To want to know the secrets of parents of children who actually, you know, play with toys

[thinkingmakesitso]

because mine don't. I am sitting in a playroom surrounded by the things, trying to remember the last time most of them were played with. Playmobile, lego, other figures and playsets, plastic animals, SF - none of them have been worth the money. I see threads on here or chat with friends about dc playing for 'hours' with various things, and I feel like a failure.

So I really want to ask these parents - how involved do you get? Have you taught your dc to do this? Do you think it helps if they have lots in common - my 2 are very different. What does 'hours' actually mean? I will suggest games but I can't really fake the enthusiasm for playing for long at all - and the less they respond, the sooner I want to stop. So I think it's my fault, but I am an only and my parents never (well, seldom) played with me and I used to amuse myself for hours with far fewer toys than my dc have - and they have each other.

We have had loads of days-out this holiday, a great week away and they have been to ex's parents and done loads there. I also enjoy boardgames with them, jigsaws (they are less keen then me on these) and have bowled endless balls for ds1, so I'm not complaining that we've had no good times. It just grates on me that if we do have the odd quiet day at home, left to their own devices it would be screen, screen screen with ds1 punctuating this with playing cricket and ds2 wandering around doing not a lot of anything.

What have I done wrong?

Huge part is personality IME.

Also is it possible that you have too many toys/games/stuff. There was some research published a few years back that if too much was available dc got overwhelmed and didn't actually play with anything.

Worth reading this article

www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2007/jan/20/familyandrelationships.family1

I have a 3 and a 1 year old, the TV is usually on in the morning whilst I clear up, empty dishwasher, get dressed etc, then it goes off. My 3 year old always gets a warning that's it's going off.

But once it's off they play. My 3 year old is very into colouring and the 1 year olds loves emptying the cupboards. Or I unload a few toys and they get on with it. The TV doesn't tend to go back on until late afternoon/evening when I need a rest! They're quite good at playing really making a huge mess I'm pretty sure though my 3 year old would watch TV all day given the chance.

I think that the PP makes a good point about too much choice being overwhelming.

I agree with the 'too much choice' but where the hell do you keep all the toys when there is no room left?

I put it down to imagination. Ds1 was terrible, didn't ever really "play" as a small child but loved people reading to him and watching TV. At pre school age he was desperate for toys and then when he got them couldn't work out what to do with them.

Ds2 can play for hours make us late for everything because all he ever wants to do is play.

And the difference is imagination. Ds2 has an amazing capacity for creating scenarios talking to himself whereas Ds1 has the imagination of a brick, like me.

Now he is 10, he loves sport, computers, crosswords, sudoku, things that are tangible, have rules, and a point to them. They are both gorgeous, but I get a lot of smug satisfaction from the marvelling over Ds2 because it's alien to me too and I get to read the paper.

Try not to beat yourself up, he'll find his niche. As long as there is a bit of play dough, colouring etc available, and books and cuddles, at some point he will latch on to something and he'll be fine.

If he's clingy and you're at the end of your patience well let him do exactly what he wants for a while every day, even if that's on a screen, as your sanity is most important.
Having a stressed mother had far greater negative impact than an octonauts marathon. In my experience.

Sorry, clingy is the wrong word - whiney. And she not he! ! It's nearly 1 am, I should sleep. And sorry for ridiculously long post

If you're too many toys etc. then rotate them or seriously get rid of them!!

When you get carried away at Christmas and birthdays stop yourself.

My ds6 never plays with toys and it drives me mad! We have a playroom full and he doesn't touch them. He has some screen time but he isn't that fussed as all he wants to do is be in the garden kicking a ball around! He has already said he doesn't want toys for Christmas just two new football kits! Great for his crazy energy levels not so great on a rainy day

My DS has an amazing imagination so that's why he plays for Lego for hours. He can't hit a ball to save his life though!

Most 8 year old boys I know spend more time kicking a ball than playing Lego.

TBH I think your kids sound like typically socialised boys

My dc play, but not with toys. They will make up dances, play police or monsters or make obstacle courses, climb in the garden, watch tv or play computer games, but never pick up the many toys they have. They are 6 and 12.
I think its just their personalities.
I have worked with children for years, some like toys, others don't. It's nothing to worry about, but frustrating if people buy them things that they never look at.

I've never really restricted screen time for my two, whether that's tv or games consoles. I found that if they aren't limited then they get bored with them the same as any other toy.

Even now at 14 & 17 they can often be found playing monopoly or cards or, if the weather is good they are out with a ball.

Given that you say "the odd day at home" it doesn't sound excessive. If you can relax on mn then they can relax on whatever it is they are playing surely?

Interesting to read - and nice to know we're not alone! One of the things that frustrates me about it is that I know DS1 is imaginative - his writing (he will only write at school!) is fab and a particular strength is creative writing. He actually won an award for an independently produced creative piece this year, yet at home it is sport/screen and that's it.

I think they both find fiddly little stuff irritating - both lego and playmobile, tbh. Both actually enjoy putting lego 'sets' together, but never play with them once done as they just seem to fall apart. It amazes me when people talk about playing with lego for this reason, though building stuff from the imagination I get - both ds's just get frustrated when it doesn't turn out how they want though.

Think I will try and lighten up about it, but I find it so hard not to compare them when others.

