I've posted this thread in the miscarriage section (no replies yet), and whilst publishing I thought to myself ''perhaps DP really is heartless''. Please read and advise.
Hi ladies,
Sorry if this is quite lengthily but I really need some advice and support, I've never felt more alone and heartbroken.
Thursday, I had some light pink spotting of which I thought nothing of. I haven't had a period since January, and after countless visits to my GP about my concerns, it was always put down to them repeatedly taking pregnancy tests, and when they turned up negative, insisting it was just hormones.
About 2 or so months ago, my breasts starting producing colostrum (I even tasted it, and it was sweet like breast milk). My breasts were also getting huge. Again, no period. Flash forward to yesterday and I got these agonising cramps, so bad like nothing I've ever felt before. I was sitting at my desk at work, and then felt dampness and immediately ran to the loo. To my shock, there was lots of clotted, heavy blood. I decided A&E was needed since I was in so much pain in my left hand side of the uterus and the bleeding was getting heavier.
After waiting 6 HOURS to be seen, I had a vaginal examination, and a scan confirmed that there was a sac of around 10+ weeks gestation, but no baby to be seen. Many emotions ran through my head, and I was told to wait outside so the (relatively rude) doctor could put my notes together.
I was then called in briefly to be told I could either let things come away naturally, have a medical procedure or take some medication that'd help move things along. I opted for the medication, took the tablets and was then advised I needed to come in for another scan to make sure things were moving along swiftly, otherwise I could risk infection and may need a D&C if things weren't clearly considering the age of the sac. My scan is on Tuesday.
Nothing was explained to me, not even what 'type' of miscarriage it is. If I asked, my doctor just said everything would be confirmed Tuesday. Her only reply to my upset was ''I see it a planned pregnancy then?'' no it wasn't but it would've been wanted.
I didn't even know I was pregnant, but I feel like I've just lost a loved one I've known for years. When I arrived home and announced the miscarriage to my partner, his initial reaction was ''You're only 17, behave!'' Then he went on further to say ''But it's just a sac''. My reply was yes, but there was something inside it before. Miscarriages are severely painful no matter your age, if they hurt, they hurt big time.
He realised he'd been very hurtful and hugged me and told me everything would be okay. And realised his mistakes but then looked like a little lost boy of 21, facing me on the bed with no a clue what to say and told me he didn't know what to do, he was too immature and had never been in this type of situation before (like I have..) (I haven't).
I'll give him his due, he did dote on me all evening but every 10 minutes there was an ''are you okay now darling?'' And I felt guilty for making him upset. My initial reaction to his ''I'm really sorry'' was NO YOU'RE NOT! YOU DON'T HAVE A CLUE WHAT THIS IS LIKE.. but then I realised he is really sorry for me, just not the situation.
I'm going through all this all alone and it's devastating because my DP is in no way apart of the emotional trauma. A lady before me outside the ward lost her baby (at 5 weeks) and was in tears with her partner who'd been TTC with her for a few years.
Today my partner is very much less forgiving and is starting to get impatient with my upset. I've been told to be prepared for a big bleed, so have been wearing these black, size 22 on my size 10 body, knickers. He found this hilarious and was borderline furious that I couldn't take the joke. (I don't think he put 2 and 2 together that I was wearing these because the contents of a lost pregnancy were expected).
Now he's just got off the phone from his Mum who's returned from holidays, and announced 'We're going out tomorrow'. Quite frankly, I don't want to go anywhere.
Am I being unreasonable? I know it's best to surround yourself with friends and family but I don't feel capable at all just yet. It hasn't even been 24hrs since I found out. He was all happy this morning and said ''I know what we'll do today, have a huge clear out!'' My head went numb, I'm in lots of pain, the last thing I want to do is be sparkling the loo.
How can I make him understand things a little better for me, emotionally and physically? He isn't being very understanding and I don't know what I can say to make him see sense, because if I try to explain he gets annoyed.
I wish I had someone to talk to, most of my friends are work mates etc have children and have very busy lives/doing things this weekend. I'd talk to my best friend, my Mum, but she isn't back from holidays until Monday and I'm exhausted after work.
Thank you all x x x