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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To still feel upset over this and wish I'd made a complaint

40 replies

SweetCharlotteRose · 20/08/2015 23:29

I'm now currently and miraculously 16 weeks pregnant naturally, however we thought we couldn't get pregnant naturally and I've had two full rounds of IVF plus a couple of FETs.

The diagnosis we had was male factor infertility, dh had only 2% normal forms and we had to have icsi. We paid for the treatment as we already have a naturally conceived ds.
After the second round failed the private consultant gave me a consultation (which didn't happen after the first round) and asked if we had private medical cover. When I said yes he then told me he thought there were problems with me as well and he advised a laparoscopy as I might have endometriosis, which would cost £4000 but our insurance should cover it.
When I said that I didn't have any symptoms at all of endo he advised me to go to my gp and state I had painful periods, bleeding between periods, pain during sex and bleeding after sex so that I could be referred back to him under the private medical cover for a lap.

I did not do this and we decided at this point to try donor treatment as I felt so disheartened with trying with our own eggs and sperm as he also told me I might have an egg problem but wouldn't be drawn on why he thought this. I am only 32 with good egg reserve apparently. We had to go abroad for this treatment and this required a smear test in the last 12 month. Again we paid for it as I wasn't due one on the nhs and unfortunately it was the same consultant. When I went in he asked whether I'd sorted out the medical insurance for the lap and I said I wasn't going ahead with it. He pushed me on it again and then did the smear test which was absolute agony. Never had any problems with pelvic examinations before. The test then caused some bleeding which he then told me could be cancerous polyps. He told me it needed immediate investigation as it was abnormal to bleed during a smear test and showed me photos of cancerous polyps. He said he could do the lap and investigate any polyps at the same time.
I left in tears having gone from having a male factor diagnosis to being told I'd probably got endo, poor egg quality and polyps which were possibly cancerous.

Anyway the smear came back normal, I went to see me own GP who told me bleeding happens in about a third of smears and had another pelvic examination which was completely pain free.

Even though I'm now pregnant naturally I can't seem to let this go. I wish I'd made a complaint at the time - it's been a year now. Should I just let it lie? It seems so wrong. I was really vulnerable at the time and could easily have done what he'd told me to, thus defrauding the insurance and putting myself through unnecessary surgery.

Sorry it's so long.

OP posts:
springydaffs · 21/08/2015 00:22

It's not too late! Or, well, I don't know the actual cut-off time BUT this just has to be reported. It's horrific! This medic needs to be reported, you have to make this known.

Contract PALS who ime are very supportive.

YANBU. No way.

Congratulations on your pregnancy Flowers

OutToGetYou · 21/08/2015 00:50

I think you should complain and also make a personal injury claim. You have six years to bring the latter claim.

wibbleywee · 21/08/2015 03:33

'Personal injury claim' for what exactly??!!!!

chumbler · 21/08/2015 05:15

you should definitely complain. what a crook

Icouldbesogoodforyou · 21/08/2015 06:56

I would complain. Don't think for a second you could make a personal injury claim though.

wtfisgoingonhere · 21/08/2015 07:05

I'm with the pps. Definitely make a complaint.
It may be outside the "normal window" given when it occurred but so what- he treated you terribly and should be accountable for that

Congrats on baby 2 though FlowersFlowers

BoffinMum · 21/08/2015 07:07

I would complain so other women don't suffer the same bad treatment.

£4000 for an endless?!!! You can a hip replacement for much less than that.

Crook.

BoffinMum · 21/08/2015 07:07

Endo not endless

Reubs15 · 21/08/2015 07:22

Please complain so he doesn't do it to other women!
Congrats!

Original poster
SweetCharlotteRose · 21/08/2015 07:27

I was completely aghast when he gave me the list of symptoms to lie to the GP. I actually said 'so you're telling me to lie?' And he said 'if that's what you want to call it.'

Would PALS be the people to complain to even though we were being seen privately? He does work for the nhs as well. It's my word against his that's the only thing. I guess part of me is worried I won't be believed. Basically he just wanted the cash from the private medical insurance it seems.

