to stay at home on Xmas day?

[Fluffy24]

Sorry about the Xmas thread but need to work out what to do so I can start to manage expectations early!

Anyway, DH and I both really really like the idea of staying at home with DS (who will be 1yo ) on xmas day as a new family. Xmas day is really the only day of the year we feel properly 'off duty' and we want to relish it, we don't get much down time.

DH's family live couple of hours away and are happy that we'll go there on boxing day or the day after. No problem.

However my DM and DSis expect us to go to my sister's (we are mid house renovation so don't really have space or facilities to have all my the family on Xmas day ourselves) who lives a short distance away. DSiS imagines that our family xmas is like an M&S/John Lewis advert (I have to wonder if she's been at the same ones as me) and is vocal in claiming our absence will ruin everything. Probably forever.

AIBU/antisocial to suggest I host drinks on Xmas eve, but tell DM and DSis to get a grip about the day itself?

My DPs are retired and are clear that they're living their own life now and we don't see them much, so AIBU to think that's fair enough but they shouldn't then expect us to plan our whole Xmas around them seeing their DGS (who isnt quite a year by this point) opening presents on the day itself?

We've always had Christmas Day on our own, through choice. Dd is now 13. It's a lovely day for us.

We see my parents and PILs on Christmas Eve at their houses )live about 50 min away but about 10 min from each other) and they all come to us on Boxing Day.

Christmas Day itself is calm and relaxing. When dd was smaller she would enjoy playing with all her new toys, and we got to enjoy watching her whilst having a drink. We choose what to eat, and when. No messing with some huge fancy meal - would be lovely food but not a huge roast. And spread meal out over the day.
We would often go for a little walk too.

Last couple of years we have called on at our good friends house for early lunchtime nibbles and drinks for an hour, before returning home to relax, eat and enjoy our little family day.

Not at all unreasonable.

Both our sets of parents live a fair way away (3-4 hours) and siblings even further.

Generally we work on a rota for where we actually do Christmas Day - in laws, my parents, our house. But we always see the other set during the festive holiday so it still ends up a bit of a mission.

We moved house this year so have already said that we will not be going anywhere but for the first time can put family up here. Our dd will be just 3 and I am looking forward to our first Christmas not trekking around

Yanbu.

We've had Christmas Day just us a couple of times and saw family Boxing Day, it was great.

Oh, dear, that present-opening performance sounds awful! Add a "militantly tipsy" mother, and it's no wonder you hate the very idea!

Christmas Eve can be billed as the most magical part of the festival, so that's really not a BAD part of Christmas to offer! You can sing carols, do some final decorating, and have ONE present, then all go and have a cosy day at Christmas.

YANBU. I am going to have a struggle this year. Mother makes a huge fuss at Christmas and neither me nor DH are that into it, esp as you say OP - I am sure the rest of the family have been at different Christmas days to me!

We have DS now, 4 was, so xmas Will largely pass him by but i feel we need our own traditions now.
Plus my sister and her children Will virtually move in with DP's for 2 - 3 weeks.

YANBU - our DC1 will be 6 this christmas and so far, has only done Christmas lunch somewhere other than home once, however the cost of that has been me having to host either DH's family or my own in turns. My mum started to get a bit of a face on about it when I was pregnant, and my dad said he always thought children should not be dragged away from new toys to go visiting grown ups, and that "[DH]'s parents are as much family to [DS] as we are." (My dad can be a bit hard work sometimes, but was right about that one!).

Big smile to your DSis and "well, those are your traditions, but now we have [DS], we'd like to start our own traditions and we'd like to stay at home on our own." A Christmas eve gathering could be a great new family tradition.

YADNBU me and DH usually only get 1 day together over Christmas as I work Xmas eve and he works boxing day (compulsory for our jobs) however I am on Mat Leave this year and DD will be 8 months old. So we will have Xmas eve and Xmas day together. However as we only have this time and have lots of family who all want to see DD over the holiday period I get the feeling it will still be as crazy as ever!
Day before Xmas eve at DGP(dads side) with DB and DSis.
Xmas eve at MIL with BIL, SIL1, SIL2 and the hoard of children(7 plus DD).
Xmas day at DGP(mums side) with DM etc. Xmas day evening at ours with friends.
Boxing day back to DGP to see all aunts, uncles, cousins etc etc etc.
4 days of rushing around like mad with an 8month old because its easier for us all than locking ourselves in the house and not leaving! Both our families would see missing Christmas as an exileable offence and we love them the rest of the year and they intend on assisting with childcare when I return to work. Not worth the fall out.

Wow what a waffle....basics, you aren't being unreasonable. lock yourself away and enjoy!

YANBU. When dh and I moved in together we told both families that we'd be spending Christmas day at home but would be delighted to see them either on Christmas eve or boxing day. It's now become tradition for my parents to come here for Christmas eve and go home as dd2 goes to bed, and we go to mil on boxing day. Everyone is happy with this now, even though the first year everyone was disappointed (but not enough to make a big fuss about it).

