Is he overreacting or am I being unreasonable

[Drankthemilk]

This evening I had a bowl of cereal as dp works late on Thursdays and when he came in there was only a small amount of milk left.

He's had a right go at me and said I am selfish and only think of myself

Do you think he's right or is he being harsh?

YABU. Goes without saying in our house that cereal is off limits if it won't leave enough milk for a few cups of tea.

I didn't realise until this thread it wasn't actually a thing!

My DH can get a bit odd about milk supplies, I think he likes knowing there's always just enough for a cup of tea in. We've never had door banging over it though.

Why can't you get the car keys off your DH?

I think be is BU. It's only milk ffs.

Is this just one in a long line of incidents? Are you generally thoughtless towards what others may want or need? I can't imagine a one off incident can cause this sort of sulking usually, but if you often don't consider others, then I can see why, after a long day that it could be the thing that pushes you over the edge.

YABVU

Not having milk in presumably means no-one can have a cuppa or coffee tonight or tomorrow morning or their breakfast. I'd def be grumpy if that were the case when I got in from work. I wouldn't have minded being asked to pick up milk on the way home.

You were selfish to use it and not sending a simple text to prevent it becoming an issue.

That said, we always keep long life milk in, as being without milk at any time would not go down well here.

If this was me or dh we would just make something else, not fight with Each other over. Tbf if I picked up something like the last bit of milk or bread I would just get more but if I didn't the last thing my lovely dh would do is get angry over it.

If it was foreseeable that he would want some milk either when he came home or in the morning, then I think you were being unreasonable. It is selfish to use all/most of something and not replace it.

Is this the first time something like this has happened? His reaction seems a bit over the top, but if it's something that happens fairly often, that might explain why.

i'd be annoyed if I got in from work and there was no milk. It's selfish to just leave a little bit.

Someone has to finish the milk. Crikey it's not like there was malicious intent behind it!

I'd be annoyed at no milk for a cuppa and would appreciate a text to collect some on way in.

But I certainly wouldn't be slamming doors/ being verbally abusive.

What is really up with him?

YABU. Carelessly finishing off the milk without a thought for anyone else is selfish. You'd be deeply unpopular in this house too since I'm not at all reasonable when deprived of tea. Especially if the deprivation had occurred as a result of bowls of cereal being scoffed!

That said, slamming doors and sulking is over the top.

He is overreacting to you being unreasonable, so... both.

My DH eats cereal every morning. I sometimes enjoy it as a little snack. I always check to see how much milk is there before using it, and make sure there's enough for his cereal in the morning.

He will often use the last bit of milk (without caring if I want some) because he knows I don't drink it often (or tea or coffee) so it's no biggie for me to just get some later in the day (or he'll go to the store himself).

Sounds like you drank the last of it and put it back in the fridge but yeah, it's not the end of the world.

You should have went to get more, not 'offered'. Because 'offering' makes it sound grudged and tbf you did finish the milk so if milk is a necessity in your house then you should have replaced it.

This milk... What does he want it for? A cuppa? You say there is a small amount left, sounds enough for one. You could pop out for more while the kettle boils

Or did he want to take a bath in it? Desiring, creamy, soft skin this evening is he?

selfish, go and get some more. You'd be in the dog house here, big time.

You should just go and buy milk now.

I get very stressed when there's not enough milk. if dp is the same and you know how much likes it you could have asked him to pick some up / not have cereal.

Wow, I never realised people got so worked up about milk before.

I once -collapsed in a heap- burst into tears once when I got in from work and there was no milk for a cuppa for me...

Sounds dramatic but I had just worked a very busy nine hour flight without a break and calculated in my head that I had probably served over 500 cups of tea....What got me through it was the thought that I would soon be home, feet up with my own cuppa.

That meltdown was epic and needless to say I have never since returned home to a this unacceptable no milk situation and that day has gone down in our house history (referred to in a whisper) as 'The day there was no milk'

I am on your DH side on this one I'm afraid OP.

Sorry OP but I'd be pissed off with you too. DH has had a glass of milk of an evening before resulting in not enough milk for DCs to have breakfast and me to have tea in the morning and I do want to murder him a bit. However, I probably wouldn't go as far as name calling and slamming doors (maybe just a big sigh and possibly an eye roll).

It is about overall consideration. I'd have been pissed off if I got in late and wanted a cup of tea and there was no milk to have one as yes would also have been thinking - great no milk for coffee in the morning either.

And agree with others that I'd just have popped out to get another pint assuming you don't live miles from a shop.

wow I never realised people got so worked up about milk before

Nor me, dh would just mutter then put his effort into going to the shop rather than slamming doors.

Its rather minor in the grand scheme of things, unless you live half way up a mountain and its 20 miles to the nearest shop.

Loving ' the day there was no milk'

Yes, I wouldn't have slammed doors but I would have been pissed off and grumpy.

But if it is a one off then he is over-reacting but if you generally are a bit thoughtless - well I see why he did get annoyed.

It's one of those minor issue that can really cause issues.

From the milk drinkers point of view it's not done out of spite .

From the milkless persons point of view it's about a lack of consideration for them.

I think you are both being unreasonable. Him in his reaction, you for not thinking.

I don't ever drink milk but do get pissed off if someone has drank it all and not mentioned it, meaning someone else has to go with out. If they just told me I wouldn't mind picking some up, though.

As pointed out by someone it sounds more like the straw that broke the camels back. He's a guy, we pent lots (& lots) of small stuff up, till finally it comes out in one big boom, normally over what seems to the other person, something small.
It's nice to have some consideration for each other, but sadly in our day to day lives its easy to forget that.

My wife and I have what we call a penalty mug. Its a hideous cup that was made for us once as a gift with a photo of our wedding on it (proper creepy) If one of us I being an arse or has a gripe about the other, then we'll make a cup of tea for them in that mug. Its our way of saying "I'm p1ssed at you" it prompts the conversation, but with a gift of tea to also say I love you and am thinking about you.

Remember he's a bloke, sulking can be our thing. I suspect he's feeling bad/stupid/angry for flying off at you, but now he doesn't know how to bring it back. Go give him a kiss, say your sorry (even though his reaction isnt completely you fault) and promise to make it up to him. He'll start to soften when he thinks he won, and won't feel so ashamed about his over reaction.

I like the idea if a penalty tea mug...must get one!