AIBU?
So I probably ABU, but by how much?
BerylStreep · 21/08/2015 23:22
DH's family is having a massive celebration tomorrow - an elderly relative has reached a huge milestone, and family have flown in from around the world to celebrate.
There is an event at 9am in the morning, which will involve getting us all up, scrubbed and dressed for beforehand. I have bought new outfits for the DC. I have spent today shopping for, and preparing food to bring along to the celebration dinner afterwards. We are also hosting family tomorrow evening, who have travelled to be here, and will be staying with us.
So DH has gone out for a work do tonight. Previous experience of these events have always been that he drinks far too much, and arrives back far too late, pretty much writing off the next day due to tiredness / grumpiness / hangover.
As he was leaving tonight I asked what time he was planning to be back by, to which he said 1am.
I have told him that unless he is back by 12, I won't be accompanying him to the event tomorrow, as I'm not prepared to enable his hangover or his bad mood.
I know he would probably say IABU, but am I? This is his family, and I feel I am being left to do all the wifework whilst he goes and gets pissed with his colleagues.
grumpysquash · 21/08/2015 23:27
Given what time you have to get up, I think YANBU. But I think that if the DC are expecting to go, then I think YABU to wake up in the morning and tell them you're not going [unless they're so young they really wouldn't notice].
Slightly baffled as to why DH thinks it's fine to go out on the razz given the family commitments...............
pigsDOfly · 21/08/2015 23:34
I'm with BlackeyedSusan, if he can't get up in time go without him.
Sounds like you've worked really hard to ensure your family will be there looking spruce so why would you want to let that all go to waste.
And think of all the brownie points you'll earn with his family.
BerylStreep · 21/08/2015 23:36
I can legitimately not turn up. I have been quite ill recently, and wasn't able to go to a pre event last night due to illness. However I really wanted to go to the event tomorrow, in order to celebrate with the elderly relative, and feel I have really pushed myself health wise in order to be able to prepare for the event.
My intention is to send him along with DC, sans moi. It might involve me having to drive him though.
3CheekyLittleMonkeys · 21/08/2015 23:37
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BackforGood · 21/08/2015 23:38
YABU to deprive yourself of the family celebrations, just because he is unable to pace himself.
I wouldn't tell my dh what time he had to be in, or issue ultimatums, but then, he knows he'd get no sympathy from me, and knows he wouldn't spoil it for me - I'd just go along without him if he wasn't up/ready, and be honest with everyone about why he wasn't there - so I know he would come home not having overdone it, and I know he would be up and ready in the morning.
Maryz · 21/08/2015 23:44
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Maryz · 21/08/2015 23:44
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BerylStreep · 21/08/2015 23:50
See Backforgood I feel so impotent that there is almost no option but to issue ultimatums. I hate it.
I asked before he went out what time he was planning to be back by. He said 1am, and I said that given the amount of organisation we had to do in the morning, I thought it was too late.
Huge backstory - when pregnant with DC2 he went out with the same crowd, I went to bed, but didn't sleep, dozing, expecting him to arrive back - tossed and turned - eventually phoned him at 4am. When he answered, I asked where he was, and he said 'I'm at a party, what's the problem?' The problem was that he was in the most dangerous neighbourhood in the city, and didn't have a clue, nor did he give a shit.
Whilst it hasn't been as bad since, when he goes out with this crowd he regularly comes back hammered and is written off the next day.
Maryz · 21/08/2015 23:59
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TheCatsFlaps · 22/08/2015 00:34
Fuck him, or in this case, fuck him up. Go and enjoy yourself, let him explain his absence or turn up like a half shut knife. You sound like you work hard enough, you don't need to be his mother. That dubious pleasure already belongs to some other poor cow.
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