aibu to hate my dh this summer?

[Fostergroovy]

Dh hasn't worked since his business failed three years ago. He was depressed and had counselling. Even though he is better, he doesn't want to work. Every morning he lays in and I actually want to stab him through the heart (it's been a long summer). I can't work full time and cover him because he is awful with our dk and would not look after them properly. If I worked full time I would have to do all the housework and cooking too, and never see my kids in the last couple of years before they move on.

Given that he can work but doesn't want to he's being very unfair on you and the dc. So he doesn't work, can't look after them properly, doesn't help around the house, any redeeming qualities?

I'm presuming your almost adult children are also able to help out? Why are you doing everything?

What do you mean by 'awful'.

I know we're meant to walk on eggshells with this as the whole "MH" aspect has been raised but seriously he is taking the piss.

So he can work but doesn't want to, he won't have the kids so you can work more hours? Jeez.

Sorry but his unwillingness is just so selfish!

He is not abusive to kids at all, he just doesn't seem to like them much.

I think he lost all his confidence.

Have you spoken to him about this? What on earth does he contribute to family life?

I bet your dc know he doesn't like them much.

So he doesn't work, doesn't look after the home and can't be trusted to look after his child.

Seriously tell him to leave, being depressed has nothing to do with the fact he has got used to you working, looking after the home and family.

His is fine because YOU are doing every thing, I'm betting he drinks and smokes and buys himself what he wants for himself as well.

Why are you with him?

The only question I want to ask is why on earth you put up with this?

He's a lump of dead weight.

Yanbu, what exactly do you get out of this relationship?

All he's doing is making your life more difficult. I would ask him to move out. Not end the marriage but just live separately. He'll have to support himself. You can work full time and your kids can help round the house. I've had severe depression and it's awful but it's not an excuse to be that lazy.
It will be damaging for your children having a parent around who doesn't like them.

Maybe he isn't "better"

That's the thing with depression some people belive it gives them a get out of jail free card for life. It doesn't.

I would ask him to move out for a while whe he figures out what he wants from life. You don't have to pay his way.

Depression fall out is a great book

It all depends on whether he's getting help and helping himself, in regards to his depression.

If a woman had PND, you would of got a completely different response and rightly so.

It's time to have blunt honest conversations with time limits.

Well I was with you until you said that you don't want to work either.

You would be much better off alone. If he dislikes your children, they know it. You are carrying him and it does him no good at all.

Tell him that the gravy train has pulled into the station and it's time for him to get off.

Are you sure he's better? It doesn't sound like it.

I don't have anybody in my home (my children's home!) that doesn't like them. This, imo, needs to be your priority here.

He needs to actively seek help or leave, you would be better off without him.

Well I was with you until you said that you don't want to work either.

^ this.

Plus it doesn't sound to me I'd he is 'better' at all.

I also agree that if someone was on here saying they had PHD the responses would be different.

*PND

Where has the OP said she doesn't want to work?

Seriously, OP, you need to tell him he steps and does his share or he buggers off. Your resentment will only grow.

Op works part time but feels she can't work full time cos he's no good with the dc and would also end up doing all the housework on top. Not the same as not wanting to work. She does work.

I'd want him to get more help or get out, tbh.