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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want to know the secrets of parents of children who actually, you know, play with toys

51 replies

thinkingmakesitso · 22/08/2015 14:03

because mine don't. I am sitting in a playroom surrounded by the things, trying to remember the last time most of them were played with. Playmobile, lego, other figures and playsets, plastic animals, SF - none of them have been worth the money. I see threads on here or chat with friends about dc playing for 'hours' with various things, and I feel like a failure.

So I really want to ask these parents - how involved do you get? Have you taught your dc to do this? Do you think it helps if they have lots in common - my 2 are very different. What does 'hours' actually mean? I will suggest games but I can't really fake the enthusiasm for playing for long at all - and the less they respond, the sooner I want to stop. So I think it's my fault, but I am an only and my parents never (well, seldom) played with me and I used to amuse myself for hours with far fewer toys than my dc have - and they have each other.

We have had loads of days-out this holiday, a great week away and they have been to ex's parents and done loads there. I also enjoy boardgames with them, jigsaws (they are less keen then me on these) and have bowled endless balls for ds1, so I'm not complaining that we've had no good times. It just grates on me that if we do have the odd quiet day at home, left to their own devices it would be screen, screen screen with ds1 punctuating this with playing cricket and ds2 wandering around doing not a lot of anything.

What have I done wrong?

OP posts:

DoreenLethal · 22/08/2015 14:05

screen screen screen?

ilovesooty · 22/08/2015 14:07

What happens if they don't have access to screens?

winchester1 · 22/08/2015 14:07

How old are they? And do you limit screen time at all so they have to find a way to entertain themselves maybe even together?

sunnydayinmay · 22/08/2015 14:08

How old? We started quite young. I would set up a game of Happy Land or something, play for half an hour, then leave them to it. Now, "playing upstairs" means no screens, just play. They still seem to get a lot from it as wind down time

Palomb · 22/08/2015 14:10

Mine are upstairs playing with the Lego. They were out in the garden earlier on pretending ds was a cat. They're also been on the trampoline today.

Of course they would much rather be playing on mine craft but I won't let them stay at screens all day.

TravellingToad · 22/08/2015 14:11

I think most children would pick screen over playing if that's what you permit!!

You need to (if that's what you want) have a limit on screen time. An hour, say, then off it all goes and they can play or help you with chores. Their choice.

Palomb · 22/08/2015 14:12

Ahh yes the old "go and play or you can help me with the washing up" trick. Works every time

Coffeemorris · 22/08/2015 14:14

I play with my DD and her toys for half an hour or so then leave her to it and she'll play for maybe another half hour then needs redirecting to something new. She's only 3. She finds non-toys just as interesting as toys eg emptying the cupboards. She's colouring in her face at the moment

bikeandrun · 22/08/2015 14:14

Its down to personality, my ds loves to play, Lego, plastic figures etc. He is nearly 10 and is a bit sad that many other boys of his age are no longer interested in this had a great time playing train sets with my friends 4 year old, I was sworn to secrecy) DD 11 hasn't played for years , if she has no screen, will read, make scrap books, chat no real interest in make believe play even when she was say 6.

SueGeneris · 22/08/2015 14:15

I've wanted to start a similar thread.

I have had to restrict my DCs access to screens or they will choose those even though they clearly get bored doing it!

We have a no screens until after lunch rule and then they have to come off if they're going on too long. I will send them out in the garden etc.

But I still feel that especially DS1 (7) doesn't play much with his actual toys. DD (5) is better. I think part of it is that they have too much. They are better when I put a lot of stuff away into a cupboard and just have a few things out. I am not sure how to address the too much stuff going forwards. We don't buy for them outside of birthdays and Christmas except very rarely but with 3 sets of grandparents and four sets of aunties/uncles they end up with lots of gifts. But I am sure it is too much.

They do play a lot with toy cars and spent a lot of time this week making puddles for the cars with a hose in the garden. But they had to be banned from screens before they found that to do.

Original poster

thinkingmakesitso · 22/08/2015 14:15

Sorry for lack of commas - screen, screen screen. I am in an awkward hanging chair with a bulky laptop. I do limit screen, yes, but am pretty sure that they would stay on most of the time if I didn't enforce switching them off. They have an hour or so after breakfast (hangover from when they used to wake really early) and after that screens rarely go back on again, and if they do it is only for 20 mins or so, though ds1 is allowed to watch the cricket when it's on later.

At the point screens go off, ds1 will go in the garden with a bat and ball, where he will happily stay for hours, though at some point will want me to bowl, which I am happy to do of course, but it gets to me that this is all he seems to do. I wish he would sit and play with lego for an hour and then we could go in the garden together but he never wants to. Ds2 will wander around a bit, want to talk to me about me favourite my little pony etc etc, may go on the trampoline, but never really seems to get engrossed in anything, which bothers me.