My kids don't play much really. We have very few toys in the house because we live in a tiny house for the amount of people in and and we don't have the space for anything that isn't used.

I have to ban screens, and set up alternative activities, take a deep breath and deal with the half hour sulks, strops and General "you're the worst mum ever" backlash from banning said screens, and then the magic happens.

We have: k'nex, lego, Hexbugs, a dolls house, some fake my little ponies (saisburys own lol) and a box of cars. We have a trampoline outside.

During the Worst Mum Ever screen banning times, My eldest will read a book or write a story, littlest will do craft or drawing or play ponies, and those inbetween generally run around with their lego swords and cause havoc.

Then we go back to screen time and calm is restored again! Then I am the Best Mum Ever. Phew!

When my ds was small he hated playing with lego as too fiddly. When friends coming round he hid the lego as he had some great stuff they loved to play with. All he wanted was football and organised a match when they came. Dd also not much time for tots except loved craft stuff all day every day..sticking and cutting.. She played with toys in her cousin s as had no choice. She also loved skipping. Think it's up to them as long as screens are off. Just let them hang around. And definitely less toys.

My ds (now 6) has never played unless I play too. It's bloody draining. He has an iPad but doesn't spend hours on it. He's had loads of toys over the years as I've desperately tried to find something he will 'play for hours' with. At his age I (also an only child) would play for a very long time with pretty much any small world type toys.

He doesn't like Lego or colouring or drawing. He does like board games but that requires my input. He is capable of reading short chapter books but doesn't want to, he much prefers me to read to him. He has a load of Playmobil, construction toys, art supplies, dinosaur figures, science kits and has no interest in playing with any of them independently. None at all. I honestly don't think he's entertained himself for longer then twenty minutes in his entire life. He will play football outside on his own for ten or fifteen minutes then he gets bored. Occupying him over the summer is quite tricky.

Mine don't play with toys either. We're not a make believe sort of family. They will play board games and chess with each other occasionally and do creative stuff. I don't let them have screen time all day luckily they have a load of friends in the street to play with and clubs to go to.

I'd prefer to take them to the park/softplay/swimming/to a friend's then play any make believe game with them which they don't want to do anyway.

wish I didn't buy so much shit they never play with like lego for Xmas every year

My grandsons are 8 and 6 and they play for hours, mainly with Lego but also other construction kits, Star Wars figures, board games and sometimes the 8 year old will help his brother build a huge Brio track.

I mean up to two hours with Lego having to be called away to eat and keen to get back to it. At the moment the project is reassembling kits previously built and now dismantled. They also play outside for ages.

I think they need to get bored before they learn to use their imagination and play.I think it i a mistake to entertain them too much or this is a skill they never develop

I agree that it is down to personality as well. My 3yr old is better at playing alone than my 7yr old - makes up long stories about teddies / playmobil etc. The 7yr old has got better recently - tends to go through phases (Lego / loom bands / hama beads) but often wants to play a card or board game which can be hard if DH isn't here so we can take one each! Now the 7yr old can read well enough for "proper" books it is a bit easier though!

Less screen time
Age appropriate toys.
I would encourage them to read books/comics
Do crafts
Involve them in sports/activities

A lot of it is down to personality.

My oldest ds has never been into playing. Attention span of ten seconds when on his own, he jumps from toy to toy until he wanders off. He has always been into people: what he wants is someone to interact/ play / talk / cuddle with: the actual game is entirely secondary to the person playing it with him. His little bro OTOH will play independently for hours with any random little figure toy - making up stories, games, songs. Always has done. Ds1 would now rather read than play, which is fine too.

Yes screen time is s big distraction. But having watched them play minecraft... That's as imaginative play as anything I did, it's just in a different way.

I have three DCs - 7, 6 and 3. None of them have screens of their own, although we do have an ancient 'family' ipad that's been sat on top of a wardrobe for the last 6 months. They are allowed to watch TV for about an hour a day, sometimes more if it's an awful day, weatherwise, or they are ill.

We have a huge playroom that's filled with toys, games and books, as well as toys and books in their own rooms, and DH is convinced that they have way too much. I'm inclined to agree to be honest but have no idea on how to address the situation! Two of the DCs have bdays close to Christmas so they tend to get a lot of new stuff at that time of year.

We have lots of Playmobil and Lego but I tend to only get that out every now and again, and rotate the big sets - so that they appreciate it a bit more! DD(6) and DS(3) tend to play mums and dads a lot and they all like making up silly shows to perform - we have a lot of dressing up stuff. We also have a big shop and kitchen set up that gets played with a lot, as well as lots of Hama beads, craft stuff and colouring/activity books. Apart from that, I reckon I could get rid of a lot of stuff without them missing out but it seems a bit wrong to do so! I think they do sometimes get a bit overwhelmed by having so much though.

Far and away the favourite thing for my kids to do though is to play in the garden or on their bikes on our track. We have a playhouse, swing/slide set and a mud kitchen so they always have something to do out there if running about playing hide and seek and stuff gets too boring! They do all fight a lot too so they often need separating and have to go and do things on their own for a while. For DD(7) this would be reading/drawing/writing, DD(6) plays with her dolls/ponies/colouring and DS(3) plays with his trains/cars or his indoor gravel pit and diggers!