Page 3 | Is he overreacting or am I being unreasonable

Drankthemilk · 2015-08-20T20:25:52+00:00

This evening I had a bowl of cereal as dp works late on Thursdays and when he came in there was only a small amount of milk left. He's had a right go at me and said I am selfish and only think of myself [sad] Do you think he's right or is he being harsh?

OTheHugeManatee · 21/08/2015 14:39

It depends whether this is part of a persistent pattern for the two of you or not. Do you have form elsewhere for finishing things up or otherwise doing stuff that doesn't take others' needs into account?

SmillasSenseOfSnow · 21/08/2015 14:48

He's a guy, we pent lots (& lots) of small stuff up, till finally it comes out in one big boom, normally over what seems to the other person, something small.

Remember he's a bloke, sulking can be our thing.

Perhaps it's more common for men to get away with behaving like this for much more of their adult lives because of other people pandering to them instead of expecting them to grow up and stop so emotionally selfish and childish.

But it's got absolutely zero to do with anything inherent in the male sex.

Learn that your behaviour negatively affects other people and there are more constructive ways to behave and do something about it.

SaucyJack · 21/08/2015 14:58

DP has done similar before.

I didn't shout or swear, but I did mutter under my breath. I think it's really selfish to use up all the milk for morning on an impromptu late night bowl of Coco Pops when you have no intention of replacing it.

DoJo · 21/08/2015 15:27

DaddyDr

That's one of the most depressing posts I have ever read - not only are you excusing a failure of communication and sulking like a toddler on the grounds that someone has a penis, but you are advocating the OP apologising for something that you agree isn't entirely her fault so that her husband can think he has 'won' and doesn't have to acknowledge his overreaction.

That may be your view of how men act, but I'm pleased to say that it isn't true in my experience. Storing up grudges and blowing your top over something small, sulking when you know you're in the wrong and expecting to be pandered to so that you can continue to pretend you're in the right even when you acknowledge you aren't would not be tolerated by a member of either sex in my house.

SmillasSenseOfSnow · 21/08/2015 15:42

I suspect he's feeling bad/stupid/angry for flying off at you, but now he doesn't know how to bring it back. Go give him a kiss, say your sorry (even though his reaction isnt completely you fault) and promise to make it up to him. He'll start to soften when he thinks he won, and won't feel so ashamed about his over reaction.

Christ. I hadn't even read this bit.

hellhasnofurylikeahungrywoman · 21/08/2015 16:13

I hate it when I get home after a 13 hour shift and no-one has had the decency to let me know there is no milk for a cuppa.

dodobookends · 21/08/2015 16:57

Say you didn't mean to be thoughtless, go and buy some more milk, and from now on make sure you have gallons of the damned stuff everywhere!!

Hedgesinthewind · 21/08/2015 17:03

It's really annoying when someone uses up a basic (like milk) and doesn't notice or replace it. It's like not replacing the loo roll when you've used the last bit.

So he's not unreasonable to be grumpy, although it's a trivial thing, so he's be unreasonable to sulk. But you do sound a bit thoughtless, "not noticing" and then not replacing. And if you got all cranky at him being annoyed then YABU. A recognition that you'd been thoughtless would be kind and human, surely?

SmillasSenseOfSnow · 21/08/2015 17:10

go and buy some more milk

The OP says she'd need the car keys to do that and he has them. It sounds like there's rather more to this than meets the eye.

pictish · 21/08/2015 17:36

As pointed out by someone it sounds more like the straw that broke the camels back. He's a guy, we pent lots (& lots) of small stuff up, till finally it comes out in one big boom, normally over what seems to the other person, something small.
It's nice to have some consideration for each other, but sadly in our day to day lives its easy to forget that.

My wife and I have what we call a penalty mug. Its a hideous cup that was made for us once as a gift with a photo of our wedding on it (proper creepy) If one of us I being an arse or has a gripe about the other, then we'll make a cup of tea for them in that mug. Its our way of saying "I'm p1ssed at you" it prompts the conversation, but with a gift of tea to also say I love you and am thinking about you.

Remember he's a bloke, sulking can be our thing. I suspect he's feeling bad/stupid/angry for flying off at you, but now he doesn't know how to bring it back. Go give him a kiss, say your sorry (even though his reaction isnt completely you fault) and promise to make it up to him. He'll start to soften when he thinks he won, and won't feel so ashamed about his over reaction.