OP posts:

Frusso · 22/08/2015 14:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AllOfTheCoffee · 22/08/2015 14:16

We live in a really old house and sometimes the electricity gets too hot and has to rest

It doesn't work anymore now, they know where the breaker switch is

I got years out of that one though

Original poster

thinkingmakesitso · 22/08/2015 14:21

They really don't have a lot of screen time. It's off by 9am and usually not back on again. They don't complain about being bored - it's me who looks at what they're doing and thinks, in the case of ds1, "why can't you do something more imaginative??", and in the case of ds2, "please just do something, rather than following me about!!" I don't say these things, of course. They are 8 & 6.

OP posts:

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 22/08/2015 14:26

There is absolutely nothing wrong with saying to DS2 "Go and do something. Mummy is busy. I don't want to hear from you for half an hour" by which point he will (sometimes) be engrossed in something.

NannyR · 22/08/2015 14:29

The kids I look after don't have access to any screens at all during the day (and never have from day one); one programme each before bed. The older two (8and6) will play for hours with Lego, the little one (3) will play Lego alongside them but has less concentration span. They will all play imaginative/role play games together, mums and dads etc.

I do play with them as in playing board games and doing jigsaws or helping them with art projects, but I do leave them to their own devices a lot of the time as I feel that being able to entertain yourself is an important skill to learn.

I think the no screens thing is key, but I know I'm unusual these days, where children have so much access to them. I just feel that it's as easy to whip out a book or crayons to entertain kids as it is to hand them an iPhone if you're on a bus or in a restaurant for example.

sticklebrickstickle · 22/08/2015 14:30

I think often you do have to almost 'teach' children how to play with toys imaginatively. When they're little and their play is mostly just stacking their toys or putting them in and taking them out of containers etc you join in with them and model imaginative play. You lead a lot of the pretending and imaginative stuff and try and keep them focused on the imaginative aspect of the game for more than 10 seconds. As they get older they lead more of the play until they can play with those sorts of toys without you, either independently or with siblings/ peers.

Maybe if you say and joined in with the Lego the first few times they would get better at it? That said if you don't have much interest in that kind of stuff maybe they are just the same in terms of what they enjoy doing? Different children will like different kinds of toys and different kinds of play. Whilst lots of kids love toys like farm animals/ playmobile etc and making up imaginary scenarios and stories in imaginary worlds some just aren't into that kind of play. They want to be out doing active stuff or constructing things or crafts or prefer role-play and dressing up etc to playing with mini figures. I don't think it matters what kind of toys/ games your DC like so long as there are some things they enjoy doing.

SurlyCue · 22/08/2015 14:35

I have two boys aged 10 and 6. 10 year old has never really been into playing. He always preferred to sit and watch cbeebies or play computer games. He goes to the park with friends but they just swing about on the frames. He needs a real nudge to go outside and play a game.

6 year old could make a game out of thin air. He doesnt sit for more than 5 minutes. Has little interest in "chilling" he needs to be doing. Whether it is a jigsaw or lego or football or his bike or sandpit. He is always on the go.

Despite having the same input from me (quite little- i dont really get involved in playing) they are chalk and cheese. Each child is different. I dont know what the secret is .

godsavethequeeeen · 22/08/2015 14:38

Do you have a garden? Mine are happier being turfed outside with string, buckets, wood and general clutter to invent stuff.

They've never really bothered with toys, they're bored once it's set up and quickly mix it with other sets. We are not a household of tidy toy boxes.

SurlyCue · 22/08/2015 14:38

In fact DS2 probably had less play input than DS1. ds1 was at nursery from 5 months old until he started school so would have had lots of other children and care staff to teach him to play. With DS2 i was SAHM but as i said, i'm not the playing sort. Maybe out of necessity he built these skills himself.

BabyGanoush · 22/08/2015 14:38

Mine play loads.

But only if I limit screen time and let them get "bored" for hours .

Whilst I work or MN.

godsavethequeeeen · 22/08/2015 14:40

surly yes! Mine can invent things out of thin air. They might run amok but I never hear them say they're bored. house is a mess though.

SurlyCue · 22/08/2015 14:41

house is a mess though.

Same!

tomatodizzymum · 22/08/2015 14:45

mine are not really bothered with screen time. They get bored on the screens and end up going off to play, the younger two don't usually have any screen time, one has a DS and the other plays shape games on my phone but this rarely lasts more than about 20 minutes. They do like playing together as well. 12, 10, 6 and 3. They will set up whole scenarios with the animals, playmobil and lego, the older two showing the younger two to play.

ImperialBlether · 22/08/2015 14:53

I babysit for a little boy (6) who doesn't really know how to play. He's a really lovely boy and when I go there I don't let him use his iPad at all. We play games - I was teaching him how to play cards the other day. We do exercises. I had to ask his mum to buy him colouring books and pens etc - there wasn't anything like that in the house. He now sits and colours in for ages.

One thing I noticed was that the games he did have weren't organised or complete. We couldn't play any game as there were bits missing. That's really depressing, I think, to have boxes and boxes of stuff that you can't play with. Same with his lego - he just had enough lego to build the thing on the box, but then pieces had gone missing so you couldn't make them either.

I feel lucky that my children grew up in an era without screens. I wouldn't let them have the tv on too much, but I love films so was happy for them to watch a good film.

Is your house set up so there's room to play and boxes of games are complete and organised?

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