rule that he'd have to try at least one food that it's not his usual staple. He might even surprise himself.

Original poster
PourquoiTuGachesTaVie · 22/08/2015 20:14

For breakfast he will happily eat (not all at once obviously): toast, porridge, weetabix, bananas, apples, boiled or scrambled eggs, pancakes.

For lunch he will eat: cheese and ham sandwiches, instant noodles, carrot sticks, chips, potato waffles, tinned spaghetti, and the afore mentioned pasta and cheese.

It's just proper hot food which he refuses and complains about every single time. It's more infuriating as these are meals I know he has eaten before (during the three month spell when his fussiness improved).

He acts like multivitamins are sweets the way he looks forward to getting one. I'm also not terribly happy that he has said before now that he doesn't need the vitamins from his dinner because he has had a multivit.

OP posts:
Original poster
PourquoiTuGachesTaVie · 22/08/2015 20:18

And table manners are atrocious because I've spent so long just hoping he will eat that I thought I'd work on table manners once he eats better. I've just done everything wrong ffs.

OP posts:
User543212345 · 22/08/2015 20:21

Can you offer a small portion of pasta with cheese as a side to something else? Something else you and he agree on - so you've asked him what he wants and have included him? At least that way he's eating something. I don't have children so have no experience of this working or not.

I was a fussy eater as a child. My parents turned it into a battle in so many ways. I am mid 30s now and still struggling with eating disorders. Please don't humiliate/upset him over food - it can take a lifetime to overcome these issues, and I wouldn't wish them on anyone.

RabbitSaysWoof · 22/08/2015 20:22

My Mum did this and I remember feeling like I would loose face if I ate it, I think I would have been willing to eat if it wasn't such a big deal the night before.
I would do it, but be relaxed and matter of fact when he leaves it the day before, and not outwardly smug when you present it for breakfast so he doesn't feel like eating it would be a battle lost by him, he may really really enjoy it if he's more hungry in the morning.
As long as it was cooked the day before and not a 2nd time round that night, I batch cook so that wouldn't be an option for me but I would with something I'd just cooked. I would do it on a non school day incase he refuses and needs earlier lunch.

RabbitSaysWoof · 22/08/2015 20:27

You haven't done everything wrong at all, you have been trying not to peck at him at the table, you now feel being firmer might be more effective.
I agree with you re the multi vit like he thinks it's a get out and that not being good.

goldglittershitter · 22/08/2015 20:30

Yabu, it is Dickensian n will lead to ur DS having issues around food.

I have been there n know ur pain but I think ur stance of offering n then just removing without fuss if not eaten is the way to go. Don't feed the behaviour of food as a battleground, if u'll pardon the pun n don't make him feel scrutinised, that way he will lose the pressure n the power n may start eating as u hope.

GrizzlebertGrumbledink · 22/08/2015 20:32

I'm afraid I have no wise advice to offer, but I'm crying with laughter over the nursery/murder autocorrect above!

Louise43210 · 22/08/2015 20:34

To avoid the waste food could you serve the meal in the centre of the table? I have a large family and do this a lot - I only put a small amount of food on the plates - I leave most of it to the children. So let's say we were have a cooked chicken with a french stick, chips and salad. I would put a bowl of sliced chicken, a bowl of sliced french stick, a bowl of chips, a few bowls of salad in the middle. Everyone helps themselves to the amounts that they fancy. One of my children is very fussy and usually he chooses loads of chicken, loads of bread, but only 2 slices of cucumber. However, he has control and eats enough - perhaps not in ideal proportions, but he'll be fine I'm sure. I always make sure that at least one or two items on the table will be eaten by Mr Fussy, so I know that he won't starve. Also the untouched food can go back in the fridge cling filmed ready for later. I do let them have a snack though as their meals are spaced very well apart.

Sometimesitsnowsinapril · 22/08/2015 20:37

Oh my I would be over the moon if my 11 year old ate the things on that list! I wouldn't class that as fussy eating! His diet consists of:

Breakfast : nothing/marmite on toast
Lunch: marmite and cheese sandwich
Dinner: well, pot luck. Ranges between nothing and what food he can stomach on the plate.

If it was me I would ignore. It looks like his breakfast and lunch is good. Offer the evening meal and if he refuses take it away when everyone has finished. If he is Hungary later reheat his dinner once, if it is refused again then it is nothing.

My ds has cried at his food, been sick after eating something not on his "approved list" and most worryingly stored food in his mouth and spat it down the loo in secret. You definitely do not want your ds to develope into this :(

WorraLiberty · 22/08/2015 20:44

No I wouldn't do it.

I'd rather try to find out what's up with him and why he won't eat his dinner.

Have you tried serving him literally just a couple of spoonfuls on a plate?

Original poster
PourquoiTuGachesTaVie · 22/08/2015 20:45

Ok serving bowls in the middle of the table is a good idea thank you. So I'm going ahead with a plan of;
Eat or don't eat, it's up to him
He helps himself from the table
Plate cleared away after set amount of time - what's reasonable here? Half an hour?

He will talk and talk instead of eating, then complains that we have finished before he has even started!

OP posts:
bloodyteenagers · 22/08/2015 20:48

As a child I wasn't around away from the table until I had eaten. I was given a time limit because I would sit there forever. The food would be taken away and then served at the next meal time.
I did not cave.

I then had a very unhealthy relationship with food. Including a time at a mates and served something I didn't like and I cried and shook with fear that I would have to eat the stuff. I was 16 at this point.

Now as a parent, fads come and go. Good isn't eaten oh well. I still put stuff on a plate I know isn't liked and if not eaten not made a deal of. We all sit together and chat whilst eating about mundane things. Engross them in conversation so they aren't paying attention and you will be surprised what accidentally gets consumed. I also found ages 4 - 7 ish the worst for fads. They copy
Their mates.

afreshstartplease · 22/08/2015 20:50

I had this done to me as a child

I would never do it to my own

It's just not nice