This is great guys, very reassuring! I think I might actually look forward to it this year!

Did anyone who did the Xmas eve thing feel guilty about rellies not being able to watch DC opening the presents from them or does it just seem odd to me because of the weird present opening ritual?

Does anyone else do face time on the Xmas day or an I better to make a clean break?!

go for it- start your own traditions. s has hers now it's your turn.

YABU. Christmas shizz in August? On the hottest day of the summer? FFS - why are you evening thinking about Christmas today? Is there not a Christmas topic?

Bloody autocorrect. EVEN not EVENING.

We do facetime with grandparents who live abroad. It's a bit stilted (kids are 6 and rarely see grandparents). With a 1 year old it's next to pointless, but might be an easy way to placate.

FarFromAnyRoad no idea why people like you have to point out the obvious. It's August?!
No shit Sherlock, I never would have known that with the kids off school. Thanks for telling everyone the month, we all know now

It's says xmas in the thread title so why even click on it

Good for you FarFromAnyRoad - unfortunately its bloody cold and dark where I am and summer lasted 2 days which is probably why I'm in autumn mode.

See, I do think if you are going to break with tradition around Christmas, the earlier you get your plan of attack sorted, the better, I highly recommend anyone who's not going to just go along with what the older generation or their siblings want this year, gets telling them before the end of September, the sooner the better, before people start planning around you being there!

That's what I thought Dino'.

We seem to try and please everyone else on Christmas day and I think I'm the one who least enjoys it! I'd definitely say you should do whatever makes you happy!

You could always let grandparents buy a Christmas eve present, we get new pyjamas, a Christmas story book, maybe slippers or dressing gown, that way they'll get to see them open something.

Oh I like that idea seastargirl!

Agree Dino, best to get Christmas arrangements sorted out and discussed early.
Give everyone time to get used to what's going to be happening, and come to terms with any disappointment that may be caused if it's impossible for everyone to get what they want.

Pre kids we took turns going to my parents/in laws. Since kids we stay home but anyone who wants to come round is more than welcome to pop in, suits us just fine and no complaints as yet!

If only the OP had clearly stated the subject matter in the thread title thus avoiding upsetting the sensibilities of those not wishing to discuss anything Christmas related... Tsk.

Op, not last Christmas but the one before we were bullied and guilt tripped into going out for dinner. It was horrible. The food, the restaurant and the arseholes in attendance. My brothers then girlfriend monopolised the conversation with her views on immigrants, benefits and ethnic minorities. Her 16 year old dd sat there drinking wine from a hidden bottle. My then 7 year old dd told my brothers girlfriend that she was a bad person and not nice. This caused db to tell me to discipline my kids better, dh threatened to put him through the window... And so it went. Then the food arrived. Me and dd opted for the 3 course " traditional" meal. The prawn cocktail had no flavour at all. I asked what the sauce was to be told it was mayonnaise mixed with water. The Turkey was just a massive fatty lump, the spuds were burned but raw inside, no stuffing, no pigs in blankets, no yorkies... Then the pudding was a tiny microwaved half hot/cold pebble with value ice cream. Everyone else had ordered curries which were delicious. I love curry but it can get to fuck on Christmas Day.

Last Christmas was my best yet. We stayed in pjs ALL day. The kids for the first time ever got up after dawn. They had pancakes and selection boxes for breakfast. I made smoked salmon and scrambled eggs on bagels with mimosas. The kids got along and played all day. We ate a massive dinner cooked to perfection. My mum was here and enjoyed the relaxed atmosphere. My friend I hadn't seen in 10 years came for the evening, borrowed a onesie off me, snuggled on the couch with my cat and we melted that decade away like no time had passed. I let the kids eat and drink what they liked. I was in work on Boxing Day but felt so good after a nice relaxed Christmas Day. I hope to do the same again this year. After years of having our plans sewn up for us months in advance and dreading the day itself ( and happily volunteering to work 10 Xmas days year after year) it was a revelation that it could really be a stress free day. Two years ago I'd have told you to bite the bullet and do what everyone else wanted but that's because my own Xmas days were shite. Start this year as you mean to go on and make it clear it's as it will be in the years to come too.

I don't think YBU - we 'share' my Mum with my brother, so we have her every other year - my boys are 8 & 6 & this year & we've already told EVERYONE that we're having a quiet, family (ours) Christmas - no uncles, in laws, mum etc - just the 4 of us & everyone is cool with it as we've told them all 8 months in advance!

Stick to your guns & have a lovely time :D

Rab x x

stop talking about it on 22nd August

SamSam - nooo, you need to get your "we're staying at home and having no guests" statement out now - before anyone else in the famiy has started planning Christmas with you in it. Best now when the weather is hot and people aren't in the "thinking about Christmas" mode and it doesn't upset them as much because they've not started thinking about their Christmas with you in it, and aren't as disappointed. (and if they are upset, they have time to get over it !)