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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to stay at home on Xmas day?

50 replies

Fluffy24 · 21/08/2015 20:38

Sorry about the Xmas thread but need to work out what to do so I can start to manage expectations early!

Anyway, DH and I both really really like the idea of staying at home with DS (who will be 1yo ) on xmas day as a new family. Xmas day is really the only day of the year we feel properly 'off duty' and we want to relish it, we don't get much down time.

DH's family live couple of hours away and are happy that we'll go there on boxing day or the day after. No problem.

However my DM and DSis expect us to go to my sister's (we are mid house renovation so don't really have space or facilities to have all my the family on Xmas day ourselves) who lives a short distance away. DSiS imagines that our family xmas is like an M&S/John Lewis advert (I have to wonder if she's been at the same ones as me) and is vocal in claiming our absence will ruin everything. Probably forever.

AIBU/antisocial to suggest I host drinks on Xmas eve, but tell DM and DSis to get a grip about the day itself?

My DPs are retired and are clear that they're living their own life now and we don't see them much, so AIBU to think that's fair enough but they shouldn't then expect us to plan our whole Xmas around them seeing their DGS (who isnt quite a year by this point) opening presents on the day itself?

OP posts:
CMOTDibbler · 21/08/2015 20:43

YANBU at all. We love just being dh, ds and me on Christmas day and doing just what we want. If you give in now, theres no chance of changing it in the future.

AuntyMag10 · 21/08/2015 20:43

Yanbu you have your own primary family now so I think that takes priority.

Original poster
Fluffy24 · 21/08/2015 20:47

Sorry so as not to drip feed, nipping round to DSis after lunch isn't really much of an improvement, DM usually belligerently tipsy by this stage and DSis insists that present opening is undertaken with everyone present, one gift at a time (all watch it being opened and make approving noises) so with 12+ people it takes all bloody evening, if anyone so much as nips to the loo the process has to halt until they return!

OP posts:
RockerMummy184 · 21/08/2015 20:51

YANBU. We were so convinced we wanted to do our own thing on Christmas day and had so many people trying to get us to visit them (my parents have separated, there was also the in-laws and my grandparents wanting to host) that we booked a holiday to Portugal to get away from them all. It's so bloody awkward trying to please everyone!

momb · 21/08/2015 20:51

YANBU. your baby is only 1. Do what suits this year: it will break all previous precedents and you can move on fro next year to something more toddler friendly.

Lowdoorinthewall · 21/08/2015 20:52

YANBU at all. We don't visit over the immediate Christmas period any more.

We go to Centre Parcs for a few days (sorry MN), go to panto on Christmas eve and then go to the beach Christmas morning and have Christmas lunch in a very lovely country pub.

We visit rellies afterwards, round New Years, but keep Christmas for ourselves.

UnsolvedMystery · 21/08/2015 20:52

Do whatever you want to do - it's Christmas.
We always stay home for Christmas. That is what works best for my kids so that's all there is to it.
We see relatives on other days

Lowdoorinthewall · 21/08/2015 20:53

Last year we did NYE dinner and sleepover for 16 BTW- we don't just expect others to entertain us. Blush

ladygracie · 21/08/2015 20:54

I think setting a precedent for spending Christmas Day as just you, dh & ds is a brilliant idea. It doesn't mean that you can't change it another year but it's a lovely tradition to have.
And especially if your parents are fairly uninvolved, you won't feel any obligation to do as they wish. Win win.

AuntyMag10 · 21/08/2015 20:55

This could be your own family tradition Grin just do what makes you happy. Your baby is one, you get to decide how you want him to spend it.

DoreenLethal · 21/08/2015 20:59

Well, it's tough isn't it!

You need to say 'Oh no, we ruined Christmas lol' and change the subject.

pinkje · 21/08/2015 20:59

You don't need an excuse but why not say you want to have a few drinks so can't drive. Enjoy your first Christmas together.

iknowimcoming · 21/08/2015 20:59

Yep totally agree with the make a stand now and you won't regret it philosophy! We did this after after a most horrendous Xmas day incident involving a two year old a six week old and two (even more badly behaved) 60 year olds! Best decision ever - even if 15 years on we still get one snidey comment from MIL every year about it. Hmm

HackerFucker22 · 21/08/2015 21:11

I am lucky in that I love to go to my folks (20 minute walk) and thankfully DP agrees. We then pop in to his folks for Baileys and nibbles in the evening.

If I didn't enjoy this though there is no way I'd be doing it.

Christmas is a time to be with people you love, get on with and enjoy being with - sadly for many this is usually not their family!!

BlackeyedSusan · 21/08/2015 21:14

stay at home. if dsis starts saying you have ruined christmas, give her a look and say something along the lines of they must think you are very special indeed if you make their christmas and perhaps they ought to think more of themselves so they can enjoy christmas without imput from you.

LindyHemming · 21/08/2015 21:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Topseyt · 21/08/2015 21:22

Set your own rules and traditions now, and in the future it will be much easier.

Headagainstwall · 21/08/2015 21:40

Gah, you must stay at home, mostly because of the present opening thing. My SIL makes us do that and it's horrific.

scarlets · 21/08/2015 23:42

Your parents are in no position to complain! As for your sister, I do understand her disappointment (especially if this will be her first Christmas apart from you) but you have a baby now and you need to start as you mean to go on.

swimmerforlife · 21/08/2015 23:50

YABU because it's only August.

ShadowLine · 22/08/2015 09:32

YANBU.

We have had Christmas Day at home every year since DC1 arrived. It's way more relaxing than going around to relative's houses.

godsavethequeeeen · 22/08/2015 09:43

Yanbu. Stay at home together and make your own traditions (that sounds wanky but it's true).

I'm a LP and we've had a couple of Xmas with just us three. It's so much easier than hauling the dc's out at 10am leaving a trail of stocking presents that they'd really like to play with.

gabsdot45 · 22/08/2015 09:49

DH and I were married and moved in together in December, (20 years ago) and from that very first year we have always stayed in our own house on Christmas day. My mum still invites us every year but we never go. MIL is on her own so she usually comes to us but I din't mind that.
It's much better this way. We visit my family on Christmas eve and in laws in 26th. Everyone is happy.

CheeseAndBeans · 22/08/2015 09:51

YANBU I could have written this myself.
Pre DD we would spend Christmas Day with one set on parents during day, another in eve then see others on Boxing Day (my parents are divorced). It means lots of driving and messing about. We have done it for the past 2 years too, when DD was only a few weeks old and when she was 1. This year despite complaints from my Dsis we are spending Christmas Day at home as a family.
I just want to relax on Christmas Day and enjoy seeing my daughter playing with her new toys. Plus we can cook what we want, watch whatever crap tv we want (without being forced to play games!) and we can both have a drink without worrying about driving!
Do what suits you. We are!

bigTillyMint · 22/08/2015 09:54

YANBU

Now is the time to start as you mean to go on - start new traditions which suit you or you will get sucked into doing what they want!