He's a guy, we pent lots (& lots) of small stuff up, till finally it comes out in one big boom, normally over what seems to the other person, something small.

No, he's a person, and some people store up resentment. This is not a guy thing, but a bad manners and poor behaviour thing and it's not exclusive to men. If you are disproportionately unpleasant to your partner over trivial things, it is not because you are a guy, it is because you are self indulgent and rude.

Remember he's a bloke, sulking can be our thing. I suspect he's feeling bad/stupid/angry for flying off at you, but now he doesn't know how to bring it back. Go give him a kiss, say your sorry (even though his reaction isnt completely you fault) and promise to make it up to him. He'll start to soften when he thinks he won, and won't feel so ashamed about his over reaction.

Remember, he's a person and therefore not exclusively entitled to penis rights that allow him to behave like a wanker because he feels like it. If he feels bad, stupid or angry for flying off the handle, the correct course of action is to apologise to the OP for his conduct, not to extend the episode and distress further by launching into a self pitying sulk that just makes her feel worse! It is not for the OP to soothe his brow, apologise, let him think he's won or to ease his shame over his bad behaviour and emotional immaturity...because, you know...penis.

DaddyDr · 21/08/2015 17:36

that's one of the most depressing posts I've ever read

Really? You obviously don't read the threads about people with no money, or people feeling like shit.

What I'm trying to point out is. Shrug and move on. If it takes an apology to move on then just do it. I really cant be arsed with my fault, her fault, their fault. I'd rather just say whatever the other person wants if it means we can live in a harmonise house.

If someone wants to pent shiz up and hold a grudge then they are the ones with the problem, so whatever I can do to get past it ill do it.

pictish · 21/08/2015 17:44

Sorry for mammoth post there. DaddyDr's post was not meant to be there in its entirety. I C&P it to quote from and forgot to delete before replying.

SmillasSenseOfSnow · 21/08/2015 17:54

Shrug and move on. If it takes an apology to move on then just do it. I really cant be arsed with my fault, her fault, their fault. I'd rather just say whatever the other person wants if it means we can live in a harmonise house.

That way resentment and nothing but disdain for the immature twat who can't bear being the one to apologise lies.

pictish · 21/08/2015 17:58

Agreed.

Apologising when it's not your fault to keep things sweet with Mr Can't-be-wrong is a fucking mug's game.

MuddlingMackem · 21/08/2015 18:05

YABBVU (You Are Both Being Very Unreasonable)

because at some point during a shopping trip the pair of you should have bought a tin of the skimmed milk powder so that such a situation is a minor nuisance - because you have to make a pint or two from the powder - not a rowing situation.

We always keep a tin in the cupboard for those run out of milk but too much hassle to get a shop times, which are actually very rare.

KetchupIsNearlyAVegetable · 21/08/2015 18:08

Why can't you get the keys off him?

DaddyDr · 21/08/2015 18:12

I guess too many of you are more concerned with "winning" in your house holds.
Either that or maybe I should have borrowed a bra to burn when I wrote my first post with tongue firmly in cheek regarding him being a man......sorry hrs not a man, he's a person. Dun dun duuuun

pictish · 21/08/2015 18:24

We're going on what you said pal - that's all we can do here. You didn't read as being tongue in cheek, you read as genuinely wanting to offer advice and insight.
It just so happens your insight involves excusing bad behaviour because blokes, and having the wronged party apologise and make nice because blokes.

And the fact that you immediately lowered yourself to a 'burning your bra' reference when challenged, says it all.
Good work fella.

SmillasSenseOfSnow · 21/08/2015 18:42

I guess too many of you are more concerned with "winning" in your house holds.

If that's what you saw, rather than someone who had tried the 'be the big person and just smooth things over' approach enough times to realise it's not good advice for the long haul, then I can only say that you're reading what you want to read.

helenahandbag · 21/08/2015 18:47

I have moaned at DP for finishing the milk and not a) buying more or b) letting me know so I can buy more on the way home, it's pretty thoughtless and shitty to finish something without letting on to anyone.

DaddyOr, your entire post is arse-clenchingly cringeworthy. Terrible advice.

WallyBantersJunkBox · 21/08/2015 18:49

Yes one should always kiss and make up to keep the peace...