OP posts:
nannyplumislostinspace · 21/08/2015 07:52

Out to get you. Please don't give incorrect legal advice. You are clearly not qualified to do so. The limitation period for clinical negligence claims is 3 years. That said, I can't see what pursuing that would achieve. OP, I would make a complaint, Drs need feedback in situations like this. I would contact the clinic manager and ask their complaints process.

GloGirl · 21/08/2015 07:58

A year is not a long time. Pregnancy isn't normally a great time to settle scores, but in this case I think you will feel much better for writing a letter of complaint and sending it to the appropriate people.

Icimoi · 21/08/2015 08:01

Is there any independent proof of what he said? Someone who would tell you to lie to the GP won't hesitate to lie if you complain.

Original poster
SweetCharlotteRose · 21/08/2015 08:03

No I wouldn't be Persuing a personal injury claim!

I just feel so upset and furious actually. Not just because he was telling me to commit fraud but because he made me think there was something seriously wrong. He basically dismissed the male factor diagnosis. I know they have to consider all options but I had no symptoms of endo. Again, I know it can be symptomless but to lie about it is wrong.
I did seek a second opinion and the consultant told me that our problems were almost certainly down to the male factor issues and that if I was ovulating regularly and having no issues there was unlikely to be a problem and he would certainly not advise a lap.

OP posts:
Original poster
SweetCharlotteRose · 21/08/2015 08:04

I doubt it. I was on my own with him when he said it.
A chaperone was present for the actual smear test but then left the room afterwards. It is my word against his.

OP posts:
Wolpertinger · 21/08/2015 08:13

You can't complain to PALS about someone you saw privately. You would have to go through the private clinic's complaints procedure - worth doing but be ready for it to boil down to a 'he said she said' scenario and you ending up frustrated.

Original poster
SweetCharlotteRose · 21/08/2015 08:15

I know... Part of me thinks I should just leave it but part of me is so furious about it. He shouldn't get away with it...but he probably will whether I complain or not.

OP posts:
OwlinaTree · 21/08/2015 08:16

Congratulations on your pregnancy.

I would write everything down now, then once you've

Original poster
SweetCharlotteRose · 21/08/2015 08:16

It's not really in my nature to make a fuss. I almost complained at the time but I don't really do confrontation and I kept thinking 'it's someone's livelihood.' But the more I've thought about it the more wrong it seems.

OP posts:
bumbleymummy · 21/08/2015 08:17

Would he have recorded his 'diagnosis' in your notes? Could you request your notes/file from them to see what it says first and then go from there?

OwlinaTree · 21/08/2015 08:17

Sorry... had the baby, consider pursuing it. I don't think you need the stress during the pregnancy.

Devilishpyjamas · 21/08/2015 08:20

Send a letter of complaint so it's on file, makes him think twice before doing it again & will add to any future complaints.

Then forget about it. You don't need the ongoing stress.

Original poster
SweetCharlotteRose · 21/08/2015 08:25

I don't know, I can't see how he can have diagnosed endo when I don't have any signs of it.
Because we'd had two failed rounds I believe he was suggesting there may be implantation issues caused by endo - however the embryo quality was poor and embryo quality is the biggest factor in the outcome of treatment. When I went for the second opinion he told me that the embryo quality was likely due to the poor sperm morphology even though we had had Icsi.
Also two attempts actually isn't very many, it's only a 25% chance each time and the odds don't cummilate.

If I'd been presenting with symptoms I could understand it. I was also suspicious because the first question was 'do you have private medical insurance?' not 'do you have any of these symptoms?'

OP posts:
QOD · 21/08/2015 08:29

boffin a hip rep is around £12 000
Shock

Hmmmm until the second but about the polyps, I was torn as I had an investigative laparoscopy during infertility investigation and assumed it was fairly normal. I work in medical insurance and genuinely, this is the norm. I would take it he was "helping you out" (even though pmi usually pays up to diagnosis of infertility anyway)
But no. The second bit sounds like pure scammin

Gabilan · 21/08/2015 08:32

"Send a letter of complaint so it's on file, makes him think twice before doing it again & will add to any future complaints. "

This. At the moment it may be he said/ she said. If it starts to stack up to he said/ they said there will be a better case against him. He's a wanker with a god complex.